Thursday, February 24, 2005

If Girls Ran the NBA...

1. Vlade Divac would never have been in the NBA. One whiff of eau de Vlade and his ass would have been put straight back on a plane for Yugoslavia.

2. Shirts vs. Skins would still be in effect. Except when involving the following players: Greg Ostertag, Brian Cook, Tractor Traylor, Brian Scalabrine, and Mehmet Okur.

3. The WNBA would not exist. Do you think girls would give other girls of model height more opportunities to make money doing something absolutely useless and unnecessary?

4. Vince Carter would replace Jerry West as The Logo. Wanna know why he keeps getting voted onto the All Star team? He's the John Travolta of the NBA - despite the fact that he's clearly past his prime and this latest comeback is just a precursor to The General's Daughter, one dance on Oprah (or in VC's case, one dunk of SportsCenter) and the Oprah crowd goes wild. Casual fans - ie, the ones who think Shaq still plays in LA and shots from half-court should be worth like 10 points - still consider him THE superstar of the league.

5. Shaq would still be in LA. There's nothing girls love more than a good soap opera. The ghost of Rick Fox would even make a few cameos during February sweeps.

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