Friday, January 28, 2005

Tennis Break

Why isn't the Australian Open getting any love??

This is some of the most exciting tennis I've seen in awhile, and sure it happens at 3 in the morning, but don't the most exciting things happen at that time anyway?

Serena upset Sharapova, some random Frenchwoman almost broke Davenport, and Marat Safin pulled off the biggest upset knocking #1 Roger Federer out. Now it's the bad boy vs. the golden boy, Lleyton "Satan" Hewitt vs. Andy "Still not A-Rod" Roddick.

Come on! Let's watch. Okay Andy's finally back from his hour long break.

Quick NBA note:
Yay! Timmy got his own Wheaties box. Pop's reaction? He just rolled his eyes and handed the box back. Have I mentioned how much I love Pop???

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Damn Blogger

AUGH! Blogger erased my entire post before I could publish it. Dagnabbit! I almost pulled a Hines Ward :)

AI feels my pain.

Hines Ward - That's a Man, Baby!

"So long as we live among men, let us cherish humanity."
-Andre Gide

I heard John Salley dogging on Hines Ward (WR, Pittsburgh Steelers) because he cried after Jerome's potential last speech to the team. Seriously, who the fuck is John Salley to be dogging on anybody, let alone Hines Ward. Wasn't his career highlight playing a basketball player in Eddie? Hines Ward is more of a man than Salley will ever be, both professionally and personally. And by the way, girls looooooooove Hines Ward. We spend hundreds of dollars to buy his jersey and watch him play. Can't really say the same about you, Sally. Who's da man now?

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Indiana Housewives BEWARE!

Imagine you're a sweet ol' midwestern soccer mom. After you drop the little kiddies off at school, you head to your weekly yoga class. Serenity now. Now imagine you look over and you see this man unrolling his yoga mat next to yours. After glancing down at your WWJD bracelet, what would you do?

After Rick Carlisle told the media that Ron Artest was doing yoga and Pilates, I almost fell off the couch. I can't even imagine what my Pilates instructor would do if Ron Artest walked into her studio. Granted my Pilates instructor probably wouldn't have any idea who he is, but I'm sure the good ol' folks in Indiana know him and his history all too well. I mean the man broke Michael Jordan's ribs! I would pay to see him try to master this move:

Hey, there's an idea. To make up for the $5 million+ he lost in salary, he should market a line of workout videos. Winsor Pilates by Ron Artest. Yoga for Ballers. The possibilities are endless.

Did you hear his dad took a job as a garbage man to help pay bills? Maybe it's just me, but I want him to come back and I want him to do well. C'mon, the brawl was boys being boys. Drop the charges, the lawsuits, the bullshit. Let's move on and play some ball!

Why I Don't Listen to Sports Radio

So yesterday, while stuck in traffic, I decided to give sports radio a chance. My reward? A 10 MINUTE discussion between Joe Theismann and Jim Rome on EP - enlarged prostate. This was followed by Jim Rome asking callers if they've made a visit to the "five fingered man" or something like that.

Umm yeah, no sports radio for me, thank you.

Monday, January 24, 2005

New Position for TO: Head Cheerleader

At the Heat-Sixers game, Terrell Owens - accompanied by several Eagles and fellow NBA blogger Jaleel White (ex-Urkel) - unveiled his new role in Philly: professional cheerleader.

At least he's using his mouth for good - poor gay, short (Did you ever see that episode of Punk'd?) Jeff Garcia.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

VJ Day - Victory for Jim Jackson Day

If only the NHL's lockout could end as quickly and felicitously for the disgrunted parties. Jim Jackson got his wish and he's going to be playing for a contender - the Suns.

Hopefully, Casey Jacobsen will still be smiling when he plays for New Orleans - that is, if he actually shows up.

T-Mac got booed by Magic fans when he showed up in Rockets Red. I wonder if Hornets fans - all 6 of them - will boo Jim Jackson. Too bad the Suns already played both games in New Orleans...We'll have to wait til next season to find out.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Sexiest Play of the Night

Mike Bibby's BLOCK on Lebron James!

That was hot!

Bibby's listed at 6'1 (meaning he's really 5'10 - guys always lie about their height; women their weight, guys their height) and Bron Bron's 6'8. And Mini-Me went in and blocked King James's shot! Just goes to show there's only one kind of King at Arco and he doesn't wear Candyland stripes.

Not only did he make the block, Bibby also got his 2nd career triple double.

CWebb also dunked three one game. I thought it was 1995 again. Ahh memories.

Funniest Moments From Rockets-Magic

1. In In Good Company, Dennis Quaid's 51-year-old character goes in for the dunk during a company basketball game and the ball ends up stuck between the rim and the backboard...And he ends up on the floor, legs and arms all over the place. Funniest scene in the movie. At one point during the game, Steve Francis started driving towards the basket, a foul was called, but Steve being Steve kept going, wanting to showboat. Anyway, the ball hit the side of the rim and I thought he was gonna go down like Dennis Quaid. Okay, so that wasn't the funniest moment but just imagining the Franchise lying there like Dennis Quaid made me laugh.

2. In the 4th quarter, with the Rockets leading but the Magic still uncomfortably close, Bob Sura jacked up a 3 that hit the side of the backboard. After a scramble for the loose ball, David Wesley ended up with it. Sura started waving his arms and jumping up and down, calling for the ball. Mind you this was seconds after his shot hit the side of the backboard. Needless to say, Wesley wisely took the ball in for the easy 2.

This actually qualifies for both funniest and saddest:
3. So I really haven't paid Dwight Howard any mind because I thought Emeka Okafor should have gone 1st, not some snot-nosed, brace-faced high schooler. Anyway, I'm watching the game and they cut to #12 and I was like "Daaaaaaaaamn! Who that is! Who that is!" He turned around and that's when I saw the back of his jersey. Howard. "Oh Gawwwwwwwd! He's like 12 years old!" I wailed to my best friend. Which takes me to my other point about having an age limit in the NBA. These motherfucking high schoolers are making me feel like a pedophile. (Okay, so he's 19 and only 4 years younger than me, but still I don't need to feel all old and pervie when I'm watching the game.) Age limit, David Stern! Or at least, like Howard, you have to wear your age on your jersey.

Carlos Arroyo Traded to Detroit

If Carlos Arroyo thought Jerry Sloan was tough, wait til he sees what Larry Brown does to his point guards. Plus he has to start playing defense.

On the other side, Elden and Mehmet together again.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Long Live Dikembe!

There are going to be (hopefully) three really good games tonight:
Rockets vs. Magic (TNT)
Cavaliers vs. Kings (TNT)
Clippers vs. Mavericks (Don't knock the Clips - they took the Spurs to the final seconds last night!)

Anyway, the Rockets game got me thinking back to a game I watched earlier this month when the Rockets played the Mavs. In that game - involving such vaunted superstars as Yao, Tracy McGrady, and Dirk Nowitzki - what struck me most was the person running the hardest, scrambling after loose balls, energizing the crowd wasn't some hotshot young All Star with a million endorsements. It was 100-year-old veteran Dikembe Mutombo.

Now when Van Gundy brought the Mutombo to the Rockets, my first reaction was "He's still alive?" and then "Oh God." I thought he'd be Shawn Bradley - you know, play 5 minutes, somehow get injured, then be out for the season...Come to think of it, that describes Can't-Even-Get-His-Ears-Pierced-Without-Getting-Hurt Darko, too. What a jackhole. Anyway, I was completely blown away by his effort. He may not be the shot blocking, finger wagging Deke of old, but damn, old man's still got something left. Plus he had this inexplicable, gi-normous bandaid smack dab in the middle of his face. Funny as hell.

So, in conclusion, I'd like to say, Mutooooooomboooo! Long may he wane, I mean reign!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

X-rays reveal nothing.
MRI reveals nothing.

And yet...Kobe's on crutches.
Tells Jim Gray it's the "worst pain [he's] ever felt."

Someone shoot him and put him out of his terrible misery.

By the way, he also has a very serious paper cut that needs tending to. He thinks it may require major surgery. MRI results to follow.

Oh Boy! Earl Boykins!

15 points in overtime. Playing without K-Mart and Carmelo. Banging with boys twice his size. Proof that size doesn't matter.

By the way, check out Marcus Camby's stat line:
25 points, 24 rebounds, 5 assists, 1 block

Not too shabby.

Notes on Blazers-Kings

Mayce Edward Christopher Webber III. Darling. NO MORE 3's! We know you hit the game winning 3 in Milwaukee, but despite what Shaq said, one lucky shot does not deserve another. You play with Bibby, Peja, and now Steve Francis's left hand. Unless some Bruce Bowen-KG hybrid is all over them, even on their worst day they need to be taking that shot. The Blazers are currently the 12th seed and playing without Zach Randolph. Against better teams - you know, the ones above .500, the ones you're more likely to see in the playoffs - there won't be many second chances (unless your name is Ben Roethlisberger). We've already forgotten your missed 3 against Minnesota in Game 7. It's okay. That wasn't a shot you should have been taking in the first place. You're 6'10! You need to get back in the paint. After all, what are we - Euros?

Nein Nowitzki Nein

As promised...The artist also known as Chris Andersen.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005


Did you see Dirk rockin the sweatband in the green throwback? I didn't know whether it was Dirk or Chris Andersen (Birdman)!

Picture of Dirk to come as soon as I find one.

Hey Suns: Bring Back Yuta!

Now that Steve Nash and Leandro Barbosa have somehow managed to injure each another, leaving them both questionable for tomorrow's game against the Memphis Grizzlies, it's high time the Suns brought back Yuta Tabuse. The Suns are in desperate need of a point guard - never mind one who can run and gun - so why not bring back the "Japanese Earl Boykins?" They can't do much worse than the beatdown they got at the Palace yesterday.

Article proving Jerry West is God (of Bball):

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Clippers: And They're Still Alive!

Corey Maggette, you just sunk the game winner over the Heat in a thrilling double overtime victory. What are you going to do next?

CM: I'm going to dive on the floor and scare the hell out of the cheerleader next to me!


Timberwolves vs. Nuggets: A Comedy of Errors

Why do the two most disappointing teams of the season thus far have the biggest rivalry? Does this seem asinine to anyone else? What were they fighting over - which team could stay at .500 the least? This felt more like Todd Bridges vs. Vanilla Ice than Ali vs. Frazier - two B-list teams fighting a B-list brawl. Personally, I'd rather have seen Dirk Nowitzki and Tim Duncan go at it after the questionable non-call on offensive interference in the 4th.

After the game, Michael Cooper said, "It was almost like a playoff finals game." Umm more like a Round One playoff game, and the Nuggets aren't even there anymore (12th seed currently). Hey Coop, why don't you get your team in playoff contention first. Lakers-Kings circa 2002 you are not.

On a bright note, at least they didn't have to use a taser on Olowokandi to get him off the court!

Friday, January 14, 2005

Notes on Jazz-Kings

Damn did you see all the elbows and dirty plays by the Jazz last night? I thought Karl Malone was back!

Here's the stat line from
Two missing teeth, 18 stitches, at least one concussion, three technical fouls and one big flagrant foul.


They even made Peja come alive!

I was looking for a picture of Greg Ostertag's bloody mouth, but I couldn't find any online. I guess some things are just too hideous. Poor Greg...As if he wasn't ugly enough. Oh well, here's a taste of what we're missing.

LA Faker

I was listening to Power 106 this morning and they were talking about how Kobe came out before the Denver game to sign autographs. Something, as Big Boy pointed out, that he's NEVER done before. Hi Colorado jury pool.

And after stepping on Ira Newble's foot, he had to be carried off the court. Oh please. How many players has this happened to? (Carmelo, Brad Miller, the list goes on and on) None of them had to be carried off the court. See it just proves the old adage: EVERYONE in LA wants to be an actor.

Either that or Kobe's scared shitless of Lebron! Bi-a-i-a-itch!

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Postgame at Magic-Twolves

KG: Man, I'd play with you over Losing Spree and God Damn Sam anyday.

Steve Francis: Thanks, man. I don't even know how I got up this morning. Cuttino!

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

La Vie Tony

I love how Tony Parker tries to look all tough in front of Cinderella's Castle at EuroDisney, but on the court it's all...

It's a flare! It's a flare! No, it's karma, baby!

So Richard Jefferson is out for the year with wrist surgery. And Jason Kidd may still manage to hobble on over to the West. This would leave Mr. Carter with Jason Collins, some dude named Nenad, Rodney Buford and Travis Best...and a dash of poetic justice. Did I mention the Raptors are a half game up on the Nets?

I'm not saying I'm glad Richard (I refuse to call him RJ because he doesn't belong in the initials only category) Jefferson got hurt. I'm just saying you can't beat karma.

Now Vince said he's finally a "little hungry" and ready to give his all...Well Vince, here's your chance. Prove to everyone that it's about more than you. Show us you respect your team (no matter who's on it) and the game.

And this time, we're watching.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Requiem for Doug Christie

Dear Doug,

After 4 1/2 years, it's time to say goodbye. Here are some of the memories I'll cherish forever.

First, defense. You brought D to a team that doesn't even have "D" in the names of 3 of their starters (Mike Bibby, Chris Webber, Peja Stoyjyack-whatever no D). You must have felt at times like the only one paddling on a sinking ship, but you paddled away anyway.

Second, plantar fasciitis. You made it cool waaaaaay before Kobe and Bill Walton made it all the rage in LA.

Third, you sent Rick Fox crying back to Vanessa L. and gave us the funniest fight clip since Jeff van Gundy tried climbing Alonzo Mourning's leg.

Fourth and finally, Jackie Christie - the greatest female character since Lady Macbeth.

Between your hand signals and her purse, you will both be missed. Good luck down in Orlando and I'll be waiting with bated breath for "Doug and Jackie: The True NBA Story," TiVo in hand.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Really? That was mooning? Really?

"Randy Moss mooned Lambeau!"

What!? After getting that email, I turned on SportsCenter to see the NFL's version of Ron Artest and the cup. And here it is...

That's it. After hearing the hype surrounding it - "obscene," "vulgar," "end of civilization" - I thought I was gonna see some ass! This should be as big a deal as Terrell Owens doing the Squirrel in Ray Ray's face. It's all part of the game - the fun part in a game where people are bashing each other's heads in!

I am so sick of the FoxNews-ing of America. It's the "You're evil and you're going to hell if you do it, but it's okay if we do it" hypocrisy that allows Bill O'Reilly to crucify Bill Clinton for adultery and Ludacris for being a black rapper, while he talks the dirty-dirty to someone not his wife. Green Bay fans can moon, curse, whatever they want to you as a player, but if you "moon" them - those good, God-fearing Wisconsin folk - then you're the anti-Christ. Oh please. Like Randy said in the post-game, "You better talk about that W we put on Lambeau Field." And there's the real problem those Cheeseheads had. They got spanked in their mythic stadium in a game they were supposed to win. So who's the poor sport?

This is the NFL! It's the NBA! It's sports! Let's shut up and have some fun. Randy Moss was.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Cavs Uniforms

Hannibal Lecter meets the Lollipop Guild

Carmelo Couture

Sure Lebron is showing everyone why he deserved Rookie of the Year last year and sure Bruce Bowen and the Spurs held 'Melo to only 8 points in yesterday's game, but can they say they have their own jeans???

I swear to God I did not make this up. Google "Carmelo Anthony" from my page and click on the last link in the ad box. These jeans are going on eBay for $24.99. Get it while it's hot! You know these babies are going fast.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

A Stern PSA

You gotta love David Stern for trying his best to get kids to go to college before entering the league - ie, the little plug in the 1st half of the Spurs game of Bruce Bowen going back to school to get his degree so he can show his nephews how important it is, not to mention the endless Coach Carter commercials. (I wouldn't be surprised if it was really Stern underneath an elaborate Sam Jack mask.) Sadly for Stern though, those valiant attempts will fall on deaf ears so long as the Lebron James gravy train keeps rollin through the league.

Speaking of Bron-Bron, did you see those retro uniforms the Cavs are rockin today? Holy hell, they look like renegade members of the Lollipop Guild! What goes in the closet should stay in the closet.

Nuggets vs. Spurs

Kenyon Martin vs. Tim Duncan

Crazy vs. Cool

My vote's for Cool.

K-Mart is a po' po' man's TD.

Another interesting matchup:
Mr. Lala vs. Mr. Eva Longoria

Mark Cuban: Presidential Material

I just read on article on the Kansas City Star website where Mark Cuban calls on Bush to cancel inauguration parties and instead donate the money ($30-40 mil) to tsunami relief efforts - Ain't happening. In the article, Cuban also says that he voted for Bush.

At first I was outraged, disgusted. Then common sense came over me once again and I realized of course Cuban voted for Bush. Here's the guy who refused to pony up $30 mil for the heart and soul of his team - citing budgetary concerns - then gave Erick Dampier (currently 8.2 pts, 7.5 rebounds and falling) $67 million! Of course he'd vote for the guy who cut funding for Head Start and other programs designed to benefit this country - citing budgetary concerns - and then proceeded to drop billions of dollars on a losing cause.

The championship and the war - neither douchebag is winning either.

By the way, this is coming from someone who loves Dirk Nowitzki, Michael Finley, and Marquis Daniels. Oh and who can forget my tribute to Nellie.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Robert Horry's Shiner

Robert Horry got a new haircut...And a new black eye!! What had happened??

Random Thoughts on Pacers-Spurs

When Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili talk to each other, what language do you think they speak?

Eva Longoria of Desperate Housewives is at the game. Do you think she's the biggest celebrity to hit the SBC Center?

Jackie Christie: The Gift that Just Keeps on Giving

Next on VH1: The Doug & Jackie Christie reality show.

It's just too good to be true. I'm sick of seeing Nick and Jessica compete for "World's Dumbest/Dullest Person." Oh but to be a fly on the wall in the asylum known as the Christie household, to see just how they come up with all those hand signals - one flick means "I love you," two flicks mean "You're way hotter than Tyra, I mean that person I've never looked at before" - it's going to be like watching The Osbournes and a bris all in one. I can't wait!

Refer to my previous post on Ms. Thang herself:

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Question on Suns-Twolves

How was what Amare did - bouncing the ball to Latrell Sprewell - taunting? Wasn't it more Spree overreacting?

I didn't watch the game (I got to see the Spurs whoop Kobe's ass instead) but by the SportsCenter and NBA TV highlights, I really didn't see grounds for the ejection.

55 points! Welcome back, Jermaine.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Jim Jackson Watch: Day 6

Have you seen this man?

Still no sign of J.J. down in Nawlins. Still just 2 wins for the Hornets - they lost to the Celtics 108-90.

Well well well, isn't this interesting: David Wesley played with Rockets VP Dennis Lindsey back at Baylor.

At least the players appreciated what Jim Jackson brought, even if the management didn't. "This team is definitely stunned," forward Maurice Taylor said. "He's the most consistent player we had. Jimmy is like a rock. He did whatever was necessary. He was a real class act."

We love you, J.J.!

Link to article:

Baby Boy: Dwight Howard

Still think there shouldn't be an age limit in the NBA? To put it in a different perspective, rookie and #1 draft pick Dwight Howard's favorite movie is Finding Nemo. Oh and he still wears braces.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Addendum on AI

My supreme guilt for having repeated some trash about AI compels me to write something more balanced on him. I feel hyprocritical extolling Kyle Korver for his heart and then doing the Page Six post because AI, like Rod Tidwell, is "all heart, motherfucker!" As everyone says, you either love or hate Allen Iverson and I happen to love him. I don't think he's infallible and I definitely question him at times, but one thing I never question is his heart.

Well, this is about as "balanced" as Fox News but at least I've assuaged some of my guilt.

Bottom Line: For all the negative stories and perceptions about Allen Iverson, this is the guy who after getting beat by Denver in a last minute, disappointing loss, when all he prolly wanted to do was get the hell out of dodge, still stopped for the little kid in a Sixers jersey begging for his sweatband and gave it to him. That's for real.

AI on Page Six

Remember that cautionary war slogan "Loose lips sink ships"? Well, someone should warn our favorite ballers that loose lips may sink their hmmhmm. As reported on Page Six:

January 2, 2005 -- HIP-hop hoochies are spilling all the dishy details about rappers and athletes they've supposedly bedded - including Jay-Z, Allen Iverson, Method Man and Jadakiss - in the new issue of Ozone magazine.

The ghetto-fried glossy - which bills itself as "The Southern Voice of Hip-Hop Music" - surveyed a group of anonymous groupies about their carnal conquests in its new "Sex Issue."

A woman who suppsedly bedded Jay-Z years ago, just after he released his seminal "Reasonable Doubt" album, said the future superstar's rap with the ladies left something to be desired. "He told me I looked like I had a [bleep]able mouth, which I thought was probably the most disrespectful [bleep] I'd ever heard," she said.

The hip-hop trollop described Jay-Z as "boring" in the bedroom...

Another groupie said she was left wanting by her one-night stand with basketball star Iverson. "He had the littlest, ashiest [bleep] I've ever seen," she said. "It wasn't even worth taking my clothes off for."

Perceptions differ, however: a different groupie called the magazine reporting that Iverson was "great" in bed, but did not want to be quoted in the article.

Lesson of the day?
But if you do, don't get your ass caught, written about, or arrested (Kobe). Wait, wasn't this the lesson of 2004??

Link to Page Six article:

Kyle Korver: All Heart

Finally - AI has a teammate who plays with as much heart as he does. I just watched the Sixers-Nuggets game (taped from Friday night) and the Backstreet Boy Wonder was everywhere. He chased down loose balls, sprinted back to make the block, just did all the grunt work that doesn't necessarily translate into stats but makes all the difference to the team and their fans. The Sixers ultimately lost the game to a more than elated Michael Cooper, but what stuck out most in my mind - aside from Coop's unprofessional high-5ing and whooping before the game was officially over - was Kyle Korver and how he left it all on the floor.

As impressed as I was during the game, I'm even more impressed now upon learning that Kyle's grandfather had just passed away.

In an interview today, Kyle said, "He's somebody I was pretty close to. It's tough. [Friday] was an emotional game. I obviously had him in my heart the whole time."

He played in today's game vs. the Clippers then flew out for the funeral (to be held tomorrow), but he said he'd be back for Wednesday's game against the Jazz. I think for all the shit that athletes, and NBA players in particular, have been getting recently, it's just as important to acknowledge examples of their professionalism and dedication to their team and to the game. This game may not go down like Brett Favre's 4 touchdowns against Oakland, but I appreciate the effort and the heart just the same.

Link to article on Kyle and his grandfather's passing: