Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

F.U.G.T.

I'm watching the Celtics-Mavs game right now (Dallas up by 5), and the more they bring up what Glen Taylor said about KG, the angrier I'm getting. It's just such an unwarranted, undeserved, blatantly cheap shot that goes against everything KG stands for, that even the most casual observer of basketball would unequivocally know to be untrue after watching KG play for a minute. Way to stab your franchise player for 12 years in the back...or rather the heart he wears on his sleeve. Since KG won't say it, I will: Fuck you, Glen Taylor.

Tonight's Lineup

I purposely delayed my flight another day so I could watch tonight's match ups. (Well, that and the fact that I'm not emotionally prepared to leave my dog. My cousin's like, "I don't even know who you are anymore.") Boston has the chance to sweep the 3 Texas teams for the first time since '01 and I fully expect them to do so because KG is going to be a beast tonight after being called out for tanking. Tanking...for missing the last 5 games of the season after toiling essentially alone for the last 12 years for Minny. I have the same thing to say to Glen Taylor as Faith Hill said to the ho bag who grabbed her husband's balls: "You gotta learn some class, my friend." He could take some lessons from Micky Arison. I don't know much about Micky Arison personally, but the way he handled the Shaq trade spoke volumes about his character. If Boston goes up by 25 early on, we may even see a smackdown between Mark Cuban and Avery Johnson. My money's on Avery. You know he's still scrappy as ever.

Update: Mark Cuban is MIA. Official excuse - "family commitment." What it really means - he has a responsibility to his family not to get beat down on national TV by an employee.

Rondo vs. Alston, or "Two Guys Who Can't Fight Staring at Each Other"

Or so says Charles Barkley. I missed the Celtics-Rockets game on Tuesday night, but luckily, my DVR caught Inside the NBA and Charles's take on the non-altercation between Rajon Rondo and Rafer Alston.

Is there a more influential, iconic athlete in our generation than Charles Barkley? He played with The Greatest Ever and retired 8 years ago, and yet his name still pops up in regular conversation. I caught an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians the other day (I'm embarrassed to say), and Bruce Jenner brought up the Chuckster's infamous "I am not a role model" quote to teach Kim a lesson. No, not on how to not act like a slut, but how not to act like a diva because that would negatively influence her younger sisters. I also read an article in SI on pigeon racing awhile back and the author describes pigeons as "the Charles Barkleys of the natural world: unassuming and bottom-heavy yet surprisingly athletic."

I'd rank Charles ahead of MJ, Tiger Woods, and Brett Favre on a scale of influence because while the latter 3 are icons in their respective fields, Charles's influence reaches well beyond the scope of his sport, due in part to his willingness (and the reticence of the other three) to state opinions on divisive matters. Charles has taken on the Church, homophobia, Democrats, Republicans, racists, feminists, Warriors fans, Suns fans. What a breath of fresh air (sometimes hot air) in a "No comment" era. At the end of the day, we know where he stands and I think people respect that more, even if they don't necessarily agree with his stance. Who knows. I may be wrong, but I doubt it. :)

David Stern's Asian Strategy, The Sonics, and Me

Just when I think I've temporarily shelved my passport, I'm leaving the country again...in 2 days...and I found out 6 days ago. Long story, but basically my old boss (who's a cross between Miranda Priestly and Miss Hannigan) called me up from Asia and begged me to come work immediately for a month or so. (This is why you shouldn't keep the same cell phone number!!) Anyway, since I'd already planned to go to Pennsylvania to campaign and visit friends, I was thinking of how to gently let her down when she started crying. Now when people cry, I have one of two reactions:

1. Complete and utter disgust, most recently exemplified by the 4 pussies on The Biggest Loser who bawled like their mothers just died when one of them got sent home...not to some Siberian prison never to be seen or heard from again...home. Ugh. This is why I can't watch reality shows. OR
2. I feel so badly that I will do anything for that person. Example: KG after his interview with John Thompson. Glen Taylor, you are an asshole.

So before I knew it, I was agreeing to fly 13 hours and 6,000 miles away, which means I'll miss the Pennsylvania primary and the perfect opportunity to wear my new Marc Jacobs Hillary shirt. (Get one or six today for $35 each at Marc Jacobs.) And for the 3rd year in a row, I'll miss the end of the craziest NBA season and the beginning of playoffs. So what does that have to do with David Stern's Asian strategy and the Sonics?

In his Time interview, Stern said that the Sonics potentially leaving the diversity of Seattle for the (expletive deleted because I think it's unfair to characterize all Oklahomans by the actions of one Clay Bennett) confines of Oklahoma City wouldn't affect the NBA's efforts in the Asian market because "our Asian philosophy is more about being there. We have offices in Tokyo, Hong Kong, Shanghai and Beijing." Well, if "being there" is how to make inroads into Asia, I plan on making a lot of inroads, or at the very least a lot of noise, on behalf of the tireless Sonics fans who deserve a hell of a lot more than what they're getting. I just can't believe that more people aren't outraged. And the thousands upon thousands who are are totally being dismissed by the Commissioner. As Bill Simmons wrote,

"There is only one side. An NBA team is getting hijacked and there's no way of sugarcoating it, defending it or justifying it. Again, if it happens to the Sonics, it could happen to your team. That's why you should care."

I feel like if there was a groundswell of support from LA or New York or the Bay Area, there would be more media attention paid to Seattle which would in turn attract the attention of the casual fan. (Imagine if everyone inside Staples Center held up signs in support of the Sonics? The catch-22 is, of course, that the majority of people who sit close enough to be seen on camera at Staples are casual fans and thus unlikely to do anything of the sort unless it was already a cause celebre.) Why does it seem like all really important decisions, like the fate of the country or the fate of a franchise, come down to casual observers and undecideds? (Seriously, there have been how many debates and you still can't make up your fucking mind????) But the powers-that-be in all fields seem to give disproportionate power and influence to this group and then make nonsensical decisions based on them. Nevertheless, I'll try to do my part in helping people see the light in this situation. Now if only Marc Jacobs would make a shirt...

Bitch is the New Black!

TMI Gilbert!

Sharing is caring, except when it's gross and f-ing nasty.

From Page Six:

Wizards' Gilbert Arenas knows what real pain is. "When I was new in the NBA, the team veterans convinced me to shave, you know, down there," the outspoken point guard tells next month's Men's Journal. "I used my girlfriend's razor, which was rusty and gave me keloids. The doctor prescribed medicine to dab on, but I just poured it all over. Three days later I woke up screaming. The skin was burnt off . . . just raw flesh. I used a numbing spray for a month until it healed."

So is that what you guys talk about when girls aren't around??

Source: NY Post

Had some connectivity and broken laptop screen issues over the weekend. Sorry if the dates of some posts are screwy.

Who's Bigger: Shaq or Hannah Montana?

It makes me sad that some chick named Hannah Montana can sell out American Airlines Arena faster than The Diesel and D-Wade. While we're at it, who the hell are the Jonas Brothers? The things parents do for their kids. (PS - Thanks, Mom, for all the NKOTB stuff and you were right.)

Look at Shaq Daddy in his Elmo shirt and hat. He's hands-down the NBA player I'd most want as a dad. And he's doing the good dad thing by playing nicey-nice with the ex for the sake of the kids. Paging Jason Kidd. While we're on the subject of NBA dads, I still can't believe Dwight "Let's Put a Cross on the Jersey" Howard is a dad. Unless you're willing to go to A.C. Green lengths, quit proselytizing, Dwight. And with a cheerleader. How cliche.

Source: TMZ

Shaq to Phoenix in Hopes of Becoming One

Well, if anyone can do it, Shaq can. If anyone can help him do it, Nash can.

Still, I'm as surprised as anyone by this trade, in part because I didn't think the Suns would actually let Shawn Marion go. He's their workhorse, albeit a disgruntled one. Nonetheless, he does all the dirty work. I voted for him and Steve Nash for the All Star Game from the Suns. I can understand Shawn's frustration though. He wants to be an All Star and get some individual credit, even if it means giving up the chance to play with Nash and going to a crappy team. It worked for Joe Johnson. I don't agree with it, but I understand. I also hate that the Joe Johnson route worked, that he is an All Star for the second time as a Hawk. My best friend lives in Atlanta and used to go to school with Josh Childress, and she still wouldn't be able to name the NBA team that plays there even if I gave her 2 choices. Maybe if we followed the Jeff Van Gundy plan - not let any player from a sub-.500 team on the All Star teams - this desire to abandon a non-sinking ship for a sinking one wouldn't be as intense. Then again, considering the egos, maybe not.

I hope Shaq and the Suns work out. He's had enough personal, physical and occupational turmoil for the year. With Pau-pow to the Lakers and Shaq to the Suns, I hope the Mavs and San Antone have something up their sleeves. Considering the ignominious end to the NFL season, it'll be interesting to see how the second half of the NBA season plays out. Get your popcorn ready. Ugh. I can't believe T.O. has entered my lexicon. SportsCenter has destroyed my mind.

Did you vote today?

Another 2 fucking weeks of Manning family stories.  I already know more about them than I do about my own family.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CruelLA Fans

We get it. Kwame Brown sucks. I'm sure he gets it, too. So is it really necessary to boo him EVERY single time he touches the ball, which is what Laker fans did throughout the 3rd quarter of the Suns-Lakers game? I understand why Knicks fans boo Isiah - he could use a little a lot of humbling and a massive reality check. Sadly, the only check he's getting is a massive paycheck because James Dolan is as delusional as he is. Isiah probably feeds off the negativity because it reminds him of his Detroit Bad Boy days and thus further inflates his ego.

Kwame, on the other hand, didn't Michael Jordan take whatever pride he had left? Whatever MJ didn't destroy, his old buddy Phil already took care of. Does Kwame really need to be further humiliated and mercilessly taunted by his home crowd in front of a national audience? Who knows - Kwame may still pull an Eli and have his breakthrough season. Okay, I'm totally reaching, but c'mon, LA. Do you really want to be known as the Giants fans of the West?

Stick to the cruel but funny stuff. For example, whoever called Leandro Barbosa in his hotel room and told him he was traded to the Knicks???? This person was so believable that Leandro ended up in tears at Dan D'Antoni's door asking why the Suns would trade him away. Soooooooo mean! But hilarious. And a lesson for all NBA players - never use your real name when you're on the road. Poor sweet, innocent Leandro. According to Ron Mexico, your new alias is Philippe Poland.

Photo Source: AP Photo

Books

I finished A Thousand Splendid Suns yesterday. What more can I say other than it was a fantastic read. You'll laugh, you'll cry. You'll cry some more. You'll probably want to name your future daughter Laila. (Seriously, two of my girlfriends already do.) Anyway, the next book I'm reading is Middlesex, which has been sitting on my shelf for the past 2 years, BEFORE Oprah made it her book club pick, thank you very much. Emeka Okafor picked it up during his rookie season and discussed it on NBA Rookies. I'll let him explain it to you.

Joakim Noah vs Hope Solo

The elective benching of Joakim Noah by his teammates for what they felt was conduct unbecoming of a teammate was viewed by some analysts as veterans merely teaching the rookie a lesson. Some even went so far as to say the team benched him because they care about him and want what's best for him. Bullshit. Hope Solo's benching by her teammates for what they too felt was conduct unbecoming of a teammate was described by SI as "sorority-style vindictiveness" and labeled one of 2007's worst stories.


So why isn't what the Bulls did labeled vindictive, fraternity-style or not? If anything, I think what the Bulls did was worse because they made a private issue public. The U.S. women's soccer team reacted publicly to something a player did in public. Whatever happened between Noah and assistant coach Ron Adams occurred behind closed doors and was taken care of by the coaching staff - hardly unusual, minor story, the end. Then, the players take the unprecedented step of voting to bench him for another game and it becomes a national story that increases the scrutiny on an already unstable team. Now, every laugh and remark is being analyzed to death with he said, he said stories coming out of the locker room. And girls are supposed to be the gossipy, vindictive ones?

Upon Further Review

Photo Source: AP Photo

NFL's Finest

Another playoff series. Another epic Dallas collapse. If the Mavs don't step up this year, the Dallas fanbase may soon rival Philly's in anger and frustration.

While I feel for the Dallas faithful (though not so much for T.O. or Romo), I'm thrilled by this weekend's results. All of my picks, even the ones I didn't have much okay, any stock in (San Diego), came through. I even stopped reading my book for 2 agonizing days because I knew once I picked it up, I wouldn't be able to put it down until it was done, thus not getting any sleep and being exhausted for the games. The 10am Sunday start time is bad enough. Thank God for the hour of DVR playback or I would have missed the start of the Chargers-Colts game.

On a sidenote, can I just say how glad I am to be back in the States? That means a lot coming from me because I love to travel and I always thought I'd move abroad after college and never look back. Well, I did move abroad and as wonderful an experience as it was, I ended up looking back and coming back. I was bitching and moaning for awhile there after I came back, but I can finally wholeheartedly say there's no place like home. This time last year, I was on my cell with my cousin at 3am Paris time as she held the phone up to her TV for the last 20 minutes of the Pats-Chargers game. 20 minutes at I don't even remember how many euros per minute. At least the Pats won that game though. The following week when they lost at Indy...Tom Brady and Co. owe me money for that call. And, like Gisele, I would like to be paid in euros.

Back to the games. I love how the Pats and Packers are sitting pretty and relatively unscathed as the Chargers and Giants played their minds and bodies out. And the damage the two victorious road teams left in their wake: a sobbing T.O., a despondent Romo, a possibly out-of-a-job Phillips, a moded Tiki.

T.O.'s really upset because he couldn't find his lip gloss before the interview.

Peyton doesn't seem as hard-pressed anymore - in the postgame, I mean. He's still as annoyingly prepared and competitive as ever on the field, but a loss like this doesn't seem like it's going to gnaw at him as much. No more Dan Marino comparisons for him. Now he's being compared to Little Brother. I liked Eli's response when some reporter asked if it felt good to win when Peyton lost. Eli just looked at him in disgust and said, "Next question."

At the request of my cousin - the same one who held the phone up to the TV on countless occasions - NBA's Finest will be NFL heavy for the next 3 weeks. Actually, she wants it to be NFL heavy all the time because "then [she] would read it more." Sigh. I guess the NBA really isn't what it once was. And truth be told, the potential Packers-Patriots matchup is too exciting to ignore. So welcome to NBA and NFL's Finest!

Photo Source: Getty Images, AP Photo

500 Splendid Suns

OH MY GOD. I'm halfway through A Thousand Splendid Suns right now and it's amazing. I started it at 3am and haven't been able to put it down. I'm desperately trying to pace myself so I don't finish it too quickly, but damn, it's good.

Speaking of reading, I just got the ESPN mag with Dwyane Wade on the cover. In addition to "Acting. Producing. Modeling. Clothing line. All that. Restaurants." D-Wade is learning a word a week. Newly added to his verbal repertoire: immaculate, cohorts, and lethargic. Once he learns defenestrate, he'll be ready for the SATs. Defenestrate: what Heat fans are doing to their ridiculously overpriced tickets.

The Real Reason My Computer Screen Cracked

Oh, JaMarcus. I especially loved the "Bama Boy" chain he had with the giant, diamond-studded elephant head on it. I'm assuming "Bama" doesn't mean Obama since Barack is a Democrat and thus not represented by the elephant. (Although it would be cool if someone got a Obama Boy chain with a huge donkey head encrusted with diamonds on it. Then they could officially be called an ass.) I guess it refers to Alabama, but I didn't realize elephants roamed around Mobile.










Photo Source: Getty Images

Where My Dog At

So about a month ago, my Mom calls me up and is like, "Hey, do you want a dog???" My answer was an emphatic Hell NO! followed by more hell no's since my mother doesn't always listen to what I say the first time around. After the fifth no, I thought the message got through.

The next day, she calls again and is like, "Are you sure??? It's a poodle!" Again, I reiterated, "No, Mom! No dogs!! I don't need to be cleaning up after some little, yappy poodle." She said, "It's 7-years-old and already trained!" "Well," I told her, "I don't need to be looking after an old, yappy dog either!"

Words falling on deaf ears. Two days later, she brought the dog home. Ungroomed. Apparently, one of her clients was going abroad for the holidays for at least a month so she agreed to take the dog for the duration. Now I don't hate dogs, I just don't actively like them. (Or so I thought.) The first few days with the dog, Jenny, I washed my hands each time after I touched her. When she jumped on my bed and sat on my pillow, I freaked out and washed all my sheets. Did I mention she was ungroomed and a little smelly and I'm a slight germaphobe? When I told my friends about the dog, they thought it was hilarious but were outraged that the dog was named Jenny. Apparently, there's an unwritten rule that you don't give dogs real names, or so said the owners of Stinky and Otto. I was like, "Whatever, it's not even my dog."

A week later, my Mom tells me she's going away for the weekend so I need to watch the dog. Well, as my cousin said, my small heart grew three sizes that weekend. The dog has separation anxiety and can't be left alone, so she ended up sticking by my side for 72 hours. She even slept with me in my bed. After that, no more washing my hands every 2 minutes or washing my sheets. I'm such a girl - after sleeping with someone, it's I love you! So yeah, I took her to the groomer and got her a new outfit so she's all spiffy now. I've also renamed her, according to the Angelina rules.

Now I'm showing off the newest member of my family, Bubble. Isn't she cuuuuuuuute??? She's the sweetest little thing, too. We're totally bonded. When I was carrying my friend's baby, she cried until I put the baby down and held her instead. She even fell asleep on my shoulder like a baby!

So this is my plan for keeping Bubble. One - put a microchip in her with my name and address, so if she's taken away, I can pull an Iggy and call the police and say she's mine. Two - dye her black so if and when the abandoner/previous owner comes back, I can just be like, "What are you talking about? This is my dog!" Three - let the dog choose. I have full confidence she'll come to me. Hopefully, it won't come to all that. If I know my mother, she probably already agreed to keep the dog and said it was only temporary to placate me. We'll see.

Starting the New Year Off With A Bang

Literally.

I'm already over '08. Behold my once beautiful Mac. I wish I could say something cool like this happened in the heat of battle during the Jags-Steelers game or the Spurs-Warriors game, where I got so excited that the remote flew out of my hand. But no. The Spurs-Warriors game was on in the background, but this travesty happened because I was playing with my new dog and forgot that I left my tank of a camera on the bed, so when I pulled the blanket over my head (you know, to play peek-a-boo), the camera went flying and hit my laptop dead-on. The $300 camera, fine. The nearly $3000 laptop that I carted all over Europe without even a scratch, well, you can see for yourself. I can't even bring myself to call Mac to see how much it's gonna cost to fix because I know it's going to be something insane. I didn't even like dogs before this one. And technically, I'm not even the owner of the dog...yet. Had this happened a month ago to anybody else, I would have said, "This is what happens when you play freakin' peek-a-boo with an animal and treat it like it's a person!" But now, broken laptop and all, I love my dog and am willing to go to Iggy-like lengths to keep her. (More on that later.)

So yeah, an ignominious start to the new year. At least the Spurs and the Warriors provided a little distraction after THE HIT occurred, although after OT, I went right back to being catatonic. But if anybody's interested in an indestructible camera, get the Canon PowerShot SD450 (Digital Elph series). Hell, I'll give you mine. I can't even look at it right now. Anyway, hope you had a Happy New Year!