Another 2 fucking weeks of Manning family stories.  I already know more about them than I do about my own family.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CruelLA Fans

We get it. Kwame Brown sucks. I'm sure he gets it, too. So is it really necessary to boo him EVERY single time he touches the ball, which is what Laker fans did throughout the 3rd quarter of the Suns-Lakers game? I understand why Knicks fans boo Isiah - he could use a little a lot of humbling and a massive reality check. Sadly, the only check he's getting is a massive paycheck because James Dolan is as delusional as he is. Isiah probably feeds off the negativity because it reminds him of his Detroit Bad Boy days and thus further inflates his ego.

Kwame, on the other hand, didn't Michael Jordan take whatever pride he had left? Whatever MJ didn't destroy, his old buddy Phil already took care of. Does Kwame really need to be further humiliated and mercilessly taunted by his home crowd in front of a national audience? Who knows - Kwame may still pull an Eli and have his breakthrough season. Okay, I'm totally reaching, but c'mon, LA. Do you really want to be known as the Giants fans of the West?

Stick to the cruel but funny stuff. For example, whoever called Leandro Barbosa in his hotel room and told him he was traded to the Knicks???? This person was so believable that Leandro ended up in tears at Dan D'Antoni's door asking why the Suns would trade him away. Soooooooo mean! But hilarious. And a lesson for all NBA players - never use your real name when you're on the road. Poor sweet, innocent Leandro. According to Ron Mexico, your new alias is Philippe Poland.

Photo Source: AP Photo

Books

I finished A Thousand Splendid Suns yesterday. What more can I say other than it was a fantastic read. You'll laugh, you'll cry. You'll cry some more. You'll probably want to name your future daughter Laila. (Seriously, two of my girlfriends already do.) Anyway, the next book I'm reading is Middlesex, which has been sitting on my shelf for the past 2 years, BEFORE Oprah made it her book club pick, thank you very much. Emeka Okafor picked it up during his rookie season and discussed it on NBA Rookies. I'll let him explain it to you.

Joakim Noah vs Hope Solo

The elective benching of Joakim Noah by his teammates for what they felt was conduct unbecoming of a teammate was viewed by some analysts as veterans merely teaching the rookie a lesson. Some even went so far as to say the team benched him because they care about him and want what's best for him. Bullshit. Hope Solo's benching by her teammates for what they too felt was conduct unbecoming of a teammate was described by SI as "sorority-style vindictiveness" and labeled one of 2007's worst stories.


So why isn't what the Bulls did labeled vindictive, fraternity-style or not? If anything, I think what the Bulls did was worse because they made a private issue public. The U.S. women's soccer team reacted publicly to something a player did in public. Whatever happened between Noah and assistant coach Ron Adams occurred behind closed doors and was taken care of by the coaching staff - hardly unusual, minor story, the end. Then, the players take the unprecedented step of voting to bench him for another game and it becomes a national story that increases the scrutiny on an already unstable team. Now, every laugh and remark is being analyzed to death with he said, he said stories coming out of the locker room. And girls are supposed to be the gossipy, vindictive ones?

Upon Further Review

Photo Source: AP Photo

NFL's Finest

Another playoff series. Another epic Dallas collapse. If the Mavs don't step up this year, the Dallas fanbase may soon rival Philly's in anger and frustration.

While I feel for the Dallas faithful (though not so much for T.O. or Romo), I'm thrilled by this weekend's results. All of my picks, even the ones I didn't have much okay, any stock in (San Diego), came through. I even stopped reading my book for 2 agonizing days because I knew once I picked it up, I wouldn't be able to put it down until it was done, thus not getting any sleep and being exhausted for the games. The 10am Sunday start time is bad enough. Thank God for the hour of DVR playback or I would have missed the start of the Chargers-Colts game.

On a sidenote, can I just say how glad I am to be back in the States? That means a lot coming from me because I love to travel and I always thought I'd move abroad after college and never look back. Well, I did move abroad and as wonderful an experience as it was, I ended up looking back and coming back. I was bitching and moaning for awhile there after I came back, but I can finally wholeheartedly say there's no place like home. This time last year, I was on my cell with my cousin at 3am Paris time as she held the phone up to her TV for the last 20 minutes of the Pats-Chargers game. 20 minutes at I don't even remember how many euros per minute. At least the Pats won that game though. The following week when they lost at Indy...Tom Brady and Co. owe me money for that call. And, like Gisele, I would like to be paid in euros.

Back to the games. I love how the Pats and Packers are sitting pretty and relatively unscathed as the Chargers and Giants played their minds and bodies out. And the damage the two victorious road teams left in their wake: a sobbing T.O., a despondent Romo, a possibly out-of-a-job Phillips, a moded Tiki.

T.O.'s really upset because he couldn't find his lip gloss before the interview.

Peyton doesn't seem as hard-pressed anymore - in the postgame, I mean. He's still as annoyingly prepared and competitive as ever on the field, but a loss like this doesn't seem like it's going to gnaw at him as much. No more Dan Marino comparisons for him. Now he's being compared to Little Brother. I liked Eli's response when some reporter asked if it felt good to win when Peyton lost. Eli just looked at him in disgust and said, "Next question."

At the request of my cousin - the same one who held the phone up to the TV on countless occasions - NBA's Finest will be NFL heavy for the next 3 weeks. Actually, she wants it to be NFL heavy all the time because "then [she] would read it more." Sigh. I guess the NBA really isn't what it once was. And truth be told, the potential Packers-Patriots matchup is too exciting to ignore. So welcome to NBA and NFL's Finest!

Photo Source: Getty Images, AP Photo

500 Splendid Suns

OH MY GOD. I'm halfway through A Thousand Splendid Suns right now and it's amazing. I started it at 3am and haven't been able to put it down. I'm desperately trying to pace myself so I don't finish it too quickly, but damn, it's good.

Speaking of reading, I just got the ESPN mag with Dwyane Wade on the cover. In addition to "Acting. Producing. Modeling. Clothing line. All that. Restaurants." D-Wade is learning a word a week. Newly added to his verbal repertoire: immaculate, cohorts, and lethargic. Once he learns defenestrate, he'll be ready for the SATs. Defenestrate: what Heat fans are doing to their ridiculously overpriced tickets.

The Real Reason My Computer Screen Cracked

Oh, JaMarcus. I especially loved the "Bama Boy" chain he had with the giant, diamond-studded elephant head on it. I'm assuming "Bama" doesn't mean Obama since Barack is a Democrat and thus not represented by the elephant. (Although it would be cool if someone got a Obama Boy chain with a huge donkey head encrusted with diamonds on it. Then they could officially be called an ass.) I guess it refers to Alabama, but I didn't realize elephants roamed around Mobile.










Photo Source: Getty Images

Where My Dog At

So about a month ago, my Mom calls me up and is like, "Hey, do you want a dog???" My answer was an emphatic Hell NO! followed by more hell no's since my mother doesn't always listen to what I say the first time around. After the fifth no, I thought the message got through.

The next day, she calls again and is like, "Are you sure??? It's a poodle!" Again, I reiterated, "No, Mom! No dogs!! I don't need to be cleaning up after some little, yappy poodle." She said, "It's 7-years-old and already trained!" "Well," I told her, "I don't need to be looking after an old, yappy dog either!"

Words falling on deaf ears. Two days later, she brought the dog home. Ungroomed. Apparently, one of her clients was going abroad for the holidays for at least a month so she agreed to take the dog for the duration. Now I don't hate dogs, I just don't actively like them. (Or so I thought.) The first few days with the dog, Jenny, I washed my hands each time after I touched her. When she jumped on my bed and sat on my pillow, I freaked out and washed all my sheets. Did I mention she was ungroomed and a little smelly and I'm a slight germaphobe? When I told my friends about the dog, they thought it was hilarious but were outraged that the dog was named Jenny. Apparently, there's an unwritten rule that you don't give dogs real names, or so said the owners of Stinky and Otto. I was like, "Whatever, it's not even my dog."

A week later, my Mom tells me she's going away for the weekend so I need to watch the dog. Well, as my cousin said, my small heart grew three sizes that weekend. The dog has separation anxiety and can't be left alone, so she ended up sticking by my side for 72 hours. She even slept with me in my bed. After that, no more washing my hands every 2 minutes or washing my sheets. I'm such a girl - after sleeping with someone, it's I love you! So yeah, I took her to the groomer and got her a new outfit so she's all spiffy now. I've also renamed her, according to the Angelina rules.

Now I'm showing off the newest member of my family, Bubble. Isn't she cuuuuuuuute??? She's the sweetest little thing, too. We're totally bonded. When I was carrying my friend's baby, she cried until I put the baby down and held her instead. She even fell asleep on my shoulder like a baby!

So this is my plan for keeping Bubble. One - put a microchip in her with my name and address, so if she's taken away, I can pull an Iggy and call the police and say she's mine. Two - dye her black so if and when the abandoner/previous owner comes back, I can just be like, "What are you talking about? This is my dog!" Three - let the dog choose. I have full confidence she'll come to me. Hopefully, it won't come to all that. If I know my mother, she probably already agreed to keep the dog and said it was only temporary to placate me. We'll see.

Starting the New Year Off With A Bang

Literally.

I'm already over '08. Behold my once beautiful Mac. I wish I could say something cool like this happened in the heat of battle during the Jags-Steelers game or the Spurs-Warriors game, where I got so excited that the remote flew out of my hand. But no. The Spurs-Warriors game was on in the background, but this travesty happened because I was playing with my new dog and forgot that I left my tank of a camera on the bed, so when I pulled the blanket over my head (you know, to play peek-a-boo), the camera went flying and hit my laptop dead-on. The $300 camera, fine. The nearly $3000 laptop that I carted all over Europe without even a scratch, well, you can see for yourself. I can't even bring myself to call Mac to see how much it's gonna cost to fix because I know it's going to be something insane. I didn't even like dogs before this one. And technically, I'm not even the owner of the dog...yet. Had this happened a month ago to anybody else, I would have said, "This is what happens when you play freakin' peek-a-boo with an animal and treat it like it's a person!" But now, broken laptop and all, I love my dog and am willing to go to Iggy-like lengths to keep her. (More on that later.)

So yeah, an ignominious start to the new year. At least the Spurs and the Warriors provided a little distraction after THE HIT occurred, although after OT, I went right back to being catatonic. But if anybody's interested in an indestructible camera, get the Canon PowerShot SD450 (Digital Elph series). Hell, I'll give you mine. I can't even look at it right now. Anyway, hope you had a Happy New Year!