Sports' True Mad Genius (And It Ain't Bill Belichick)

The only modern coaches I can think of given the label of "genius" are Bill Belichick and Phil Jackson. And of those two, one of them was left mumbling "serenity now, serenity now" in the Indian Ocean, thereby leaving Bill Belichick standing alone in the pantheon of coaching genius. However, Belichick has been just been dethroned by a man who gives new meaning to the word "unflappable."

It's not always what you do that defines your legacy but what you cause other people to do (case in point, the anti-mastermind John Chaney). Belichick may have caused some long faces - insert Peyton Manning joke here - but it takes a true genius, an unparalleled master of gamesmanship to reduce a man worth an estimated half a billion dollars to flapping his arms like a chicken and screaming "Varsity! Varsity!" like some crazy homeless man who pees on himself.

Enter the one, the only Gregg Popovich.

And the man who you'll next see trying to wash your windshield as you get on the freeway, Mr. Robert Sarver .

For those who don't know what happened or didn't get to read my post before Blogger erased it (argh!) , Sarver (the poor man's Jerry Colangelo and the Suns' new San Diego-based owner) was so agitated that Pop decided not to play Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili in the last Spurs-Suns meeting of the season that he stood courtside flapping like a chicken and yelling "Varsity! Varsity! Varsity!" It was even funnier considering the Suns barely beat an apparently J.V. starting lineup of Tony Parker, Bruce Bowen, Rasho Nesterovic, Robert Horry, and Brent Barry.

Pop's response: "In life, a lot of questions don't get answered for us. I still don't know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. I don't know who `Deep Throat' was in Watergate. But now I know who was under the `San Diego Chicken' outfit all of those years."

Genius. Pure genius.

PS. If the San Antonio fans are anything like their Dallas counterparts, they'll have shirts made up the next time the Suns come to town saying "Thanks for the practice" or "Suns: Not yet ready for Varsity." I'd love to see the Coyote hand Sarver a chicken suit and flap his arms until he put it on. I love this game.

The Christies on Real Sports (HBO)

Check local listings. TiVo.

Need I say more??

Blogging Issues

Is anyone else having problems using Blogger? The last couple times I've tried to post, either I get an error message before it publishes or it won't let me create or edit any posts. I don't want to complain about a free service but damn, I've lost at least 3 posts, or what would have been posts. I love how I can remember every line from The Mighty Ducks but I can't for the life of me remember what I wrote 5 minutes ago.

John Thompson

I love how John Thompson has become the Barbara Walters of the NBA. First, he made KG cry. Tonight he showed us Baron Davis' Jamie Foxx side with Baron's cuter than cute grandma. I'm waiting for the ultimate showdown though, when the master interviewer takes on the master interviewee: Thompson vs. Stern. Live and uncensored. Oh I'd love to see that. Thompson badgering him with "David, give it to me straight. I don't want a PC answer. I want the truth," while David Stern sits there with that demonic smile plastered on his face while his innards stew.

After that, I think Coach should start a View-esque show called The Bench. Let's see, Magic could be Joy Behar, the wise cracking one (although flashbacks to The Magic Hour would make us cry more than laugh); Star Jones would be played by the only other person whose girth we would mock with equal glee - Sir Charles; the on air disaster also known as Debbie Matenopoulos would be played by the equally challenged Tom Tolbert until he was canned for Steve Kerr.

Ahh which grown ass man is John Thompson going to reduce to tears next...

By the way, what the fuck is Michael Jackson thinking showing up to court in his pajamas??? Even Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson ain't THAT crazy!

IMDB Allen Iverson

Have you ever IMDB'd AI? Trademark: Skipping practice. Dang, you say one thing and you're labelled for life. At least he's cute.

He even makes the headbop look cool. Eat your heart out, Q!

The Real World

So I'm at the gym and the Nazi receptionist absolutely refuses to change the TV channels leaving me with
a) MTV;
b) Convert to Christianity NOW, aka the Kirk Cameron channel;
c) Infomercials.

Now something you have to know about me is that I abhor MTV. It's the television equivalent of Kobe Bryant - I feel physically ill after watching something so fake and self-absorbed, but I'll watch when I know someone I like is going to be on (like this weekend when Dirk gets Punk'd).

So after 20 min of crazed Bush supporters and at-home rotisseries, I glanced over at MTV and who do I see next to the crazy looking white boy? David Harrison. I was like what the fuck is David Harrison doing on the Real World. He's crazy looking white boy's best friend.

Then he caused a fight between white boy and his girlfriend - even then, DH causing all that chaos. Anyway, the night ended with WB walking DH home and stopping to have a heart to heart with him on a bench under the moonlight. So sweet. No wonder people in Philly threw chairs at the Real Worlders.

Anyway, my point? The Mavs better beat the Lakers tomorrow. :)

Ennui

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I'm feeling a bit despondent of late. I don't know if it's because I've just witnessed the last hurrah of the Kings I know and love...now it's the Kings I have to read the backs of their jerseys to know. (Not really...okay just Brian Skinner.) It helped though seeing the way Kenny Thomas and a lineup minus Brad Miller and Cuttino Mobley played on Sunday. But it was weird watching the dynamic between Mike and Peja.

What I loved most about the Kings was their camaraderie - the fact that Chris Webber and Mike Bibby showed up for their Tonight Show appearance in matching sweatsuits.

The fact that the whole bench was cheering when Mike got his triple-double. The fact that they were the anti-Lakers.

Watching the game on Sunday against the Pistons and seeing Mike and Peja walk back to the bench after a huge Kings run in complete silence and utter indifference towards one another...it wasn't quite Shaq vs. Kobe XXV, but it wasn't the Kings either.

Before that, it was seeing Jermaine O'Neal's mini tantrum against Shandon Anderson and the refs too chickenshit to call anything in the Jermaine as Mother Teresa era. Now I defended Jermaine O'Neal more than anyone else after the brawl, but that doesn't mean I think he's an angel incapable of ever acting out of line. He kicked a guy. T him up.

And Mo, darling Maurice Cheeks. I just hope he ends up on a team where the management has some balls and there's NO MORE POPCORN!

And the T'wolves. Watching them lose to the Clippers, the Warriors, and the even sorrier Jazz...and then seeing KG break down on national TV. Damn.

Aiight - I'm done moping. I just read the funniest thing on Page 2 (Bill Simmons' intern contest):
What do you think was the funniest moment in sports history and why?
For those watching the live feed of the Pistons/Pacers brawl, the moment when Jamal Tinsley emerged from the locker room brandishing a dustpan ready to take on all comers.

Oh how could I forget Jamaal and the dustpan. I'm over my ennui. I'm now going to spend the next 10 minutes Googling "Jamaal Tinsley, dustpan."

In Defense of C-Webb

Since the trade, one of the things I keep hearing about Chris Webber is how he never takes the last shot. Tony Kornheiser mentioned it on PTI and Skip Bayless referred to it as one of C-Webb's "loser intangibles." Clearly neither man has watched a Kings game this season or read my blog. (Assholes!) If anything, I thought C-Webb was taking too many last minute shots, meaning HE'S WILLING TO TAKE THE LAST SHOT! For the love of God, you'd think Stat Boy would have mentioned Game 7 vs. Minnesota last year, or the Milwaukee game Dec. 14th, or the Blazers game Jan. 18th, or my personal favorite, the Rockets game on Jan. 28th. That was the game where Bibby inbounded the ball and Chris faked the pass back to him then made the game-tying shot that forced overtime. It was beautiful...Of course if would have been even better if the Kings had actually won that game, but let's not quibble over spilt milk.

Anyway, I know C-Webb and his peg leg have faults aplenty. But give the man his due. If you're going to fault him, find something tangible.

If They Mated: Lebron James and Steve Francis

The result:
He'd have Mama Lebron's talent as an 18-year-old and try to jump to the pros early, but like Papa Steve, he'd end up running his mouth faster than he runs the floor, or 4-0.

Back From My Mercy Mission

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I went to Dallas to reason with my favorite German on his very ill-advised sweatband, and in a fit of rage, he goes and shaves his head!

Personally, I think he really did it to show some solidarity to his new teammate and reigning "Whitest Guy in the NBA," none other than Keith Van Horn. Or perhaps he did it to distance himself from fellow shaggy blonde Chris Andersen - and really, after the Slam Dunk contest, who can blame him. Either way, ding dong the sweatband is gone!