And On The 10th Day, They Rested

And probably partied a bit. It's Vegas, baby.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Breaking News at Mexico vs Venezuela

The rim has fallen down! Nick Collison trying to take credit. Leo Rautins complaining about the extra warm up time for Mexico and Venezuela.

Update: The rim is back up. Horacio Llamas is testing its tensile strength as the crowd of tens looks on with bated breath. It has survived the Llamas test.

More bad news. The rim is not to regulation height. It's a half inch too short. Current time: 1:48pm. "Crowd" looks even more bored than usual. Team USA's 9pm start time may be further delayed.

1:55pm - Audience officially asleep. No, seriously. The one girl they keep showing in the stands is sleeping. Rick Kamla and partner trying to do their best to keep us entertained. FYI Kamla's wife does not like that he's not more of a handyman. Mercifully, NBA TV has decided to run the Amare Stoudemire halftime feature from last night's game.

1:59pm - Looks like the game may actually start. Another clip of the rim coming down. A portly hand with a white wristband is shown pulling at the net moments before the fall. Horacio may have been involved! Kamla just referred to this whole situation as "Rimgate." Hehe.

2pm - Tip off.

Team USA vs Argentina

MIDNIGHT EST!! Those of you on the East Coast who will be watching this, why? Just kidding. This is the last game of the second round. Tomorrow may be your last chance to see Horacio and co. Since the US and Argentina have the top two spots, the battle for 3, 4, and 5 and a spot in the Olympic qualifier next year is on between Canada, Brazil, Puerto Rico, and Uruguay. If both Puerto Rico and Uruguay win, it's going to be a 4-way tie.

Here's the schedule for tomorrow:

• 1:30pm - Mexico vs Venezuela on NBA TV
  
• 4pm - Brazil vs Uruguay on NBA TV and FSN
  
• 6:30pm - Puerto vs Canada on NBA TV
  
• 9pm - USA vs Argentina on ESPN2
  

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Why Lebron Played Extra Special Tonight

In tonight's game against Uruguay, Lebron scored 26 points, making all 11 of his shots in the process. While some may attribute this to his sterling work ethic - Lebron would never mail in a game - the more likely reason was the presence of two people in the crowd of thousands maybe 2,000. Okay 1,000.

Jay Z and Beyonce watched Team USA beat Uruguay 118-79. As a tribute, Lebron threw up the roc, something he hadn't been doing (thankfully) as much during the tournament.

I just don't get the point of the whole roc thing. First of all, it's a Pilates move. I can never remember the names of all the moves, so I just give them my own names, such as "Jesus H" and "no way in hell." Anyway, there's one exercise on the reformer - I think the original name is shaving or shave to the head or something - where you make a triangle with your hands on your forehead and then extend your arms at a 45 degree angle. When my Pilates instructor first showed me, I just called it the roc to make it easier. Finally, she was like, "Why do you keep calling it that?" So I explained to her that it's an asinine thing Jay Z does that he gets all his followers to do, too. She then asked me why, to which I responded I don't know. So I'll ask this time, why? What's the point of throwing up the roc? And what makes it any different from Doug Christie's hand signals to Jackie? They're both meaningless and insipid and worst of all, unoriginal. It makes the headbop look inspired.

Okay, back to the game. It was close there for a hot second. Carmelo sat out because of his heel. Amare continues to shoot 3's and discovers yet another way to piss Shaun Marion off. Tyson Chandler got some playing time. Despite being down 30, the entire Uruguayan bench stood up and cheered when one of their players pulled down a rebound over 3 USA players. Did I mention the guy was 5'9?

This was the closest game in that it was the longest Team USA had gone without the lead. Tomorrow's game vs Argentina should be even better.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Who's the Fairest of Them All?

50-point victories aside, you think the boys are having fun in Vegas?

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Air Kendall

I couldn't find video of Levon Kendall in Air Bud, so this will have to do for now. I'm still looking for video of pre-Nolan Horacio.

Canada vs Mexico!

Watch Horacio NOW! If you wait, more than likely he'll have already been taken out of the game, so watch now!

Update:

• Llamas just scored. The announcer mentioned he did this despite his "gravity problem."
• Levon Kendall is looking good. And he's playing well too.
• Kendall was a child actor???
• Yup, he has an IMDB page. He was in Air Bud as "Additional Basketball Player."
• Leo Rautins looks like he has a black eye. Not surprising. He's like the Mark Cuban of FIBA Americas. The officials must love him.
  

What's Stronger Than Oak?

Not me, not you, and not Charles Barkley.

Charley Oakley was on PTI yesterday looking fit and scaring the crap out of everybody. I will never question his physical ability again. His mental health, maybe, but his physical ability never.

Here are some of the highlights from his interview:

• "If somebody call me, I'm ready to go at any time."
• When Mike Wilbon referred to Charles Barkley's quote about old guys thinking about coming back - People forget why these guys retired in the first place is because they weren't good anymore. - the Oak got a gleam in his eye and responded with, "He talk more now, he ain't said nothing when he played the game...He couldn't come back, right now. He's about 450. When he see me, we'll talk about that personally me and him. When he hears this interview, he'll know. When I see him, he gonna go the other way."
• About what he can bring to a team: "I can bring a lot to a team. Just my presence. I didn't win a championship but I've been to the Finals. I've been around great players who played the game. (Cue video of him with Michael Jordan.) Great coaches. I can bring a lot of influence. And that's what a lot of teams need - detail. You know, like a car wash. Manicure." Then he said something about a flower bed. I think he was still talking about a car wash.
• "I can at least make 28 of the 30 teams."
• Then, Tony got to the real possible reason of Oak's sudden desire to come back - he's writing a book. When Tony asked if Oak's return was because of his book, Oak responded, "Mmm, it's gonna be my whole career. I'm missing a couple chapters. I think Barkley just took one. If I don't come back, I'm gonna finish the book soon."
• Back to Barkley, Oak said he'd give him a car wash, but won't clean out his car because of all the donut boxes in the back.
• Of Reggie Miller: "He's a pioneer to the game. He's a class act, but he dress like Pee Wee Herman." (Cue photo of Reggie in a skinny gray suit.)
• Finally, Tony and Mike asked Oak to assess his chances of actually playing in the NBA next season. Oak gave it a "6 or 7. You never know."

If Oak comes back, who do you think he would slap first? More so than Orlando, I think Dallas needs him. Finally, Avery would have a player as tough as he is. And we might finally see Mark Cuban get slapped, especially if he wears his Dancing with the Stars costume to a game. Yeah, we need Oak back in the League.

Watch Horacio!

Also watch for Levon Kendall of Canada, who is the spitting image of Tiago Splitter. Levon's so pretty I keep waiting for Billy King to draft him on the spot. Otherwise, Levon better run if Horacio gets hungry.





Update: Oops! Mexico vs Canada is not til Wednesday. Today (Tuesday), Mexico plays Brazil at 5:30pm on NBA TV. Canada is playing Argentina at 3pm on NBA TV and FSN. My bad. Here's the new post-it.

Photo Source: FIBA Americas

Round Two: Team USA vs Puerto Rico