Cojones*

Slam has a fantastic article by John Krolik on the rightful heir to Sam Cassell's testicle dance. (The only adjective I can think of to properly describe the dance is 'singular,' but somehow 'singular testicle dance' just sounds wrong...and misleading.) Thus far, only Kobe and Andre Iguodala have been brazen enough to show off their cojones (Andre in front of the one and only Sam I Am). Kobe broke out the dance again tonight after a late basket against the Jazz, but like the last time against the Spurs, Lakers lost. Last time, Roger Mason, Jr. answered back with a testicle dance of his own. This time, Mehmet Okur answered back with what can only be characterized as the Jonas version of Sam's dance. I'm trying to find a clip of it, but the only video of the game on YouTube cuts off before the end.

My vote is for Roger Mason, Jr. Sam had a swagger disproportionate to his position on the NBA totem pole. Roger Mason - 2nd rounder, journeyman - has the same outsized bravado.

Krolik dismisses Manu as a possible heir, saying:

I’m pretty sure Manu thinks the dance means “I have accumulated a lot of change and am unsure what to do with it, so for the moment there is much change in my pockets, which I find unwieldy.”

This can also describe Mehmet's dance. Check out the other potential heirs apparent here.

*Quick note to my very white friend, Jay. Cojones is not pronounced 'co-jones,' which is what I know you were saying in your head. It's Spanish and therefore pronounced 'co-ho-nez.'

Kobe Bryant, "Genus"

Spike Lee was interviewed after Kobe's 61 at MSG the other night and he said, "You don't have to be Albert Einstein...You can have genuses in sports, too." I rewound my DVR 5 times to make sure I heard it correctly. I did.

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Hey Big Spender

According to TMZ, Kobe dropped $21,000 at Blush, a new club at the Wynn, on Friday night. This wasn't a display of magnanimity, but rather a good old-fashioned pissing contest between Kobe and poker player Antonio Esfandiari. It all started when Esfandiari paid for two bottles of Cristal. What nerve! TMZ reports,

"Kobe wasn't about to be shown up by some puny little card player -- and kicked in for five bottles. Antonio, who's used to upping the ante, then switched his order to ten! Kobe ended the competition when he purchased an astounding 15 bottles -- and then left the club!"

No wonder Esfandiari is called The Magician. He magically made $35,000 disappear. It's moments like these that make me really appreciate Micky Arison. Despite his net worth being worth more than the salaries of all the players in the League combined, his flashiest adornment is his tan...and maybe the 2006 NBA Championship ring. Just goes to show that you can't buy taste.

Photo Source: TMZ

Happy 29th Birthday, Kobe

Happy Birthday, Kobe!

I suppose for 2 minutes even I can wish Kobe a happy birthday. Plus Coach K, I mean Krzyzewski, said so.

Sidenote: It may be time for Mike Redd to consider going the Donovan McNabb route. Bald is sexy! Unless you're a Hasselbeck, in which case, it's just deserved.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Summer Lovin'

We're about 10 hours away from the debut of Team Kobe USA. With the late start time and choice of channel, you'd think the NBA scheduled these games. I'm totally excited, but then again, I only saw like 7 basketball games all year so I'll take anything. I'm kind of worried though because I watched a lot of rugby and soccer while I was in France and there weren't a lot of commercial breaks in between. Actually, during the Super Bowl, France2 didn't know what to do with all the stoppages in play so while the American feed would go to commercial, the French feed would just stay on the empty field. Anyway, I watched the Bears-Colts game the other day and after the 20th commercial break (following Rex's umpteenth disaster) in the 1st quarter, I literally couldn't watch it anymore. It was too ADD. We'll see if I can sit through a game or if I'll have to start TiVo-ing everything.

Anyway, in honor of Team USA's inaugural game, here are some pictures from the summer. Go USA!

Andre Agassi with the Select Team. Sorry Kevin!

Kevin Durant with new coach, PJ Carlesimo.

Kobe, Amare, and Band Aid

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Kobe Clarifies Questions About Wife

Yes, she can read. At a 5th grade level no less!

Further dispelling rumors that he and Vanessa are headed for divorce, Kobe told Jimmy Kimmel their fights are actually about rape Harry Potter. She reads the books, he watches the movies, she then tries to spoil the movie. Would that I could be a fly on the wall during those discussions.

While Kobe was busy showing that he's a big nerd who names his dog Dumbledore (Mamba my ass! More like Dumbledork), Kimmel showed his complete lack of soccer knowledge. When Kobe said his favorite athlete was Ronaldinho, Kimmel first responded "who?" before asking if he was retired. Seriously, even Posh knows who Ronaldinho is. Then again, it might just have been the way Kobe said it. He tried the whole I-can-speak-a-foreign-language accent. Whatever, Madonna. You can watch it here. Meanwhile, Kimmel-ites can watch the one and only Ronaldinho here.

KG Trade Aftermath: Another Reason to Hate Kobe

A lot of people thought/hoped that KG would land in LA. After all, that's where he has a summer home and that's where his mentor and brother-in-law, Jimmy Jam, also moved.

Here's what KG said when asked about why he agreed to go to Boston:

"There was no way I was going to be able to go to some other organization, franchise and have this caliber of talent. There was no way I was going to be able to duplicate that anywhere else.

I really felt like this was my only scenario, to be honest with you. No one wants to be in a situation that you can't be successful. I've been losing the last, what, 4 years. I mean I take that home.

Trying to find the best scenario for myself, my family, basketball-wise, this came out to be the best scenario. I do have a place in LA. LA's LA. Knowing that Kobe situation is up in the air..."

So once again, Kobe, your churlishness has cost yourself and your team. Team Smush!

Manners, Highlights Style

Gallant vs. Goofus

What's different about these pictures?

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images