David Stern's Asian Strategy, The Sonics, and Me

Just when I think I've temporarily shelved my passport, I'm leaving the country again...in 2 days...and I found out 6 days ago. Long story, but basically my old boss (who's a cross between Miranda Priestly and Miss Hannigan) called me up from Asia and begged me to come work immediately for a month or so. (This is why you shouldn't keep the same cell phone number!!) Anyway, since I'd already planned to go to Pennsylvania to campaign and visit friends, I was thinking of how to gently let her down when she started crying. Now when people cry, I have one of two reactions:

1. Complete and utter disgust, most recently exemplified by the 4 pussies on The Biggest Loser who bawled like their mothers just died when one of them got sent home...not to some Siberian prison never to be seen or heard from again...home. Ugh. This is why I can't watch reality shows. OR
2. I feel so badly that I will do anything for that person. Example: KG after his interview with John Thompson. Glen Taylor, you are an asshole.

So before I knew it, I was agreeing to fly 13 hours and 6,000 miles away, which means I'll miss the Pennsylvania primary and the perfect opportunity to wear my new Marc Jacobs Hillary shirt. (Get one or six today for $35 each at Marc Jacobs.) And for the 3rd year in a row, I'll miss the end of the craziest NBA season and the beginning of playoffs. So what does that have to do with David Stern's Asian strategy and the Sonics?

In his Time interview, Stern said that the Sonics potentially leaving the diversity of Seattle for the (expletive deleted because I think it's unfair to characterize all Oklahomans by the actions of one Clay Bennett) confines of Oklahoma City wouldn't affect the NBA's efforts in the Asian market because "our Asian philosophy is more about being there. We have offices in Tokyo, Hong Kong, Shanghai and Beijing." Well, if "being there" is how to make inroads into Asia, I plan on making a lot of inroads, or at the very least a lot of noise, on behalf of the tireless Sonics fans who deserve a hell of a lot more than what they're getting. I just can't believe that more people aren't outraged. And the thousands upon thousands who are are totally being dismissed by the Commissioner. As Bill Simmons wrote,

"There is only one side. An NBA team is getting hijacked and there's no way of sugarcoating it, defending it or justifying it. Again, if it happens to the Sonics, it could happen to your team. That's why you should care."

I feel like if there was a groundswell of support from LA or New York or the Bay Area, there would be more media attention paid to Seattle which would in turn attract the attention of the casual fan. (Imagine if everyone inside Staples Center held up signs in support of the Sonics? The catch-22 is, of course, that the majority of people who sit close enough to be seen on camera at Staples are casual fans and thus unlikely to do anything of the sort unless it was already a cause celebre.) Why does it seem like all really important decisions, like the fate of the country or the fate of a franchise, come down to casual observers and undecideds? (Seriously, there have been how many debates and you still can't make up your fucking mind????) But the powers-that-be in all fields seem to give disproportionate power and influence to this group and then make nonsensical decisions based on them. Nevertheless, I'll try to do my part in helping people see the light in this situation. Now if only Marc Jacobs would make a shirt...

NBA Political Contributions

There's a fun little thing on Huffington Post that allows you to see who's giving what to whom. It lets you track donations by either name or address. I thought I'd try some NBA names and see who popped up. So far, Barack Obama is leading the race in the NBA. Here are the results:

Execs:
David Stern (Ruler): $4600 to Hillary Clinton
Billy King (Sixers): $4600 to Barack Obama
Jerry Colangelo (Suns): $2300 to John McCain
Robert Sarver (Suns): $2100 to McCain
Wyc Grousbeck (Celtics): $4600 to Barack and $2300 to Mitt Romney
Danny Ainge (Celtics): $2300 to Romney
James Dolan (Knicks): $2300 to Hillary
Magic Johnson: $2300 to Barack

Players:
Stephon Marbury: $2300 to Barack
Baron Davis: $2300 to Barack
Grant Hill: $2300 to Barack

Others:
Ahmad Rashad: $2300 to Barack
Arn Tellem (Agent): $2300 to Barack

A lot of the "superstars" - Kobe, Lebron, Dwyane, KG, AI, Tracy - haven't given anything. I wasn't surprised by that, but I thought I'd at least see Adonal "Democracy Matters" Foyle or Charles Barkley on the list. I was surprised to see Steph on there. Perhaps I've underestimated him.

There were 4 listings for Michael Jordan - 3 that couldn't be him and 1 that might. The one that might is retired from Washington DC and gave $2100 to Barack.

Anyway, try it out. It's kind of stalkerish in that it lists the address of the donor, too. So whether you're interested in politics or stalking, here's the tool for you.

Hey Peta, China: Calm the Fuck Down!

Hey Roger Goodell, David Stern: Grow a pair!!

In the media maelstrom following Michael Vick's dog fighting indictment, I'm sure everyone from sponsors to executives to his momma have proffered their advice to the NFL commissioner. While he should take most of them under advisement, one opinion that shouldn't really figure into his decision is Peta's. Seriously, why is everyone stressing about what Peta has to say or what Peta is going to do?? Why is Trey Wingo on ESPN discussing Peta's reaction? Who the fuck cares, especially a network whose existence was, I'm sure, unknown to Peta before they started getting some press. Why is ESPN and the mainstream media legitimizing a protest by a group that is usually preoccupied with terrorizing the wardrobes of 100-pound women? Yes, animal rights are important and dogs shouldn't be abused for sport, but we can figure this out without Peta's input. So can the NFL and Arthur Blank and everyone else not in Michael Vick's entourage. Allegedly.

The NFL and the Falcons organization should take a page from Jean Paul Gaultier's playbook. When Peta protesters stormed the stage and tried to upstage his fashion show, Gaultier had security cover them with fur coats before taking them offstage. Genius. Now let's see if Roger Goodell has enough ingenuity and courage to take on a rabid non-fan base as a 55-year-old gay designer.

Similarly, David Stern needs to take a stand against another fascist group: China. Especially in light of Tim Donaghy's Jose Canseco-like effort to take down the NBA, David Stern needs to re-establish who really runs his league. Is he really going to allow Chinese officials to dictate where a just drafted player plays?? Only Kobe does that! The Commish should just tell China and Yi Jianlian to fuck off. Who needs whom more? The NBA will survive just fine without Yi. Yi, on the other hand, will become a forgotten footnote - a poor forgotten footnote - without the NBA and the millions and millions it has to offer.

So come on, men. Step up. Oh and let 'Sheed finish what he started.