Cojones*

Slam has a fantastic article by John Krolik on the rightful heir to Sam Cassell's testicle dance. (The only adjective I can think of to properly describe the dance is 'singular,' but somehow 'singular testicle dance' just sounds wrong...and misleading.) Thus far, only Kobe and Andre Iguodala have been brazen enough to show off their cojones (Andre in front of the one and only Sam I Am). Kobe broke out the dance again tonight after a late basket against the Jazz, but like the last time against the Spurs, Lakers lost. Last time, Roger Mason, Jr. answered back with a testicle dance of his own. This time, Mehmet Okur answered back with what can only be characterized as the Jonas version of Sam's dance. I'm trying to find a clip of it, but the only video of the game on YouTube cuts off before the end.

My vote is for Roger Mason, Jr. Sam had a swagger disproportionate to his position on the NBA totem pole. Roger Mason - 2nd rounder, journeyman - has the same outsized bravado.

Krolik dismisses Manu as a possible heir, saying:

I’m pretty sure Manu thinks the dance means “I have accumulated a lot of change and am unsure what to do with it, so for the moment there is much change in my pockets, which I find unwieldy.”

This can also describe Mehmet's dance. Check out the other potential heirs apparent here.

*Quick note to my very white friend, Jay. Cojones is not pronounced 'co-jones,' which is what I know you were saying in your head. It's Spanish and therefore pronounced 'co-ho-nez.'

Kobe Bryant, "Genus"

Spike Lee was interviewed after Kobe's 61 at MSG the other night and he said, "You don't have to be Albert Einstein...You can have genuses in sports, too." I rewound my DVR 5 times to make sure I heard it correctly. I did.

Rafael Nadal Won't Let Me Sleep

I was all set to go to bed at 2am, a very reasonable hour for me, and then I made the mistake on turning on ESPN2. I was just going to check the score at the Australian Open, assuming Nadal would be taking care of business as usual, but no. He was losing to someone I've never even heard of before, something Verdasco. Now TWO hours later (they've been playing for over 3), they're tied with a set each playing a tiebreak for the 3rd set. And of course now I'm totally riveted and can't stop watching which means I'll have insomnia for the next 3 days. All this for someone who wears capri pants. And he's not even playing Federer!

Update: Rafa just won the tiebreak. He's up 2 sets to 1. I'm going to bed. Good night.

Update #2: Fuck me I'm totally not going to sleep tonight. Do I even like tennis that much? Actually, I love the rivalry between Federer and Nadal. C'mon Verdasco...pull a Djokovic and retire so I can get some sleep!!

Update #3: Verdasco's name is Fernando and he kind of looks like Cristiano Ronaldo. Actually, he's more a mix of Ronaldo and Matt Leinart. Weird. To top it off, he's wearing a puke green shirt. Whatever, Michelle Obama. And now he's up in the 4th. Kill me.

Update #4: Holy hell. It's now 5am and if Leinardo wins this tiebreak, they're going to a 5th set! They've been playing for 4 hours and 13 minutes and Rafa still looks like he could run a marathon afterward. Nope, spoke too soon. He's down 0-3 in the tiebreak. C'mon Rafa! Despite Verdasco's effort, now that I get the Matt Leinart vibe from him, I can't cheer for him in the slightest. Sorry, Cardinal fans but I don't think you're cheering for him either at this point. Fuckity fuck Verdasco's one point away from a 5th set.

Update #5: 5th set. Why. Why did I have to turn on ESPN2.

Update #6: So I decided to Google Fernando Verdasco to find out more about the man keeping me up and...gross. This just goes to show: ladies, whenever you get the Matt Leinart vibe from a guy, trust your instincts and run the other way!

Update #7: Both Nadal and Verdasco are left-handed. I've always wanted to be a leftie.

Update #8: Goddamn! The men's final is Saturday night-Sunday morning before the Super Bowl. Basically, I won't sleep til Monday.

Update #9: 2-2.

Update #10: Have you ever tried Nocilla? It's the Spanish version of Nutella but they have a white chocolate version too. It's amazing. I would totally trade Pau Gasol for one jar of Nocilla Duo. Wait a sec. (Lightbulb going off.) Maybe that's what the Lakers really gave Chris Wallace for Pau.

Update #11: 3-3. Match nearing 5 hours.

Update #12: Possible break point for Nadal. C'mon Rafa!!! And.....of course not because this game will last forever. Another chance for break point. Nope. Game Verdasco. 4-4. Kill meeeeeee.

Update #13: Triple match point for Nadal. Don't believe it. Yup, Verdasco pulled it out. Double match point for Nadal. Nope. Match point. What the hell...the match just ended on a double fault. Are you kidding me??????? 5+ hours and the match ends on a double fault at 6:10am. I hate my life. Good night morning.

Tonight's Lineup

I purposely delayed my flight another day so I could watch tonight's match ups. (Well, that and the fact that I'm not emotionally prepared to leave my dog. My cousin's like, "I don't even know who you are anymore.") Boston has the chance to sweep the 3 Texas teams for the first time since '01 and I fully expect them to do so because KG is going to be a beast tonight after being called out for tanking. Tanking...for missing the last 5 games of the season after toiling essentially alone for the last 12 years for Minny. I have the same thing to say to Glen Taylor as Faith Hill said to the ho bag who grabbed her husband's balls: "You gotta learn some class, my friend." He could take some lessons from Micky Arison. I don't know much about Micky Arison personally, but the way he handled the Shaq trade spoke volumes about his character. If Boston goes up by 25 early on, we may even see a smackdown between Mark Cuban and Avery Johnson. My money's on Avery. You know he's still scrappy as ever.

Update: Mark Cuban is MIA. Official excuse - "family commitment." What it really means - he has a responsibility to his family not to get beat down on national TV by an employee.

CruelLA Fans

We get it. Kwame Brown sucks. I'm sure he gets it, too. So is it really necessary to boo him EVERY single time he touches the ball, which is what Laker fans did throughout the 3rd quarter of the Suns-Lakers game? I understand why Knicks fans boo Isiah - he could use a little a lot of humbling and a massive reality check. Sadly, the only check he's getting is a massive paycheck because James Dolan is as delusional as he is. Isiah probably feeds off the negativity because it reminds him of his Detroit Bad Boy days and thus further inflates his ego.

Kwame, on the other hand, didn't Michael Jordan take whatever pride he had left? Whatever MJ didn't destroy, his old buddy Phil already took care of. Does Kwame really need to be further humiliated and mercilessly taunted by his home crowd in front of a national audience? Who knows - Kwame may still pull an Eli and have his breakthrough season. Okay, I'm totally reaching, but c'mon, LA. Do you really want to be known as the Giants fans of the West?

Stick to the cruel but funny stuff. For example, whoever called Leandro Barbosa in his hotel room and told him he was traded to the Knicks???? This person was so believable that Leandro ended up in tears at Dan D'Antoni's door asking why the Suns would trade him away. Soooooooo mean! But hilarious. And a lesson for all NBA players - never use your real name when you're on the road. Poor sweet, innocent Leandro. According to Ron Mexico, your new alias is Philippe Poland.

Photo Source: AP Photo

KG Trade Aftermath: Another Reason to Hate Kobe

A lot of people thought/hoped that KG would land in LA. After all, that's where he has a summer home and that's where his mentor and brother-in-law, Jimmy Jam, also moved.

Here's what KG said when asked about why he agreed to go to Boston:

"There was no way I was going to be able to go to some other organization, franchise and have this caliber of talent. There was no way I was going to be able to duplicate that anywhere else.

I really felt like this was my only scenario, to be honest with you. No one wants to be in a situation that you can't be successful. I've been losing the last, what, 4 years. I mean I take that home.

Trying to find the best scenario for myself, my family, basketball-wise, this came out to be the best scenario. I do have a place in LA. LA's LA. Knowing that Kobe situation is up in the air..."

So once again, Kobe, your churlishness has cost yourself and your team. Team Smush!