Ode to Photoshop Eva

Oh Eva, Eva. Your beauty is as wondrous as the computer it was created on. As flawless as the graphic designer who toiled to make it just so. Some people look at you and see perfection, but Tony looks at you and sees dark circles and malnutrition.

I recently catalogued my magazine collection and I have over 200 back issues of Vogue, W, and Vanity Fair. (For those of you who don't know me, that's only the tip of the crazy meter. They are all in perfect or near-perfect condition.) I love the pictures, clothes, articles, everything. However, I am well aware of the power of those images to fuck a girl up, especially if she starts thinking those images are real. Well, they're not. Even with the best makeup artists, photographers, lighting, etc, Eva Longoria's never going to look like Eva Longoria without Photoshop. So, girls. Don't feel bad about yourselves when you can make those getting paid a shitload of money to feel bad about themselves. Hello! They can afford the therapy. And guys, always make sure you know what a girl looks like in the morning. And love her all the more.

Addendum: My friend's mom told me that guys also better look at a girl's childhood pictures because you never know who's had what done! LOL. Mama knows best!!

Photo Source: iWANEX Studio (there's more where that came from) via Dlisted

Joakim Noah: Officially French

Joakim became a citizen on Thursday, thus allowing him to join Tony, Boris, and Ronny on the French national team.

When I saw this video, my initial reaction was, "Oh my God, Joakim hurt his ankle!" But then I realized he was just dancing. Cool ou pas cool?

Photo Source: ESPN, German Ventriglia

Le Wedding Guests

Baron Davis: Poor B. Diddy, can't get any love. There isn't one picture of him that isn't obscured by Jessica Alba. On the other hand, maybe he is getting some love....???

Boris Diaw: Best man. Snazzy dresser. Kinda have a crush on him after reading :07 Seconds or Less.

Ronny Turiaf: At first, thought he was selling Red Stripe. My bad. I've been out of the country too long. Je t'adore, Ronny!

Thierry Henry: Adorable. Or as they say in Spanish, adorable!

Tony Parker, Sr: He just never seems happy. I've yet to see him smile.

Pop: A cultivated man without any of the bullshit. What can I say, I love him. Hmm, I wonder if that's his wife or daughter.

Who Says Money Can't Buy Happiness?

The official wedding photos have been released. Now we'll be able to see if The Wedding of the Year lived up to the hype and $2 million price tag.


You know it's all about the dress though. Let's see if Angel Sanchez can do for Eva what Narciso Rodriguez did for Carolyn Bessette Kennedy. (For you boys, Narciso Rodriguez basically created THE iconic wedding dress of the '90s, which was subsequently copied by thousands of women.)



I'm also interested to see if OK! magazine will do for Eva and Tony what it did for Posh and Becks, who also had their wedding featured in OK! If ever there was a more self-aggrandizing, sybaritic couple than Posh and Becks, it would be Mme and M. Parker. Let's see if LA is big enough for the 4 of them, starting with the battle of the dueling magazine covers.

As much as I hate to buy into the hype, I already have a subscription to W and my insane curiosity about Le Wedding will most definitely overcome my distaste for pimping your wedding for money and publicity when you're already rich and famous. Ah well. I will now sell my soul to the devil. I just hope the pictures are pretty.


Photo Source: OK! Magazine, People, Just Jared, W Magazine

Le Wedding Pictures

Day One of the festivities officially began yesterday with a civil ceremony at the Hotel de Ville of the 4th arrondissement. It's a gorgeous building in my favorite shopping area in Paris, the Marais. This leads me to the subject of fashion, namely Eva's.

Eva's usually hit-or-miss with her fashion choices, so I love that she left herself in the very capable hands of Karl Lagerfeld and gave in to the restorative power of Chanel. She looks fantastic in those dresses.

One thing, though.

Why on earth would you wear CFMs on your wedding day??? I know Earl Boykins feels like Yao next to her and all, but still...it's your wedding day one of your wedding days! Silver and red stilettos in the day...even in Paris...in the gay district...it's just not...oh hell. She's marrying the reigning NBA Finals MVP in PARIS with the whole world watching. And paying her $2 million for the rights. She can do whatever the hell she wants.

Now, about those bangs...

You can take the girl out of Texas...

Just kidding. She looks fabulous. Tony looks like the second coming of Maurice Chevalier. What can I say but eat your heart out, Posh. Or just eat.

Photo Source: Splash