The Second Coming

Congratulations to Lebron and his girlfriend on the birth of their second son, Bryce Maximus James!

His older brother is absolutely adorable and I have no doubt the lil' one will follow suit. I can't wait til we see Lebron, Jr. and Bryce vs. Zaire and Zion Wade.

The Unchosen One

More Boobie, please!!!

I'm not even a Cavs fan, but as a basketball fan, I'd like to see a more competitive, higher energy series, i.e., Boobie!!! I can't believe ratings for Game 1 are down 19% from last year! This is Lebron's first Finals! The 30% decline for Game 2 is understandable considering the Sopranos factor, but still... Maybe Lebron just needs more commercials. (I know it's been awhile since I've blogged, but I hope you know me well enough to detect the sarcasm.)

I'm going to Disneyland!!

And I didn't even win the Super Bowl. But seriously, Disneyland Paris, Super Bowl, and a bar in France showing the American feed of the game...best weekend ever!

By the way, if you ever want a lesson in futility, try explaining Super Bowl Sunday and buffalo wings to the French. Oh la la.

For all three NFL fans in France, the game is on France 2 (A regular channel! Yay!) at midnight.

My favorite commercial from last year:

Bonjour from France

By the way, did I mention I moved to France a couple months ago? Hence, the lack of posts as France is not as basketball mad as Tony Parker's publicist leads us to believe. It also doesn't help that I live in the tiniest of towns and I only recently found a cafe offering WiFi. But, as the picture can attest to, it's absolutely lovely.

I haven't forgotten you!!! I just moved to 3 different countries on 3 different continents in less than a year so things have been a little hectic. However, I'm staying put in France for the next couple of months so I should be posting a bit more frequently. A word of warning though - most of my posts will probably be bitter rants about all the games I'm missing, starting with Carmelo and AI's debut together and the Saints-Bears, Pats-Colts games this weekend. I'm dying. It doesn't help that 99.9% of the Americans I've met in France have no interest in sports, didn't know who Carmelo Anthony was, didn't know why I was referring to Isiah Thomas as le grand asshole, etc etc. Anyway, that's enough for today. I'm still recovering from watching 24. Curtis!!! Okay, I'm going to cry in my cafe au lait now.

Palmer for President!!!

I just watched the first 4 episodes of 24 and all I can say is get a Palmer in the White House. At this point, I don't care if it's Violet Palmer -- we need a Palmer in the White House!!!

S.O.S.

So this time, I actually have a legitimate reason for not posting in ages and I'm actually going to tell you what that reason is. I know, shocking.

Without getting all tied up with semantics, basically, I was sent/sold by my mother to teach English in Asia a few months ago. I think the idea popped into her head after the Steelers-Colts game...or rather when I actually got to watch the game hours later. See, I had work that day and spent the day chaperoning a bunch of ankle-biters at Magic Mountain. In order not to spoil the game, I did a complete media blackout - you know the basic stuff: refusing to let anyone turn on the radio, not answering or even looking at my cellphone lest that random, gut-wrenching, friendship-ending text message with the score come my way, etc. When I did finally get to watch the game and Jerome's fumble and near death sentence, needless to say screaming/jumping/hysteria ensued, followed shortly thereafter by Mom's unpleasant awakening to the sounds of madness. So off I went to Asia. I came, however, with the strictest assurances from my boss that NBA games are undoubtedly shown here and I wouldn't miss a minute of the playoffs.

NOPE!

LIARS!!!

Let's see, the playoffs which have been hailed as the most exciting in years, and I missed:

1. Lebron's debut - no f-ing WITNESSes here
2. Almost all of the Suns-Lakers series, except for one game which was a blowout, and sadly that game wasn't even Game 7
3. The Clippers entree into respectability...and the Dunleavy-led march back out
4. MAVS-SPURS!!!! I saw Game 2 and Game 6. That's it. You know what they showed here instead of Game 7?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Cows fighting. I shit you not. I literally died a little inside that day.

The list just goes on and on, but it's too painful to quantify.

Wait til you see the technological wonder I get to watch my 1 or 2 measly little games on. You know the phrase "Get the hell out of dodge!"

Welcome to dodge.

Or is it hell?

You didn't even get to see the best part! There's nothing like orange fringing and blurred edges to give you that at-the-game feeling.

Not 3rd World my ass!! The night I left, one of my girlfriends came over and offered to help me pack. Well, Miss Thang made me take out half my stuff telling me, and I quote, "You're not going to the 3rd World!!" I think this little relic proves otherwise. Oh, and the laptop I was given to use runs on Windows ME. What could be more archaic than that?

Interestingly though, I'm honestly having a pretty good time. I'm just bitter and enraged because I missed the second half of Suns-Mavs Game 2 because I had class during that time and the kid didn't even show up until well after the game ended. And the person I asked to tape the game only taped the first 2 hours. Needless to say, the kid felt the wrath of God that day. I'm sure it won't be the last time either. :)

One thing I can report without equivocation is that ESPN Gamecast sucks. There was such a lag during Mavs-Spurs Game 7 that I had to rely on my cousin, J, for play by play. Here's a brief transcript taken directly from our IM:

J: Dan Pierre just scored.
Me: Dan Pierre?!?! You're killing me, Smalls. You mean Erick Dampier?
J: Yeah whatever. You know I don't care now that the Lakers are out.
Me: I'd be laughing if I wasn't already crying inside.

So yes, these are the days of my life. The good news though is that my sentence is almost up...a week and half left, baby! I'll be home maybe for Game 2 of the Finals and definitely for Game 3. This is barring any further tests of fortitude God and my Mother seek to inflict on me. More to come later. I haven't blogged in awhile so I need to pace myself. But yes, I'm alive! Let's see if the Pistons are now.

Merry Christmas

Mike Luckovich, Genius.

Happy Holidays, everyone.* Keeping with the spirit of the NBA (Shaq vs. Kobe! Kobe vs. Shaq! Kobe said this! Shaq said that!), I plan on feuding with as many people as possible without any actual direct verbal or physical interchange. Translation: I'm gonna scratch and claw on paper like a reject from Mean Girls. 'Tis the season.

As to my prolonged absence from blogging, I'll explain that in more detail later. But thanks for continuing to check up on the site. Actually, I had more visitors when I wasn't writing a thing. I'll choose to ignore that implicit message...bastards. Anyway, it makes me feel a bit like Judi Dench circa 1999 so all is forgiven.

Merry Christmas!!
Love, Courtside

*Note to reader: I can't in good conscience ever ever use the colloquialism "y'all." Too many painful memories of my first - and last - visit to the state of Texas. Except of course if someone wants to gift me with tickets to the All Star game. Floor seats only please. :)

Season's Greetings

Yeeeeeeah!!

-T minus 1 hour til tip-off-

Charles vs. Kenny
Nuggets vs. Spurs
Mavs vs. Suns

I know everyone's been talking about the dress code with an eye on AI as the first dress code violator. I'm leaning more towards Timmy or Steve Nash. Imagine, the two most docile, least likely to rock the boat David Stern posterboys suddenly becoming rebels with a cause -- Timmy starts wearing more bling than Mr. T and Nash starts rocking a wave cap to hold back his ever-growing hair. Can't wait, baby!!

Yay Yuta!

The Clippers signed the Japanese Earl Boykins, aka Yuta Tabuse. This should be fun. Have you seen the clip from "Year of the Yao" where Cuttino Mobley tries to explain soul food to Yao? It'll be interesting to see what pearls of wisdom Cat passes along to Yuta this season. C'mon NBA TV, follow the Year of the Yuta! With Yuta, Cuttino, Sam 'The Mouth' Cassell, and the two crazy Chrises - Kaman and Wilcox - you're talking ratings gold here!

Bravo

Sir Charles got last night's Hurricane Relief Game rolling by declaring, "We can go a day without 10 episodes of Law and Order." Major props to the NBA, TNT, Kenny Smith and everyone involved for doing a hell of a lot more than the people already profiting from Katrina. In addition to the game last night, players and teams have been helping out all week long.

Avery worked the reporters...

while Jeff van Gundy worked the crowd with his bright red hat.

You gotta love Amare's shirt.

Notice the kid's nervous smile. It's nice seeing Ron Ron back in action, but I'd be a little anxious too with his hands that close to my neck.

Charles's best line of the night, on why the Hornets should play in Atlanta: "If they combine the Hornets' fans with the Atlanta fans, maybe they'll get a full crowd one night." Doesn't matter what the situation is, you can always count on the Chuckster to be the Chuckster.

Grant Hill just being Grant Hill.

Good job, boys.
S.O.S.