S.O.S.

So this time, I actually have a legitimate reason for not posting in ages and I'm actually going to tell you what that reason is. I know, shocking.

Without getting all tied up with semantics, basically, I was sent/sold by my mother to teach English in Asia a few months ago. I think the idea popped into her head after the Steelers-Colts game...or rather when I actually got to watch the game hours later. See, I had work that day and spent the day chaperoning a bunch of ankle-biters at Magic Mountain. In order not to spoil the game, I did a complete media blackout - you know the basic stuff: refusing to let anyone turn on the radio, not answering or even looking at my cellphone lest that random, gut-wrenching, friendship-ending text message with the score come my way, etc. When I did finally get to watch the game and Jerome's fumble and near death sentence, needless to say screaming/jumping/hysteria ensued, followed shortly thereafter by Mom's unpleasant awakening to the sounds of madness. So off I went to Asia. I came, however, with the strictest assurances from my boss that NBA games are undoubtedly shown here and I wouldn't miss a minute of the playoffs.

NOPE!

LIARS!!!

Let's see, the playoffs which have been hailed as the most exciting in years, and I missed:

1. Lebron's debut - no f-ing WITNESSes here
2. Almost all of the Suns-Lakers series, except for one game which was a blowout, and sadly that game wasn't even Game 7
3. The Clippers entree into respectability...and the Dunleavy-led march back out
4. MAVS-SPURS!!!! I saw Game 2 and Game 6. That's it. You know what they showed here instead of Game 7?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Cows fighting. I shit you not. I literally died a little inside that day.

The list just goes on and on, but it's too painful to quantify.

Wait til you see the technological wonder I get to watch my 1 or 2 measly little games on. You know the phrase "Get the hell out of dodge!"

Welcome to dodge.

Or is it hell?

You didn't even get to see the best part! There's nothing like orange fringing and blurred edges to give you that at-the-game feeling.

Not 3rd World my ass!! The night I left, one of my girlfriends came over and offered to help me pack. Well, Miss Thang made me take out half my stuff telling me, and I quote, "You're not going to the 3rd World!!" I think this little relic proves otherwise. Oh, and the laptop I was given to use runs on Windows ME. What could be more archaic than that?

Interestingly though, I'm honestly having a pretty good time. I'm just bitter and enraged because I missed the second half of Suns-Mavs Game 2 because I had class during that time and the kid didn't even show up until well after the game ended. And the person I asked to tape the game only taped the first 2 hours. Needless to say, the kid felt the wrath of God that day. I'm sure it won't be the last time either. :)

One thing I can report without equivocation is that ESPN Gamecast sucks. There was such a lag during Mavs-Spurs Game 7 that I had to rely on my cousin, J, for play by play. Here's a brief transcript taken directly from our IM:

J: Dan Pierre just scored.
Me: Dan Pierre?!?! You're killing me, Smalls. You mean Erick Dampier?
J: Yeah whatever. You know I don't care now that the Lakers are out.
Me: I'd be laughing if I wasn't already crying inside.

So yes, these are the days of my life. The good news though is that my sentence is almost up...a week and half left, baby! I'll be home maybe for Game 2 of the Finals and definitely for Game 3. This is barring any further tests of fortitude God and my Mother seek to inflict on me. More to come later. I haven't blogged in awhile so I need to pace myself. But yes, I'm alive! Let's see if the Pistons are now.