F.U.G.T.

I'm watching the Celtics-Mavs game right now (Dallas up by 5), and the more they bring up what Glen Taylor said about KG, the angrier I'm getting. It's just such an unwarranted, undeserved, blatantly cheap shot that goes against everything KG stands for, that even the most casual observer of basketball would unequivocally know to be untrue after watching KG play for a minute. Way to stab your franchise player for 12 years in the back...or rather the heart he wears on his sleeve. Since KG won't say it, I will: Fuck you, Glen Taylor.

Tonight's Lineup

I purposely delayed my flight another day so I could watch tonight's match ups. (Well, that and the fact that I'm not emotionally prepared to leave my dog. My cousin's like, "I don't even know who you are anymore.") Boston has the chance to sweep the 3 Texas teams for the first time since '01 and I fully expect them to do so because KG is going to be a beast tonight after being called out for tanking. Tanking...for missing the last 5 games of the season after toiling essentially alone for the last 12 years for Minny. I have the same thing to say to Glen Taylor as Faith Hill said to the ho bag who grabbed her husband's balls: "You gotta learn some class, my friend." He could take some lessons from Micky Arison. I don't know much about Micky Arison personally, but the way he handled the Shaq trade spoke volumes about his character. If Boston goes up by 25 early on, we may even see a smackdown between Mark Cuban and Avery Johnson. My money's on Avery. You know he's still scrappy as ever.

Update: Mark Cuban is MIA. Official excuse - "family commitment." What it really means - he has a responsibility to his family not to get beat down on national TV by an employee.

Rondo vs. Alston, or "Two Guys Who Can't Fight Staring at Each Other"

Or so says Charles Barkley. I missed the Celtics-Rockets game on Tuesday night, but luckily, my DVR caught Inside the NBA and Charles's take on the non-altercation between Rajon Rondo and Rafer Alston.

Is there a more influential, iconic athlete in our generation than Charles Barkley? He played with The Greatest Ever and retired 8 years ago, and yet his name still pops up in regular conversation. I caught an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians the other day (I'm embarrassed to say), and Bruce Jenner brought up the Chuckster's infamous "I am not a role model" quote to teach Kim a lesson. No, not on how to not act like a slut, but how not to act like a diva because that would negatively influence her younger sisters. I also read an article in SI on pigeon racing awhile back and the author describes pigeons as "the Charles Barkleys of the natural world: unassuming and bottom-heavy yet surprisingly athletic."

I'd rank Charles ahead of MJ, Tiger Woods, and Brett Favre on a scale of influence because while the latter 3 are icons in their respective fields, Charles's influence reaches well beyond the scope of his sport, due in part to his willingness (and the reticence of the other three) to state opinions on divisive matters. Charles has taken on the Church, homophobia, Democrats, Republicans, racists, feminists, Warriors fans, Suns fans. What a breath of fresh air (sometimes hot air) in a "No comment" era. At the end of the day, we know where he stands and I think people respect that more, even if they don't necessarily agree with his stance. Who knows. I may be wrong, but I doubt it. :)

David Stern's Asian Strategy, The Sonics, and Me

Just when I think I've temporarily shelved my passport, I'm leaving the country again...in 2 days...and I found out 6 days ago. Long story, but basically my old boss (who's a cross between Miranda Priestly and Miss Hannigan) called me up from Asia and begged me to come work immediately for a month or so. (This is why you shouldn't keep the same cell phone number!!) Anyway, since I'd already planned to go to Pennsylvania to campaign and visit friends, I was thinking of how to gently let her down when she started crying. Now when people cry, I have one of two reactions:

1. Complete and utter disgust, most recently exemplified by the 4 pussies on The Biggest Loser who bawled like their mothers just died when one of them got sent home...not to some Siberian prison never to be seen or heard from again...home. Ugh. This is why I can't watch reality shows. OR
2. I feel so badly that I will do anything for that person. Example: KG after his interview with John Thompson. Glen Taylor, you are an asshole.

So before I knew it, I was agreeing to fly 13 hours and 6,000 miles away, which means I'll miss the Pennsylvania primary and the perfect opportunity to wear my new Marc Jacobs Hillary shirt. (Get one or six today for $35 each at Marc Jacobs.) And for the 3rd year in a row, I'll miss the end of the craziest NBA season and the beginning of playoffs. So what does that have to do with David Stern's Asian strategy and the Sonics?

In his Time interview, Stern said that the Sonics potentially leaving the diversity of Seattle for the (expletive deleted because I think it's unfair to characterize all Oklahomans by the actions of one Clay Bennett) confines of Oklahoma City wouldn't affect the NBA's efforts in the Asian market because "our Asian philosophy is more about being there. We have offices in Tokyo, Hong Kong, Shanghai and Beijing." Well, if "being there" is how to make inroads into Asia, I plan on making a lot of inroads, or at the very least a lot of noise, on behalf of the tireless Sonics fans who deserve a hell of a lot more than what they're getting. I just can't believe that more people aren't outraged. And the thousands upon thousands who are are totally being dismissed by the Commissioner. As Bill Simmons wrote,

"There is only one side. An NBA team is getting hijacked and there's no way of sugarcoating it, defending it or justifying it. Again, if it happens to the Sonics, it could happen to your team. That's why you should care."

I feel like if there was a groundswell of support from LA or New York or the Bay Area, there would be more media attention paid to Seattle which would in turn attract the attention of the casual fan. (Imagine if everyone inside Staples Center held up signs in support of the Sonics? The catch-22 is, of course, that the majority of people who sit close enough to be seen on camera at Staples are casual fans and thus unlikely to do anything of the sort unless it was already a cause celebre.) Why does it seem like all really important decisions, like the fate of the country or the fate of a franchise, come down to casual observers and undecideds? (Seriously, there have been how many debates and you still can't make up your fucking mind????) But the powers-that-be in all fields seem to give disproportionate power and influence to this group and then make nonsensical decisions based on them. Nevertheless, I'll try to do my part in helping people see the light in this situation. Now if only Marc Jacobs would make a shirt...

Bitch is the New Black!

TMI Gilbert!

Sharing is caring, except when it's gross and f-ing nasty.

From Page Six:

Wizards' Gilbert Arenas knows what real pain is. "When I was new in the NBA, the team veterans convinced me to shave, you know, down there," the outspoken point guard tells next month's Men's Journal. "I used my girlfriend's razor, which was rusty and gave me keloids. The doctor prescribed medicine to dab on, but I just poured it all over. Three days later I woke up screaming. The skin was burnt off . . . just raw flesh. I used a numbing spray for a month until it healed."

So is that what you guys talk about when girls aren't around??

Source: NY Post

Had some connectivity and broken laptop screen issues over the weekend. Sorry if the dates of some posts are screwy.

Who's Bigger: Shaq or Hannah Montana?

It makes me sad that some chick named Hannah Montana can sell out American Airlines Arena faster than The Diesel and D-Wade. While we're at it, who the hell are the Jonas Brothers? The things parents do for their kids. (PS - Thanks, Mom, for all the NKOTB stuff and you were right.)

Look at Shaq Daddy in his Elmo shirt and hat. He's hands-down the NBA player I'd most want as a dad. And he's doing the good dad thing by playing nicey-nice with the ex for the sake of the kids. Paging Jason Kidd. While we're on the subject of NBA dads, I still can't believe Dwight "Let's Put a Cross on the Jersey" Howard is a dad. Unless you're willing to go to A.C. Green lengths, quit proselytizing, Dwight. And with a cheerleader. How cliche.

Source: TMZ

Shaq to Phoenix in Hopes of Becoming One

Well, if anyone can do it, Shaq can. If anyone can help him do it, Nash can.

Still, I'm as surprised as anyone by this trade, in part because I didn't think the Suns would actually let Shawn Marion go. He's their workhorse, albeit a disgruntled one. Nonetheless, he does all the dirty work. I voted for him and Steve Nash for the All Star Game from the Suns. I can understand Shawn's frustration though. He wants to be an All Star and get some individual credit, even if it means giving up the chance to play with Nash and going to a crappy team. It worked for Joe Johnson. I don't agree with it, but I understand. I also hate that the Joe Johnson route worked, that he is an All Star for the second time as a Hawk. My best friend lives in Atlanta and used to go to school with Josh Childress, and she still wouldn't be able to name the NBA team that plays there even if I gave her 2 choices. Maybe if we followed the Jeff Van Gundy plan - not let any player from a sub-.500 team on the All Star teams - this desire to abandon a non-sinking ship for a sinking one wouldn't be as intense. Then again, considering the egos, maybe not.

I hope Shaq and the Suns work out. He's had enough personal, physical and occupational turmoil for the year. With Pau-pow to the Lakers and Shaq to the Suns, I hope the Mavs and San Antone have something up their sleeves. Considering the ignominious end to the NFL season, it'll be interesting to see how the second half of the NBA season plays out. Get your popcorn ready. Ugh. I can't believe T.O. has entered my lexicon. SportsCenter has destroyed my mind.

Did you vote today?