Darko State of Mind

How jealous must Darko be of Beno Udrih right now?

In his first year, Beno's averaging more minutes in the playoffs than all of Darko's minutes combined for the past 2 seasons! Plus, Beno actually gets to play when the game matters (as we all witnessed to disastrous effect in Game 3). And even though Beno kept giving the ball to Chauncey, he still got 7 minutes on Tuesday and you know he's going to get some minutes tonight. Meanwhile, maybe Elden will teach Darko how to play PSP while they're chillin tonight.

Once a Mama's Boy, Always a Mama's Boy

Elden Campbell must be what, 40, 45 years old? Yet there he was mouthing "Hi Mama" to the camera during his introduction before Game 3. How cute is that?

Speaking of Elden (how often do you hear that), here are some fun facts:

1. He has a son named Jayle and a daughter named Jael.
I don't know why either.

2. He's teaching Tayshaun Prince how to play PSP.
At first, I was like how the hell does Elden's old ass know how to play PSP and Tayshaun doesn't?! Then, Mike reminded me, "Because he's on the bench all the time!!"

I still love you, Elden...15 years and counting.

For the Ladies: Eminem

You boys get Eva Longoria...We get Eminem.

But what is he doing behind the Spurs bench? Scaring Rasho into going 0-10 instead of just 0-5? How do you even explain an Eminem to someone like Rasho? In our country, some white boys grow up to be black. Kind of like Michael Jackson in reverse. No, no Kid Rock is just considered white trash.

Mark Cuban, Ya Cheap Bastard!

When he's not trying to pimp out his players' threads, he's trying to pimp out his fan base.

I previously mentioned that I thought the Suns and the Pistons had the best team websites this year. One of the reasons being they have a lot of pictures, both on and off the court, like the one of Jim Jackson reading and this one of Steve Nash napping on the plane.
By the way, how is that position remotely comfortable? His back must really be fuuuuuuucked up.

Anyway, on the Mavs website, there's a new section called "Take Yourself Behind-The-Scenes!" where you can see "never-before-seen photos of Mavs players and fans" etc etc. Unfortunately, the "scrapbook" is mainly one-inch thumbnails of various fans and random objects with "Mavs" emblazoned on it. There are some shots of actual players doing behind-the-scenes type things - like Marquis Daniels getting his hair done - but if you want to see them, it's straight cash, homey. If you click on the thumbnail to enlarge the picture, you just get a picture with "PROOF" stamped across the middle. To see the actual picture, it's $5.00 for 4x6 and $10.00 for 5x7. What in the name of Disneyland is this bullshit? At least Tinkerbell flies into your picture at Disneyland.

By the way, in other Mavs bullshit, under the "Behind-The-Scenes!" headline, there's one that says "Finley and Nowitzki have successful offseason surgeries." I, not realizing that mavs.com ascribes to the Fox News theory of reporting, got all concerned that Dirk had a surgery-requiring injury I didn't know about until I clicked on the link and realized it was a fucking dental procedure. Goddamn Mavs. Oh and I wasn't trying to play Fin like Nick Lachey and only acknowledge the blonde at his side. Everyone already knew he was going to have off-season surgery, whereas I was surprised that Dirk needed one, too.

Game 3: Crazy Ass Stuart Scott

We've had a lot of ridiculous moments during this series. Some off the top of my head include:
-> Suddenly switching to the French feed in the middle of the game
-> Actually listing all 140 languages in which the game was being broadcast
-> Alanis Morissette
-> Beno Udrih's play in Game 3
Etc.

And then there's Stuart Scott's postgame interview with Antonio McDyess.

It all began as a meaningless sideline report during the game. Apparently when Eva Longoria isn't there to give Michelle Tafoya "strict instructions" on how to do her job (as in Game 2), the storyline of the day becomes "Who's quieter: Tayshaun Prince or Antonio McDyess?" Tafoya reported that Tayshaun said Antonio and Antonio said Tayshaun. But wait, it doesn't end there. Right after the game, Stu corralled Dyess and asked not how it felt to come back from 3 knee surgeries and thinking his playing days were over to coming off the bench in his first Finals appearance in 10 seasons and scoring 12 key points, but instead asked Dyess to clarify who was quieter, him or Tayshaun. When Dyess obliged and said "Tayshaun Prince" our intrepid reporter then challenged him to "Yell it! Yell it!"

I guess since the brawl, cock fights in the NBA have been replaced with tests of verbal fortitude. Either that or Stuart Scott has lost his fucking mind. I'm going with the latter.

My Best Friend's Wedding

Vegas, baby! Sorry, Henrik, you'll have to wait til Sunday night for my post about Game 1. My girl's getting married!! I'm still debating on whether to watch the game there Sunday night then drive back or drive back mad early Sunday morning, basically staying up from now until then. Hmm...

Commissioner's Pet of the Week: Chauncey Billups and Wife

Not only did Chauncey Billups take away the Eastern Conference crown, he also snatched the "Commissioner's Pet" title from the Golden Boy known as Dwyane Wade. How did Smooth accomplish this seemingly impossible task, you ask? He went to two - TWO - WNBA games and took his wife and daughters as well. He even managed to drag Antonio McDyess to one. Now this may not seem like much, but how many people do you know who've been to one, much less two, WNBA games since that whole experiment started? And, even more impressive to the Commissioner, the Billups family went to both games within 2 weeks of one another. "A truly remarkable feat."

The new "Pet of the Week" will be announced Friday, when Chauncey is sure to be dethroned once David Stern gets the initial ratings from Game 1 vs. the Spurs. Until then though, long live King Bill.

Don't Leave Me, Don't Leave Me

Crazy ol' Roscoe. What a character. Between his perfectly circular bald spot and his on-court theatrics, how has he not been immortalized in cartoon yet?? Think about it...forget Thirst, or whatever that Lil' Penny Sprite knockoff is...how about "The Adventures of Lil' Sheed."

Episode I: Lil' Sheed Goes to School
When the teacher gives him a warning for talking back during class, Lil' Sheed throws up his arms and stamps his feet until he's thrown out of class and sent to the principal's office.

In the next episode, Lil' Sheed frustrates the school reporters covering the Academic Decathlon by answering every question with "Both teams played hard."

How could you not love Rasheed Wallace -- Portland fans, you are excused from answering this question and really, those kinds of words are unnecessary. In all seriousness, I really do like Sheed because I don't think he's fronting...what you see is what you get. He's not posing to help his street cred and sell some shoes (ahem, Kobe). He's also not trying to fit into some pre-packaged, league-approved image. He has a real personality, flaws and all. I think he's one of the most dynamic people in the league.

And really, I don't see him as being all that different from Tim Duncan. Timmy is who he is, which is really shy and understated, and he's not going to change that to become a name-brand, Bentley-driving superstar no matter how much John Thompson badgers him. He does his thing just like Sheed does his thing and from what I hear, teammates and coaches love them. Ahh, maybe I'll have an installment of Lil' Sheed and Lil' Timmy. It'll be like Jay and Silent Bob minus the homoerotic overtones.

Happy Birthday, AI!

Allen Iverson's turning 3-0 today. Damn. The enfant terrible of the league is now a seasoned veteran showing all the younguns the way. And I wouldn't have it any other way. His heart, those eyes... And between him, Rasheed Wallace, and Shaq Daddy, they come up with the funniest soundbites in the league.

So happy birthday, AI!! We should get him some bling. I may be reaching here, but I think he likes it.

Prince William & Manu Ginobili

Ever notice that the Prince is doing a Manu Ginobili thing with his hair?

On a sidenote, a fight nearly broke out at the Palace of Buckingham Hills when Wills stepped in front of his father as Charles was driving to the throne. Wills flew backwards and landed on his bum. Charles accused his eldest son of "flopping" his way to the throne. Menacing stares were exchanged.