Chris Webber Trade, Part 2

Here's what was published on the Sacramento Bee's website this morning:

Every year, it's Chris Webber.
Headed here or there via trade, it's not really an NBA season unless the Kings forward's name is dropped a dozen or so times, regardless of rumor merit.
"I've heard it so much over the years," Webber said Tuesday night. "I didn't hear that I was coming to Sacramento. (Now) I don't want to trade this for the world...When this type of thing happened before (earlier in my career), I would become an introvert. It became a burden. As you get older, you learn to laugh at it. Not making the All-Star team (this season), hearing about chemistry problems, you laugh. I know I still believe in us."

Not only that, in the same article, writer Joe Davidson talks about how Matt Barnes "steps up" whenever Peja can't play.

And should Stojakovic not be ready for the six-game road trip?
"I'll be ready," said Barnes, a former Del Campo High School star. "I know what I have to do to help this team."

Damn, Peja just got rid of any and all potential threats to him in one swoop. He IS Michael Corleone. Who'd have thought that the same guy who disappears every playoffs had this in him?? He always seemed so soft, so emasculated. Oh my God, forget Michael Corleone...Peja's Keyser Soze!! Watch your back, Mike!

Chris Webber Traded!!

And for whom?? Kenny Thomas, Corliss Williamson, and Brian Skinner. And it wasn't a 1 for 3 trade either. In addition to C-Webb, the Kings gave the Sixers Matt Barnes and Michael Bradley. Does Geoff Petrie just walk in and bend over when he goes into trade negotiations??

Welcome to Shaq vs. Kobe, Sac-town style. Playing the Dwyane Wade role of can't-believe-his-fucking-luck guard is Allen Iverson. My main question is how this trade is going to affect Mike Bibby. Is Bibby gonna be the next Steve "I don't know what I'm going to wake up for" Francis? Exactly how many strings does Peja pull behind the scenes? Do the Maloofs refer to Peja as their son ala Jerry Buss and Kobe Bryant? When is Chris coming out with his Chris Shoe Phone? Is Chris going to sell all his Kings gear for $5 like Doug Christie? Auuuugh! I need to know these things!

All-Star Portrait: Jackie and Doug Christie

Oh, I'm sorry...I meant the future Mrs. Jackie and Doug Christie! Look, she's already riding the team plane and everything.

All-Star Portrait: Fun with the Suns

Look at Nash trying to rock Amare's sweatband! Seriously, is there any team you'd rather be on right now than the Suns?

All-Star Portrait: Chris Bosh

Okay, so he only played in the Rookie-Sophomore Challenge but you have to give him props for wearing that standard issue All-Star shirt - you think AI or Shaq would wear that shit?

What Chris is thinking as he takes this picture:
"No more Vince! It's all ME next year, baby! New All-Star, new contract! Oh yeah!"

All-Star Portrait: Chris "I'm Never Getting Invited Back Here Again" Andersen

Oh Chris. I had such high hopes for you. But not only did you embarrass yourself on the court, look what you done gone put on off the court. This ain't Nascar, Chris! Put that damn belt away! Do you see people walking around in white sheets and pointy hats?? KNOW your audience. Same goes for you, halftime show producer.

All-Star Portrait: Gilbert Arenas

How cute is Gilbert Arenas?? He and Tayshaun Prince are the most angel-faced six-footers I've ever seen. Not only that, look at his Buckwheat shirt! Nothing says "aww" more than a baby and an afro!

On a sidenote, WHAT was up with the halftime show??? Babies are cute. Afros are cute. Dancing midgets and black cowboy rappers are just plain scary. Both the midget and the cowboy need to take a good long hard look in the mirror and really think about their life choices and how they're hurting not only their audience, but their respective race of people!!

Hotlanta!

OH.MY.GOD.

Anyone, anyone who says watching this
is more exciting than watching someone jump over a man AND dunk is clearly not right in the head and should immediately be removed from office. :)

That being said, OH.MY.GOD. DAP for Josh Smith, or J. Smoove as he likes to be called - remember he ain't goin to no colij and when you can dunk like that, who needs spelling?

My favorite dunk though was Amare's alley-oop off Steve Nash's head. That was sick! Seriously, is there any locker room you would rather be in right now? After the dunk contest, Cheryl Miller or somebody asked Amare how he and Steve came up with that and he said, "We do that stuff in practice." Somebody start filming the Suns' practice sessions please.

Thanks, boys, for bringing the Dunk Contest back (Sorry J-Rich)! I'll even sit through 20 more Chris Andersen dunks to see that shit again!

New Rules

In honor of the season premiere of Real Time with Bill Maher tonight on HBO (plug), I am going to make some New Rules of my own.

For those of you unfamiliar with Real Time, here's an example of one of his New Rules done at the end of the show:

New Rule: The Sports Illustrated "Swimsuit Edition" is whacking material for guys too chicken to buy real porn. Apparently between the end of the football season and the beginning of the baseball season is the masturbating season. Which is fine. But to put on a national display of mourning and outrage over one exposed nipple at a sporting event, and the next week to show nothing but tits and ass in our premier sports magazine seems a tad hypocritical. Let's decide once and for all whether breasts are good or evil. Because after all, a nipple is nothing more than a bundle of nerves surrounded by skin, much like Howard Dean.
(Source: www.hbo.com/billmaher )

Onto my rules:

New Rule: If you are a male over the age of 10 and you still call your father "Daddy," you do not deserve to have your own segment on SportsCenter. After having to sit through 10 MINUTES of Nascar "highlights" and Dale, Jr. mentions just to see some real highlights from the Mavs-Suns game (not to mention the endless stream of "I just wanna race, Daddy" commercials), I've decided for the sake of humanity Nascar must go.

New Rule: All NBA contracts are now C.O.D., cash on delivery. This is for everyone who paid to watch Vince Carter in Toronto, Tracy McGrady in Orlando, or anyone currently on the Knicks roster. If you're getting paid over $50 million to play some ball (hell, even if you're getting $500,000), you better play some ball. If you can't bring yourself to deliver 100% of your effort, we no longer have to deliver 100% of your paycheck.

New Rule: If you have a 32 inch neck, don't wear a necklace...Unless of course it's hanging down to your navel and studded with $1mil+ worth of bling...Even then though... Now you know how much I love Don Nelson but at the Mavs-Kings game on February 11th, Nellie was rocking a necklace/choker thing that ranks right up there with Dirk's sweatband as "Things white people just can't pull off."

New Rule: If you went to a high school with the words "Academy" or "Prep" in its name, you AIN'T as ghetto as you think and you AIN'T from the 'hood. SO QUIT FRONTIN'! Just because you have a tattoo doesn't mean you're tough. Even Greg Ostertag has a tatt. Despite what Jay-Z says, not everyone has to have had a hard knock life to be a baller. So quit posing, quit whining, and quit posturing. JUST PLAY.

Now bring on All Star Weekend and a new season of Real Time with Bill Maher!

Happy 42nd Birthday, MJ

From one UNC man to another.

He not only inspired all future comers to shamelessly mimic his every dunk, fadeaway, and even his walk (ahem Kobe), everyone - from the kid on the street to Kirsten Dunst's character in Spiderman to David Beckham in Madrid - still wants to be like Mike. However, there is only one MJ, one #23.

Happy birthday to The Original, to which there is no heir-ness.