Deep Throat

I would talk about the game, but I'm still reeling from learning the identity of "Deep Throat" on ESPN. I just wanted to see some French Open highlights and hear some predictions for the Heat-Pistons game and instead I find out the answer to what my "Politics and Media" class spent a semester discussing. And who says sports isn't educational.

Damn, I really don't have anything to say about the game. I mean, really, what tops finding out a 30-year-old secret? (Although Tayshaun saving the ball and diving into the crowd comes pretty close.)

Game 4: Amare's "Tayshaun Prince" Block of the Night

ARRRGH! When Robert Horry hit that 3, I thought he was going to add another notch to his heartbreak belt. But Amare Stoudemire...Goddamn. Blocking Timmy's dunk with 0:36 left. And Shawn Marion actually broke through to score in double digits - all the way to 11. That's a record for him in this series. Game 5's gonna be craaaazy!

For All You Phoenix Fans

It was fun while it lasted. Even though I was rooting for Dallas in Round Two and I'm rooting for San Antonio now, I can appreciate what the Suns brought to the table. Unlike the Sonics, they seemed to have genuine chemistry and the funnest locker room in the NBA.

Now time for Game 4.

When Eyeliner Attacks: A Message For Rachel Nichols and Colleen Dominguez

Ladies, ladies, ease up on the eyeliner. You're covering basketball, not hawking Bibles on TV.

Here's a helpful website for you two and all those "metrosexual" boys out there. (Really, boys, you ain't fooling anyone. Just admit it...you're gay...it's okay. We still love you.)

http://www.chanel.com/fb/um.php?la=en-us&lo=us&re=chanelcom&ws-action=http://um.chanel.com/vbranding.php?la%3den-us%26lo%3dus%26re%3dchanelcom%26landing%3dm%26branding%3demu~~~G!03B5212D66B3!5kW0r37g%252brwd%252bKllvg%3d%3d~~~~@http://syndicator.chanel.com.edgesuite.net/chanel/chanel-um

Malcolm Glazer vs. Manchester United Fans

Is it just me, or does the white-on-white hate caused by Malcolm Glazer buying Man U. make anyone else laugh, or at least let you know that God does indeed have a sense of humor?

Somewhere in Africa, a warlord is shaking his head and saying, "And they call us irrational."

Krazee-Eyez

When someone from an opposing team misses a free throw, Rasheed Wallace tells him, "Ball don't lie." I have a similar message for Phil Jackson: The eyes don't lie.

At the draft lottery, Jeanie Buss told everyone that Phil gave her a lucky rock for the lottery, but it wasn't the rock she wanted. Then she pointed to her bare left ring finger. Not only that, while on a radio show in LA, Jeanie moaned about her non-marital state saying such girlie pearls as, "I just don't know what to do" and "Maybe I need everyone to tell me that it's time to move on."

Message to Phil: Run...run like you're a blonde white girl who's just simultaneously been spotted by Jerry Buss, T.O., and Tiger Woods. Get the hell out of dodge.

A woman pushing 40 in a 5-year relationship who's no longer hinting but actively (and publicly) campaigning for marriage like she's Mark Cuban trying to Nascar-ize NBA threads, that's basically the end of Zen in that relationship.

But to be fair, it's not just the women hunting for the ring. At the Mo Cheeks press conference, AI said, "I got all these fingers and no rings on 'em. I'm willing to do anything." Of course when AI says it, he sounds mad cool and it just adds even more to his appeal.

More Like The Matrix Revolutions

Can Shawn Marion have a more appropriate nickname than The Matrix? In the first round, he dazzled us with his array of tricks and effects. In the second round, we knew what to expect but we still liked what we saw. Now in the third round, we're just waiting for the series to mercifully come to an end.

I've Got Five Words for You...

Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan.

I don't care if he's crazy, high, or Jackie Christie. Season 2 DVD out today. Hmm..what do you think is higher comedy - Dave Chappelle impersonating Rick James or Isiah Thomas impersonating a GM? Personally, I'm going for Zeke because unlike the played out Rick James bit, Isiah and the Knicks will be the gift that keeps on giving for at least the next 2 years.

And on that note, draft lottery at 5:30 tonight. Go Zeke go!

Shaq Daddy: Cooler Than a Polar Bear's Toenails

How do you not love the Diesel?

Here he is getting freaky with some South Beach teachers. The footage of him dancing even made my mother - the same woman who thinks watching basketball is going to b) scare off my future husband, thus leading to a) turn me into a lesbian - even she laughed outloud and was completely charmed by the powers of Kazaam.

Jake Voskuhl: The Other White Meat

Huh...I didn't realize you needed to get your ankles taped to sit on the bench. Learn something new everyday.

Just wanted to give some love to Jake since the other white guy on the bench (Paul Shirley, blogger extraordinaire) is getting all the love.