NBA's Finest

What The Cavs Have Been Working Toward All Year

2009-05-05T16:05:00.000-07:00

Lord Help Me. I Can't Get Enough JR Smith!

2009-04-30T03:11:00.001-07:00

If you read this blog back in its heyday when I posted more than once a month, you know of my fondness for JR Smith. I mean the boy had Spongebob slippers that were 5 sizes too small for him, he bought his first house in New Orleans only to be kicked out of the master bedroom by his parents, and he read Harold and the Purple Crayon. How could you not love him? (Don't answer that, Byron Scott.) He was the living embodiment of the term 'childlike insouciance.'

Now 5 years later, for better or for worse, he still is. Note the grandstanding in the pictures above. Then, note the score and the time. Classic JR. He really can't help himself. Just look at his face in the picture on the right! That was right after he made a reverse dunk. Some people thought he was gloating over his old coach Bryon Scott, but he's actually signaling to someone on his own bench -- George Karl maybe? Is it mature? Hell no. Is it kind of an asshole thing to do? For sure. Is it totally and 100% JR? Absolutely! And he's loving every second of it.

Herein lies the difference between JR Smith and Carmelo Anthony. When JR's out there swaggering and acting a fool in the 4th, that's really JR just being JR. He's not going to apologize for himself...rather George Karl will be out there crying, "We're humble!" til he's all red in the face. (George Karl does not get blue in the face. Trust me, it gets red.) Melo, on the other hand...he's supposed to be top dog. In his postgame tonight, he even said,

"It is my house. What do you want me to say? Chauncey moved in with me."

As top dog, the dog should wag the tail, meaning the team should take on the characteristics of their supposed leader. In Melo's case, the tail wags the dog. Right after JR started jacking 3s and made that reverse dunk, guess who wanted to take part in the fun and started shooting 3s himself. Mr. Chauncey-moved-in-with-me. If you're gonna walk the walk (strut the swagger?), have the balls to back it up. But Melo, in classic one punch and run away/the weed was in my bag but it's not mine Melo form, doesn't want to be seen as a bad guy. He's tough, mind you. See the tatts? Remember the cornrows? Stop snitchin? He's real, damnit! But don't worry, marketers. He's just as likable as Lebron or DWade, and he respects the Hornets. Umm, no you don't. Your four shots with a huge smile on your face with less than 5 minutes left and a 20 point lead show you don't. How many shots did Chauncey take during that same time? Zero. The thing is, I don't give a shit about that. If you want to run up the score and the other team isn't stopping you, go right ahead. But don't fucking apologize or give some lame ass, halfhearted excuse afterward. It's fake and insulting and not JR.

Basically, JR Smith > Carmelo Anthony.

Chauncey Billups on JR in his postgame:

"JR's definitely a work in progress. He's young. He has the ability to be a perennial All Star. He's our 6th starter and he plays with a starter's swagger."

Thou Shalt Not Interrupt Jimmy Goldstein

2009-04-29T05:17:00.000-07:00

The one video out there of Jimmy Goldstein speaking and these guys talk over him as he patiently tries to answer their questions. Apparently, they went to the Oprah School of Journalism. Sigh. I guess I should just be glad they recognized him and got him on camera.

I've only done this once before, but I'm establishing another New Rule on NBA's Finest: Thou shalt not interrupt Jimmy Goldstein.

Superfly Jimmy Goldstein

2009-04-29T04:39:00.001-07:00

Apparently, this is what it says on his actual business card. In my mind, this is what it looks like. Some people want sparkly unicorns on their screens. I want Jimmy in all his regalia. Full Jimmy Goldstein post to follow.

Photo Source: Jimmy Goldstein via ESPN.com*

*Note: There was some confusion over the above graphic being Jimmy's actual business card. It's not. I made it based on the ESPN.com article I read, using the picture Jimmy provided for the article.

And This Is Different From Groupie Love How?

2009-04-26T03:45:00.000-07:00

I really don't need to add yet another magazine to my reading list, but when I see one with Will Demps on the cover...well really, what's a girl to do. This is the premiere issue of SET Magazine, the ~~vanity project~~ brainchild of Mrs. Samari Rolle. According to the website:

"Our mission is to provide an intimate look at professional athletes lives as they endure hardships, overcome failures and celebrate their success in their perspective professions. We get up close to take an in-depth look at otherwise classified information."

I didn't realize the failures and successes of athletes in their respective professions were classified. I'm glad SET came along to unclassify that info - ie, Will Demps being the Texans' secret weapon despite being released by them. Amazing.

Anyway, one of the NBA's "nice guys" - Antawn Jamison - is profiled in the mag along with his wife, Ione. Jamison has a squeaky clean reputation, has been married to the same woman for 5 years, and has kids born well after the first 9 months of marriage. On paper, this seems like a model marriage, especially by NBA standards, so I was curious to read what SET unclassified. I should've just stopped at the pictures of Will.

SET: What's the last romantic thing you did for each other?

Ione: Antawn is the best gift giver ever. Just Monday, he upgraded my diamond earrings [from two to three carats]. He went to Vegas, and I didn't even know he'd taken them with him.

SET: How does she spoil you?

Antawn: She gives me little gifts all the time. I really wanted this Louis Vuitton backpack and I couldn't find it anywhere, and she went and got it made for me.

Seriously, is this what romance boils down to - a bigger pair of diamond earrings and a Louis Vuitton backpack? Regardless of the state of the economy, what the fuck? Groupies trade sex for material goods. Shouldn't marriage/love/romance go beyond groupie love? What is so romantic about buying shit when one spouse's yearly salary - $16,360,090 for 2007-2008 - makes buying shit limitless? Before you say, "But that just shows they don't spend their money on all that all the time so it is romantic when they do," let me stop you, future much-younger-second-or-third-wife-of-some-rich-man. Let me also discount the notion that I think money is bad or diamond earrings are bad. But if your romance is driven by the same accumulation of shit that drives groupie love, how is your love any different?

Photo/Article Source: SET Magazine

"Change Your Look, Change Your Life"

2009-02-24T21:46:00.000-08:00

The little, indie bookstores I usually go to don't carry ESPN the Mag, but I was waiting for someone at Barnes & Noble yesterday and this picture of Dwight Howard caught my eye. The cover story, "Above the Rim, Beyond the Arc" by Ric Bucher, is a really interesting revisit to the controversial-at-the-time NBA dress code and how opinions and behaviors have changed since then.

Beyond just their physical appearance, players have re-examined their lifestyles and perceptions. Bucher writes,

"Times have changed. Players not only have rethought what they wear, they've also rethought what they drive and eat. Gone are the days of a player hopping out of an Escalade with 24-inch spinning rims and tinted windows that rattle from the beat of the speaker box. Now the car is likely to be a dark-colored sedan or SUV with standard equipment...You can also find players circling the team buffet, casually mentioning the egg-white omelet and protein shake their personal chef whipped up for them that morning."

Players have also started thinking broadly and more long-term. Shane Battier says, "Guys want to be players and businessmen. And they understand you have to look the part. They're more sophisticated."

The most interesting part of the article was the key figure cited as, if not integral, definitely influential in effecting this change - and it's not Barack Obama. It's Hova himself, Jay-Z. We know Jay's influenced Lebron directly, but who knew he influenced the entire league indirectly. Bucher writes,

"And when Jay-Z turned in his Yankees cap and white T's for French-cuffed shirts and three-piece suits, tailors with NBA clientele noticed. 'Guys started buying a ton of woven dress shirts to wear with cuff links,' says designer Cary Mitchell. Teams steal defensive schemes; players eye what others are rocking. 'It's a copycat league,' says Mitchell."

Other owners better hope and pray Jay's influence is solely sartorial and won't affect where players want to play, ie Brooklyn. I think it's hilarious though that this designer calls the players out as copycats.

Another benefit to the dress code was that it bridged one divide between the Americans and the Europeans. Some of the Europeans felt mocked for their choice of clothing, which tends toward close-fitting, but now, that's the style 'round the league.

Time was when Warriors center Andris Biedrins thought he was getting dap when someone said, "That suit is tight." But that was "tight" as in "too small," not as in "That looks sharp." No more. Says Hawks center Zaza Pachulia: "Euro style used to be a bad thing. Now guys like it."

If only other conflicts could be so easily defused. Anyway, check out the story. It's really interesting. One other thing - the Blazers provide a personal chef to rookies whose moms aren't accompanying them to Portland. How cool is that!!!!

Together Again

2009-02-24T15:48:00.000-08:00

First, Shaq and Kobe reunited at the All Star Game. Then, it was Angelina and Aniston at the Oscars. Now, and with much less drama, Conan and Andy will be back together on NBC! Can Andy still be naked at 11:35pm or will that be Jimmy Fallon's domain now? *Shudder*

A Quote for Sonics Fans

2009-02-18T05:52:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, which wasn't quite the old lady book I'd thought it would be...okay, maybe it was a little but I still really enjoyed it. Anyway, there's a line from Shakespeare in the book that I thought fitting for Sonics fans, particularly after the show Kevin Durant put on this weekend. It goes, "The bright day is done, and we are for the dark."

Didn't mean to start your morning off on such a somber note. Here's a video from the hilarious Paul Brogan to properly start the day. I don't know how I didn't see this before. Thanks @PhoenixSunsGirl for all the manic Twittering.

PAUL BROGAN - NBA RAP 2008

Seriously, how could David Stern take the NBA from a city that produces fans like this? Now look what the cat dragged in to Oklahoma City:

They're calling him Rumble the Bison. He can't even make a basket! So sad.

Highlight of Clippers-Suns Game

2009-02-18T05:18:00.000-08:00

The best part of the ridiculous 40 point blowout came during halftime when they showed a clip of the Step Brothers spoof Baron Davis and Steve Nash made for Baron BoomDizzle's site, IBeatYou. Look at Steve's moves! Shaq's not the only one with some skills. Two words: Dance off.

Jay, if you don't know who the JabbaWockeeZ are, I'm shaving your head to reflect the old man you've become. I love PTI and Tony Kornheiser, but damn, sometimes the age/generation/technology/pop culture gap is ridiculous. Today he and Dan Le Batard talked about Twitter and Tony went off on the "twitter machine." It's called a computer. And I loved when he finally discovered Amy Winehouse...a year after Rehab blew up. I know ESPN wants to skew young, but forcing people to talk about topics they have absolutely no understanding of - I thought that's what they kept Skip Bayless around for.

The Pistons' Mascot is Cooler than Yours

2009-02-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

Hooper's doing it in costume AND heels!
I humble myself before thee.
And those dancers! Hot sex on a platter.

Benny or Gorilla, whatchu got??

2009-02-12T16:44:00.000-08:00

He's jealous of this dog, too.

When Mom's Away

2009-02-12T09:44:00.000-08:00

Obama is totally jealous of this kid.
Stay strong, Mr. President.

Link via Dlisted's Twitter.

The Aftermath in Seattle

2009-02-12T06:45:00.000-08:00

What Clay Bennett wrought.
Sonics fans in Portland for the ex-Sonics return to the Pacific Northwest.
So sad.

Photo Source: AP

Cojones*

2009-02-12T02:18:00.000-08:00

Slam has a fantastic article by John Krolik on the rightful heir to Sam Cassell's testicle dance. (The only adjective I can think of to properly describe the dance is 'singular,' but somehow 'singular testicle dance' just sounds wrong...and misleading.) Thus far, only Kobe and Andre Iguodala have been brazen enough to show off their cojones (Andre in front of the one and only Sam I Am). Kobe broke out the dance again tonight after a late basket against the Jazz, but like the last time against the Spurs, Lakers lost. Last time, Roger Mason, Jr. answered back with a testicle dance of his own. This time, Mehmet Okur answered back with what can only be characterized as the Jonas version of Sam's dance. I'm trying to find a clip of it, but the only video of the game on YouTube cuts off before the end.

My vote is for Roger Mason, Jr. Sam had a swagger disproportionate to his position on the NBA totem pole. Roger Mason - 2nd rounder, journeyman - has the same outsized bravado.

Krolik dismisses Manu as a possible heir, saying:

I’m pretty sure Manu thinks the dance means “I have accumulated a lot of change and am unsure what to do with it, so for the moment there is much change in my pockets, which I find unwieldy.”

This can also describe Mehmet's dance. Check out the other potential heirs apparent here.

*Quick note to my very white friend, Jay. Cojones is not pronounced 'co-jones,' which is what I know you were saying in your head. It's Spanish and therefore pronounced 'co-ho-nez.'

Cold Days

2009-02-12T00:59:00.000-08:00

Most people take snow days, I've been taking cold days. The temperature literally went from the 80s-90s to the 40s-50s and rainy in a matter of days. I know 40 degrees is nothing to anyone not living in the Southwest, but the sudden drop was so jarring it felt like being thrown into freezing cold water. I'm absolutely useless when it's cold, which explains why I was on academic probation for the first time in my life my first winter in Boston, but my body's more acclimated now so I'm pulling an all-nighter to make up for all the work I haven't been doing. The actual work probably won't take more than a few hours, but I have to schedule in my procrastination, such as this post.

Something that's been bothering me for awhile, which I've voiced before but I feel the need to bring up again is, who the fuck are the Jonas Brothers? And why are they everywhere?! I saw them for a quick second on the VMAs sitting on a makeshift stoop in matching seersucker suits before I had to change the channel. That's understandable though since MTV caters to imbeciles. They've also taken over a wall at Borders. Once again, understandable considering the other wall was devoted to Twilight, ibid imbecile reference. But the cover of Rolling Stone? And now they're going to rape my ears on SNL? Why they haven't been banished to the Teen Beat corner is beyond me. Why are we, non 13-years-olds, being forced to lower ourselves to the Jonas-Hannah Montana level? No wonder the adult literacy level is so low and the LA Times is written at barely an 8th grade level since apparently, that's the mental age we're shooting for. Jesus. (Excuse my caffeine rush. I'm fine now.) Here's Chelsea Handler's take on the Jonas situation:

Brilliant. Don't get me wrong - I'm not against teen idols. I just don't think that I or anyone else in their 20s and up should be forced to follow a group of pre-pubescent boys. Unless they can shoot a ball, of course. You wouldn't show Finding Nemo on SpikeTV, so why are the JoBros (Seriously? Gag me.) on SNL? And don't get me started on Zac Efron hosting. Okay, enough of this. More posts about basketball, I swear!

Chipotle

2009-02-09T02:01:00.000-08:00

This is so something my cousin would do.
That's why his nickname is Idiot Boy.

The Mailman Does Not Deliver on TNT

2009-02-07T06:55:00.000-08:00

Karl Malone was a guest host on Inside the NBA this week and his appearance was magic. As in The Magic Hour. Since Karl loves to hunt so much, let's use a hunting analogy. If Ernie, Kenny, and Charles are decorated marksmen, Karl Malone is Dick Cheney. He might as well have shot Ernie in the face.

When asked about the coaching carousel in the NBA, Karl started talking about Marc Iavaroni and without finishing his point, leapfrogged to Jerry Sloan going to Illinois to hunt. When Ernie asked him if he still kept in touch with John Stockton, Karl talked about how John was the godfather to one of his kids and then how they should have showed John's statue in front of the EnergySolutions Arena. He'd ramble on and on about something and then just kind of stop. There'd be a momentary pause while Ernie figured out if Karl was going to finish his point or not, and then Ernie would bring everyone back with an "Okaaaay..."

I don't know how much longer TNT is going to punish Charles and by extension us, the viewers, but in case this suspension results in more appearances by the Mailman, I feel a quick workshop is in order. Here we go:

How to Be a Studio Analyst: A Hunter's Guide

Before you begin speaking/shooting, you must find a point/target.
You are the gun and your words are your bullets.
Pretend your point is the defenseless little animal you love to kill.
Track it, determine its path before you start shooting off at the mouth.
Don't let the point get away from you.
Focus.
When you have the point in your sights, shoot.
You don't need to spray buckshot all willy-nilly.
That's how random old men get shot in the face.
Use only the amount of bullets that are necessary.
When you're finished, the point will be done as well.
Time to move on.

Repeat the steps above or give someone else a turn.

Please, TNT. Give Charles another turn. Yes, he went from Blackjack to BJs but hey, at least he wasn't photographed hitting the bong! The Moral ~~Majority~~ Minority have moved on to Michael Phelps. Now is the perfect time to bring Charles back under the radar. An All-Star Weekend without the Chuckster but with G-E-I-C-O? Say it ain't so.

Shit.

2009-02-05T18:00:00.000-08:00

This blog is being blocked by Google on Firefox and Safari. I don't know what's going on, but in the meanwhile, go to nbafinest.blogspot.com. Hopefully, this problem will be resolved soon enough.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Kardashians Prefer NFL Players to NBA Players. In a Related Study, Findings Show NFL Players More at Risk for STDs than NBA Players.

2009-02-04T02:40:00.000-08:00

Khloe Kardashian recently broke up with the T-wolves' Rashad McCants and told People Magazine,

"It's easier to date a football player for sure. Football players have one game a week, and they practice every day, but they're all at home. In basketball, they're on the road all the time. Relationships are so hard in general, even living next door to each other, but they have 82 games a year in their season, and I work so much; it's hard to spend time together. It just wasn't as fun as it should have been."

Now here's the kicker:

"I normally never talk about relationships. But since he was kind of public, my fans were angry that I wasn't really saying anything."

Fans? Yes, I'm sure the Chyna Fan Club rejects were postively seething that they didn't know about your love life. Good luck in the NFL hunt.

Totally In Love with Ricky Gervais

2009-02-03T23:48:00.000-08:00

Reasons:

1. His open letter to Barack Obama.

Dear Mr President,

As I'm sure you are aware, one of your flock has strayed. A Miss Paris Hilton, who is, I believe, a resident of Beverley Hills, is in England doing a reality game show for ITV2 called Paris Hilton's British Best Friend. Fine. I have no problem with that. I don't have to watch. But now it has come to my attention that she has bought a house in North London a few miles from me, and is out and about ingratiating herself with the Great British public.

Mr President. We are not stupid. This is clearly a retaliatory strike for Posh Spice moving to LA. I know it, and you know it, so let's cut the "it's a free country" nonsense and come to some agreement.

I propose an exchange.

Have your people call my people. They may have to call a few times as my people are useless to be honest.

Thank you,

Ricky Gervais

2. His worst films of 2008 list.

10. Fool's Gold -- I don't have anything funny to say about this movie. I'm just fed up. Just fucking stop it. Seriously. You're not getting anything out of it. I'm not getting anything out of it. Even "your audience" isn't getting anything out of it. You know what this movie cost? $70 million. You know what it grossed? $70 Million. It's a cats game. You're literally doing nothing.

6. Fireproof -- THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL. This makes me miss The Passion of the Christ. At least that had a few movie stars and some violence. Next up: the Mormon film movement. Oh wait... that's already started... and it's on this list.

1. Twilight -- Dear Fat Girls of America, I know times are tough. I know how it feels to be overweight, and unpopular, to feel that no one really understands you and to wallow away at night, lying in your big bed, snacking and wishing there was an effeminate vampire boy-child to come steal you away and show you how shiny he looks in the sunlight. (I don't). But this is not the answer. I say it again, ma'am: THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER. I know it's too late to stop this train, but let us all agree that the Twilight books make Harry Potter look like Proust. And even worse, the Twilight film makes Disaster Movie look like The Leopard.

3. His best films of 2008 list. Namely, it didn't include Benjamin Button and Slumdog Millionaire. I watched both and liked both but, particularly with Slumdog, didn't think it was OH MY GOD! THE MOST AMAZING MOVIE EVER. I loved Danny Boyle's directing, as I always do, but I knew the ending halfway into the movie even though I hate guessing what happens and willfully fight against it. When people in my theater gasped at the last question, I was like, "Are you kidding me? Seriously, where have you been for the past 2 hours?" It was a feel good movie, though with moments of brutal violence, that's sort of become more than it is. Kind of like Andre Iguodala. Flashy, moments of brilliance, but not quite at the top tier. Yet. Here are some movies that did make his list.

10. Iron Man -- Just fun.

8. Tropic Thunder -- It still bothers me that we live in a culture where Tom Cruise has to do public penance for being crazy by embarrassing himself with ridiculous dance moves. But almost everything else I enjoyed. I think it would have been better, as it was supposed to be, with Owen Wilson in the Jack Black role, though.

6. Let the Right One In -- A slap in the face to all that is bad in the world of cinema. Quite literally the anti-Fool's Gold. It's exactly what we need.

Kind of In Love with Will Leitch

2009-02-03T23:25:00.000-08:00

I didn't know Will Leitch of Deadspin fame had his own blog, but I was on one site that linked to another site that linked to The Will Leitch Experience. Aside from pointing me to Shaq's (in)famous Twitter and a hilarious Batman cartoon, I was pleasantly surprised by his choice of movies, including one of my absolute favorites this year, The Class.

The Class, based on French bestseller "Entre les Murs" (Between the Walls), is a docudrama of the experiences of one inner city, Parisian middle school teacher. François Bégaudeau, the author of the book, plays himself in the movie. Though Bégaudeau and the students are novice actors, they give the most realistic, honest portrayals that you feel like you're a fly on the wall of a real classroom. Every time Bégaudeau seems to be making progress with his students, something happens that knocks him back 2 steps. That constant wearing down comes to a head when he loses his temper and tells two of his female students that they're acting "like skanks."

This totally hit close to home because when I first started teaching, I was Amy Adams...on crack. I was so positive and conviced I was going to be the change I wanted to see. Yada yada yada. Now I'm like one flask of bathtub gin away from being Miss Hannigan. Thanks to French bureaucracy, the French middle schools I taught at were similar enough to the one in The Class.

Leitch writes:

During some of the rougher “battle” rapport sequences between Francois and the class, it began to strike me almost as a war film. Upon further reflection, though, that’s not quite right: It’s a prison film. The teachers here are guards, acutely aware that the notion of “rehabilitation” is for academics and theorists; they’re just trying to avoid a riot. Maybe you can catch a kid’s attention for a second, plant a seed, but mostly you just do your best to make it through and cross your fingers that something sticks. Parents and administrators — other than the school’s principal, who has the world weariness of a man who desperately would love to give up, but can’t, at considerable expense — are people who get in the way, like civil rights lawyers at a prison. Sure, everyone would like everyone to get along and turn into Mr. Holland and his opus. But these teachers, these prison guards, these ones out in the field, they’re too busy putting out fires. And their faces show it, and show how they once felt so differently, long ago.

All in all, a fantastic movie with more insight than anything that's come out of Hollywood in a while. Give it a chance even though it is in French, which usually has guys running for the hills. That's why I'm kind of in love with Will Leitch. He gives foreign and non-mainstream movies a chance and then can speak eloquently about them. I watched The Secret of the Grain today and as usual, it was me and a bunch of little old ladies. I lost the last person who indulged me after taking them to Let the Right One In, which I still maintain was a very good movie. Vampires, especially Swedish vampires that don't sparkle, are just not for everyone.

Kobe Bryant, "Genus"

2009-02-03T22:58:00.000-08:00

Spike Lee was interviewed after Kobe's 61 at MSG the other night and he said, "You don't have to be Albert Einstein...You can have genuses in sports, too." I rewound my DVR 5 times to make sure I heard it correctly. I did.

All Star Injuries

2009-02-03T22:08:00.000-08:00

Chris Paul - selected to his 2nd All Star game, his first as a starter - strained his groin but is listed day-to-day.

Jameer Nelson - selected to his first All Star game - tore something in his shoulder and may have to have season-ending surgery.

Although I'm sure a strained groin isn't pleasant, this totally sucks for Jameer. He was having a breakout season and totally pumped for the All Star Game. He talked to John Thompson last week about what an honor it would be for him. More impressively, he didn't cry in a John Thompson interview. That's truly a feat considering what Thompson was pulling out, such as the unexpected and still mysterious death of Jameer's father last year. I was ready to start bawling, but Jameer held it together and talked about the kind of man his father raised him to be. Sniff sniff. I really hope his injury isn't serious and he gets to finish the season. I know I'm totally a sucker for those Beyond the Glory personal interviews, but Jameer Nelson (damn, I keep typing Jammer) really seems like a sincere guy who's fought uphill his entire basketball career and earned every stripe. Fortunately, I don't think this will be his last All Star selection. Now who's gonna be Dwight's wingman in the Dunk contest?

Happy Groundhog Day (Yesterday)

2009-02-03T21:49:00.000-08:00

6 more weeks of winter, for part of the country anyway. It was 80 degrees here today! I wish it would be a little cooler. Okay, maybe not.

Photo Source: Sean Delonas for the New York Post

Super Bowl and SingStar: The Wrap Up

2009-02-03T07:20:00.000-08:00

First off, let me start by saying Jennifer Hudson, Jennifer Hudson, Jennifer Hudson. Amazing. Ignoring her back story for just a minute, that performance was one for the books. Then, taking in consideration everything that's happened to her in the past few months, it just blows my mind. I can't imagine going through what she went through, rather I don't want to imagine having to go through what she went through, because I would either be in a coma or a murderous rage. It's truly gratifying to see that her spirit and her talent are indomitable. She'll be back on top soon enough.

I watched the game at my best guy friend's house. He and his partner always have the most amazing snacks, including a chocolate fountain this year. Usually, I just tell him who to root for, but this year he announced that he was rooting for the Steelers. I was so proud and totally surprised. Then I thought about it for a second and was like, "Wait a sec, Ben's not cute. How did you make your pick? Did you actually watch ESPN?"

"Nope. Mother Jones."

This is why we've been friends for over 10 years even though we only met at a 6-week summer program. Only he would base a Super Bowl pick on either the hotness of the quarterback or Mother Jones. And only he would use the Super Bowl as a guise to really have a SingStar party. The group was probably split 40/60 on those who came for the Super Bowl and those who came for SingStar. I happened to be sitting next to someone who came for SingStar during the insane 4th quarter. With about a minute left, my knees were in my chest and I was mumbling "come on, baby, come on, baby, come on, baby" when I heard him say, "I think she's speaking in tongues." My head whipped around so fast it probably did seem like I was possessed and then, to further validate the Linda Blair comparison, I roared, "Listen, bitch, now is NOT the time to start with me!" After the Santonio Holmes touchdown and the remaining 35 seconds - during which I was nervous the ENTIRE time (way to inspire confidence, #1 defense), unfortunate sap sitting next to me and I made up with a SingStar duet. It really does bring people together.

As for the halftime show, I think we watched 30 seconds of it - enough for a Kathy Griffin sighting and a few 'Did Bruce throw out his back?' comments - and we were done. Did I mention there was a chocolate fountain? It held way more interest than Bruce.

The two most popular topics were Brenda Warner (obviously) and Chris Kemoeatu. Poor Chris. Every time the camera zoomed in on his face stuffed to within an inch of its life in his helmet, everyone went nuts. Do they not have different size helmets? Does Chris Kemoeatu really have to wear the same size helmet as Darren Sproles? Seems unfair. As for Mrs. Warner, well, the Kim Zolciak hair and makeup didn't help, but she's trying. It still didn't go over well with the crowd of bored, bitchy gays but they also hadn't seen the before picture. Hmm, would you rather be called a tranny or a grandma? Whatever, 5 kids later, she must be doing something right.

Some final thoughts: Who the hell was that sideline reporter with Andrea Kremer? How do you get to cover the biggest sporting event of the year when no one knows who the hell you are? Were Michelle Tafoya and Pam Oliver bound and gagged somewhere? Who do I have to sleep with to get that job next year?

And to Mike Wilbon, Mr. NBA, how do you not know and Tony know Santonio Holmes was doing the Lebron? Tony watches like 2 games a year! C'mon Mike! (By the way, he thought Holmes was doing a salt and pepper shaker with the ball.)

Reasons #476 and 477 Why I Love Shaq

2009-01-31T03:43:00.000-08:00

#476. He Twitters and calls other people who Twitter "Twittereans" and "Twitter bugs."

#476a. He keeps trying to get Steve Nash to join Twitter.

#477. I LOVE True Blood. Love it, love it, love it. And the fact that Shaq is from Bon Temps, home to vampires, shape shifters, and Lafayette, just adds to his mystique.

Note on True Blood: I know it's totally annoying when someone says "You MUST watch this show!" so I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm just gonna say you MUST watch this scene. This is why Lafayette Reynolds is my favorite character on any show right now.

Only in LA

2009-01-31T03:26:00.000-08:00

I was at the dealership last week getting my car serviced (and getting raped in the ass with service charges in the process, but that's neither here nor there) when a clip of Alonzo Mourning's retirement press conference came on. A woman walking by glanced at the TV and then stopped dead in her tracks. "What's going on?! Who died?" she asked. I looked at her curiously and said, "What are you talking about? No one died." Then she goes, "Why is he mourning?" As calmly as I could manage without laughing in her face, I let her know, "Because that's his name." Jesus.

Cristiano Ronaldo + Matt Leinart =

2009-01-30T23:15:00.000-08:00

Fernando Verdasco

Back to Blogging

2009-01-30T22:40:00.000-08:00

Even though there have been some fantastic games since the season started, I just haven't been in the mood to blog. I don't know whether it was basketball ennui or blogging ennui. All I know is that I was totally over Lebron and his crab dribble and his will-I-or-won't-I-go-to-New-York, and since the League has become Lebron-centric, my lack of enthusiasm for The Chosen One spread to my feelings about the NBA in general. Rather than blogging if something cool happened or a good game was on, I GOOP'd it and texted or emailed my friends instead.

Then, a few nights ago, I was at Borders minding my own business and reading the latest Sports Illustrated. And no, I don't think Peyton is that funny except when he's losing to the Chargers. Haha. These two girls sat down near me and started talking loudly. I tuned them out for the most part, but then I heard one of them say "Tim Duncan." Curiosity got the better of me since most LA girls talk about Kobe or Luke. Despite their horribly bleached hair, I thought about my resolution to be less judgmental and listened in. (It's not eavesdropping if they're talking at full volume in a public place.) Well, Tweedledee proceeded to tell Tweedledum about how "Tim Duncan sucks." As if that wasn't bad enough, she started in on Manu Ginobili - pronounced with a hard G - and how "he sucks too and is sooooooooooo terrible and I just don't understand his hair." Well, that did it. I whipped out my phone and started GOOPing my friends. As I was transcribing the conversation as succintly as possible (OMG dumbass bitch @ Borders talkin shit bout Timmy n Manu..can't even pronounce Ginobili), Tweedledee upped the ante by saying, "I'm soooooo excited about Nate Robinson being in the dunk contest! He's sooooooo good. It's gonna be sooooooo good. He's, like, the best dunker ever." At this point, I think I dropped my phone and just started staring at them openmouthed. I recovered, picked up my phone, and blitzkrieged my friends with even more texts. This chick has nothing on me. Finally, after the 5th text in a 30 second span, I got a text from my cousin. "Can you please start blogging again. I don't care about your precious Timmy or Manu and I don't even know who Nate Robinson is. If not Lakers, I don't care."

This is why family is so important. I accidentally texted some people who don't know a basketball from a football, and they responded with a polite "That sucks, Mags" or "Yeah....who doesn't know how to pronounce Ginobili." But family, those bastards tell you like it is. So here I am with renewed vigor. Plus, I just got a BlackBerry so I'm no longer standing in shame when I pull out my phone and the 12-year-old next to me has a way better one. Therefore, for the sake of my dear family and friends (and to play with my new toy), NBA's Finest is back.

Random note: I'm babysitting my friend's adorable 6-month-old right now so Mommy and Daddy don't lose their minds, and Adele is baby crack. She started fussing when she woke up and realized her mom wasn't here, but the minute I turned on Adele, bam! Head down, back to sleep. It's crazy. Now I can put away the Nyquil.

Mailing It In

2009-01-30T22:33:00.000-08:00

Now I'm testing to make sure I can email pictures to the blog. Bear with me.

By the way, I kick ass at Toy Story Mania.

Blogging from a BlackBerry

2009-01-30T22:12:00.001-08:00

Just testing to see if this will work and thus give me no more excuse not to blog.

Reason #475 Why I Love Shaq

2009-01-30T04:46:00.001-08:00

Look at that entrance. Who else but Shaqovic could pull that off? And look how happy everyone, especially Robin Lopez, looks to be carrying him. You can watch the clip at the beginning of last night's Inside the NBA here. Miss you, Charles!!

Rafael Nadal Won't Let Me Sleep

2009-01-30T04:04:00.001-08:00

I was all set to go to bed at 2am, a very reasonable hour for me, and then I made the mistake on turning on ESPN2. I was just going to check the score at the Australian Open, assuming Nadal would be taking care of business as usual, but no. He was losing to someone I've never even heard of before, something Verdasco. Now TWO hours later (they've been playing for over 3), they're tied with a set each playing a tiebreak for the 3rd set. And of course now I'm totally riveted and can't stop watching which means I'll have insomnia for the next 3 days. All this for someone who wears capri pants. And he's not even playing Federer!

Update: Rafa just won the tiebreak. He's up 2 sets to 1. I'm going to bed. Good night.

Update #2: Fuck me I'm totally not going to sleep tonight. Do I even like tennis that much? Actually, I love the rivalry between Federer and Nadal. C'mon Verdasco...pull a Djokovic and retire so I can get some sleep!!

Update #3: Verdasco's name is Fernando and he kind of looks like Cristiano Ronaldo. Actually, he's more a mix of Ronaldo and Matt Leinart. Weird. To top it off, he's wearing a puke green shirt. Whatever, Michelle Obama. And now he's up in the 4th. Kill me.

Update #4: Holy hell. It's now 5am and if Leinardo wins this tiebreak, they're going to a 5th set! They've been playing for 4 hours and 13 minutes and Rafa still looks like he could run a marathon afterward. Nope, spoke too soon. He's down 0-3 in the tiebreak. C'mon Rafa! Despite Verdasco's effort, now that I get the Matt Leinart vibe from him, I can't cheer for him in the slightest. Sorry, Cardinal fans but I don't think you're cheering for him either at this point. Fuckity fuck Verdasco's one point away from a 5th set.

Update #5: 5th set. Why. Why did I have to turn on ESPN2.

Update #6: So I decided to Google Fernando Verdasco to find out more about the man keeping me up and...gross. This just goes to show: ladies, whenever you get the Matt Leinart vibe from a guy, trust your instincts and run the other way!

Update #7: Both Nadal and Verdasco are left-handed. I've always wanted to be a leftie.

Update #8: Goddamn! The men's final is Saturday night-Sunday morning before the Super Bowl. Basically, I won't sleep til Monday.

Update #9: 2-2.

Update #10: Have you ever tried Nocilla? It's the Spanish version of Nutella but they have a white chocolate version too. It's amazing. I would totally trade Pau Gasol for one jar of Nocilla Duo. Wait a sec. (Lightbulb going off.) Maybe that's what the Lakers really gave Chris Wallace for Pau.

Update #11: 3-3. Match nearing 5 hours.

Update #12: Possible break point for Nadal. C'mon Rafa!!! And.....of course not because this game will last forever. Another chance for break point. Nope. Game Verdasco. 4-4. Kill meeeeeee.

Update #13: Triple match point for Nadal. Don't believe it. Yup, Verdasco pulled it out. Double match point for Nadal. Nope. Match point. What the hell...the match just ended on a double fault. Are you kidding me??????? 5+ hours and the match ends on a double fault at 6:10am. I hate my life. Good ~~night~~ morning.

2008-08-26T05:32:00.001-07:00

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

F.U.G.T.

2008-03-20T17:41:00.000-07:00

I'm watching the Celtics-Mavs game right now (Dallas up by 5), and the more they bring up what Glen Taylor said about KG, the angrier I'm getting. It's just such an unwarranted, undeserved, blatantly cheap shot that goes against everything KG stands for, that even the most casual observer of basketball would unequivocally know to be untrue after watching KG play for a minute. Way to stab your franchise player for 12 years in the back...or rather the heart he wears on his sleeve. Since KG won't say it, I will: Fuck you, Glen Taylor.

Tonight's Lineup

2008-03-20T12:54:00.000-07:00

I purposely delayed my flight another day so I could watch tonight's match ups. (Well, that and the fact that I'm not emotionally prepared to leave my dog. My cousin's like, "I don't even know who you are anymore.") Boston has the chance to sweep the 3 Texas teams for the first time since '01 and I fully expect them to do so because KG is going to be a beast tonight after being called out for tanking. Tanking...for missing the last 5 games of the season after toiling essentially alone for the last 12 years for Minny. I have the same thing to say to Glen Taylor as Faith Hill said to the ho bag who grabbed her husband's balls: "You gotta learn some class, my friend." He could take some lessons from Micky Arison. I don't know much about Micky Arison personally, but the way he handled the Shaq trade spoke volumes about his character. If Boston goes up by 25 early on, we may even see a smackdown between Mark Cuban and Avery Johnson. My money's on Avery. You know he's still scrappy as ever.

Update: Mark Cuban is MIA. Official excuse - "family commitment." What it really means - he has a responsibility to his family not to get beat down on national TV by an employee.

Rondo vs. Alston, or "Two Guys Who Can't Fight Staring at Each Other"

2008-03-20T05:30:00.000-07:00

Or so says Charles Barkley. I missed the Celtics-Rockets game on Tuesday night, but luckily, my DVR caught Inside the NBA and Charles's take on the non-altercation between Rajon Rondo and Rafer Alston.

Is there a more influential, iconic athlete in our generation than Charles Barkley? He played with The Greatest Ever and retired 8 years ago, and yet his name still pops up in regular conversation. I caught an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians the other day (I'm embarrassed to say), and Bruce Jenner brought up the Chuckster's infamous "I am not a role model" quote to teach Kim a lesson. No, not on how to not act like a slut, but how not to act like a diva because that would negatively influence her younger sisters. I also read an article in SI on pigeon racing awhile back and the author describes pigeons as "the Charles Barkleys of the natural world: unassuming and bottom-heavy yet surprisingly athletic."

I'd rank Charles ahead of MJ, Tiger Woods, and Brett Favre on a scale of influence because while the latter 3 are icons in their respective fields, Charles's influence reaches well beyond the scope of his sport, due in part to his willingness (and the reticence of the other three) to state opinions on divisive matters. Charles has taken on the Church, homophobia, Democrats, Republicans, racists, feminists, Warriors fans, Suns fans. What a breath of fresh air (sometimes hot air) in a "No comment" era. At the end of the day, we know where he stands and I think people respect that more, even if they don't necessarily agree with his stance. Who knows. I may be wrong, but I doubt it. :)

David Stern's Asian Strategy, The Sonics, and Me

2008-03-20T01:35:00.000-07:00

Just when I think I've temporarily shelved my passport, I'm leaving the country again...in 2 days...and I found out 6 days ago. Long story, but basically my old boss (who's a cross between Miranda Priestly and Miss Hannigan) called me up from Asia and begged me to come work immediately for a month or so. (This is why you shouldn't keep the same cell phone number!!) Anyway, since I'd already planned to go to Pennsylvania to campaign and visit friends, I was thinking of how to gently let her down when she started crying. Now when people cry, I have one of two reactions:

Complete and utter disgust, most recently exemplified by the 4 pussies on The Biggest Loser who bawled like their mothers just died when one of them got sent home...not to some Siberian prison never to be seen or heard from again...home. Ugh. This is why I can't watch reality shows. OR
I feel so badly that I will do anything for that person. Example: KG after his interview with John Thompson. Glen Taylor, you are an asshole.

So before I knew it, I was agreeing to fly 13 hours and 6,000 miles away, which means I'll miss the Pennsylvania primary and the perfect opportunity to wear my new Marc Jacobs Hillary shirt. (Get one or six today for $35 each at Marc Jacobs.) And for the 3rd year in a row, I'll miss the end of the craziest NBA season and the beginning of playoffs. So what does that have to do with David Stern's Asian strategy and the Sonics?

In his Time interview, Stern said that the Sonics potentially leaving the diversity of Seattle for the (expletive deleted because I think it's unfair to characterize all Oklahomans by the actions of one Clay Bennett) confines of Oklahoma City wouldn't affect the NBA's efforts in the Asian market because "our Asian philosophy is more about being there. We have offices in Tokyo, Hong Kong, Shanghai and Beijing." Well, if "being there" is how to make inroads into Asia, I plan on making a lot of inroads, or at the very least a lot of noise, on behalf of the tireless Sonics fans who deserve a hell of a lot more than what they're getting. I just can't believe that more people aren't outraged. And the thousands upon thousands who are are totally being dismissed by the Commissioner. As Bill Simmons wrote,

"There is only one side. An NBA team is getting hijacked and there's no way of sugarcoating it, defending it or justifying it. Again, if it happens to the Sonics, it could happen to your team. That's why you should care."

I feel like if there was a groundswell of support from LA or New York or the Bay Area, there would be more media attention paid to Seattle which would in turn attract the attention of the casual fan. (Imagine if everyone inside Staples Center held up signs in support of the Sonics? The catch-22 is, of course, that the majority of people who sit close enough to be seen on camera at Staples are casual fans and thus unlikely to do anything of the sort unless it was already a cause celebre.) Why does it seem like all really important decisions, like the fate of the country or the fate of a franchise, come down to casual observers and undecideds? (Seriously, there have been how many debates and you still can't make up your fucking mind????) But the powers-that-be in all fields seem to give disproportionate power and influence to this group and then make nonsensical decisions based on them. Nevertheless, I'll try to do my part in helping people see the light in this situation. Now if only Marc Jacobs would make a shirt...

Bitch is the New Black!

2008-02-25T19:30:00.000-08:00

TMI Gilbert!

2008-02-12T05:49:00.000-08:00

Sharing is caring, except when it's gross and f-ing nasty.

From Page Six:

Wizards' Gilbert Arenas knows what real pain is. "When I was new in the NBA, the team veterans convinced me to shave, you know, down there," the outspoken point guard tells next month's Men's Journal. "I used my girlfriend's razor, which was rusty and gave me keloids. The doctor prescribed medicine to dab on, but I just poured it all over. Three days later I woke up screaming. The skin was burnt off . . . just raw flesh. I used a numbing spray for a month until it healed."

So is that what you guys talk about when girls aren't around??

Source: NY Post

2008-02-12T05:44:00.000-08:00

Had some connectivity and broken laptop screen issues over the weekend. Sorry if the dates of some posts are screwy.

Who's Bigger: Shaq or Hannah Montana?

2008-02-08T04:36:00.000-08:00

It makes me sad that some chick named Hannah Montana can sell out American Airlines Arena faster than The Diesel and D-Wade. While we're at it, who the hell are the Jonas Brothers? The things parents do for their kids. (PS - Thanks, Mom, for all the NKOTB stuff and you were right.)

Look at Shaq Daddy in his Elmo shirt and hat. He's hands-down the NBA player I'd most want as a dad. And he's doing the good dad thing by playing nicey-nice with the ex for the sake of the kids. Paging Jason Kidd. While we're on the subject of NBA dads, I still can't believe Dwight "Let's Put a Cross on the Jersey" Howard is a dad. Unless you're willing to go to A.C. Green lengths, quit proselytizing, Dwight. And with a cheerleader. How cliche.

Source: TMZ

Shaq to Phoenix in Hopes of Becoming One

2008-02-06T06:57:00.000-08:00

Well, if anyone can do it, Shaq can. If anyone can help him do it, Nash can.

Still, I'm as surprised as anyone by this trade, in part because I didn't think the Suns would actually let Shawn Marion go. He's their workhorse, albeit a disgruntled one. Nonetheless, he does all the dirty work. I voted for him and Steve Nash for the All Star Game from the Suns. I can understand Shawn's frustration though. He wants to be an All Star and get some individual credit, even if it means giving up the chance to play with Nash and going to a crappy team. It worked for Joe Johnson. I don't agree with it, but I understand. I also hate that the Joe Johnson route worked, that he is an All Star for the second time as a Hawk. My best friend lives in Atlanta and used to go to school with Josh Childress, and she still wouldn't be able to name the NBA team that plays there even if I gave her 2 choices. Maybe if we followed the Jeff Van Gundy plan - not let any player from a sub-.500 team on the All Star teams - this desire to abandon a non-sinking ship for a sinking one wouldn't be as intense. Then again, considering the egos, maybe not.

I hope Shaq and the Suns work out. He's had enough personal, physical and occupational turmoil for the year. With Pau-pow to the Lakers and Shaq to the Suns, I hope the Mavs and San Antone have something up their sleeves. Considering the ignominious end to the NFL season, it'll be interesting to see how the second half of the NBA season plays out. Get your popcorn ready. Ugh. I can't believe T.O. has entered my lexicon. SportsCenter has destroyed my mind.

2008-02-05T21:45:00.001-08:00

Did you vote today?

2008-01-20T19:29:00.000-08:00

Another 2 fucking weeks of Manning family stories. I already know more about them than I do about my own family.

2008-01-20T19:23:00.000-08:00

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CruelLA Fans

2008-01-17T23:50:00.000-08:00

We get it. Kwame Brown sucks. I'm sure he gets it, too. So is it really necessary to boo him EVERY single time he touches the ball, which is what Laker fans did throughout the 3rd quarter of the Suns-Lakers game? I understand why Knicks fans boo Isiah - he could use ~~a little~~ a lot of humbling and a massive reality check. Sadly, the only check he's getting is a massive paycheck because James Dolan is as delusional as he is. Isiah probably feeds off the negativity because it reminds him of his Detroit Bad Boy days and thus further inflates his ego.

Kwame, on the other hand, didn't Michael Jordan take whatever pride he had left? Whatever MJ didn't destroy, his old buddy Phil already took care of. Does Kwame really need to be further humiliated and mercilessly taunted by his home crowd in front of a national audience? Who knows - Kwame may still pull an Eli and have his breakthrough season. Okay, I'm totally reaching, but c'mon, LA. Do you really want to be known as the Giants fans of the West?

Stick to the cruel but funny stuff. For example, whoever called Leandro Barbosa in his hotel room and told him he was traded to the Knicks???? This person was so believable that Leandro ended up in tears at Dan D'Antoni's door asking why the Suns would trade him away. Soooooooo mean! But hilarious. And a lesson for all NBA players - never use your real name when you're on the road. Poor sweet, innocent Leandro. According to Ron Mexico, your new alias is Philippe Poland.

Photo Source: AP Photo

Books

2008-01-17T02:02:00.000-08:00

I finished A Thousand Splendid Suns yesterday. What more can I say other than it was a fantastic read. You'll laugh, you'll cry. You'll cry some more. You'll probably want to name your future daughter Laila. (Seriously, two of my girlfriends already do.) Anyway, the next book I'm reading is Middlesex, which has been sitting on my shelf for the past 2 years, BEFORE Oprah made it her book club pick, thank you very much. Emeka Okafor picked it up during his rookie season and discussed it on NBA Rookies. I'll let him explain it to you.

Joakim Noah vs Hope Solo

2008-01-16T23:57:00.000-08:00

The elective benching of Joakim Noah by his teammates for what they felt was conduct unbecoming of a teammate was viewed by some analysts as veterans merely teaching the rookie a lesson. Some even went so far as to say the team benched him because they care about him and want what's best for him. Bullshit. Hope Solo's benching by her teammates for what they too felt was conduct unbecoming of a teammate was described by SI as "sorority-style vindictiveness" and labeled one of 2007's worst stories.

So why isn't what the Bulls did labeled vindictive, fraternity-style or not? If anything, I think what the Bulls did was worse because they made a private issue public. The U.S. women's soccer team reacted publicly to something a player did in public. Whatever happened between Noah and assistant coach Ron Adams occurred behind closed doors and was taken care of by the coaching staff - hardly unusual, minor story, the end. Then, the players take the unprecedented step of voting to bench him for another game and it becomes a national story that increases the scrutiny on an already unstable team. Now, every laugh and remark is being analyzed to death with he said, he said stories coming out of the locker room. And girls are supposed to be the gossipy, vindictive ones?

Upon Further Review

2008-01-13T23:40:00.000-08:00

Photo Source: AP Photo

NFL's Finest

2008-01-13T23:34:00.000-08:00

Another playoff series. Another epic Dallas collapse. If the Mavs don't step up this year, the Dallas fanbase may soon rival Philly's in anger and frustration.

While I feel for the Dallas faithful (though not so much for T.O. or Romo), I'm thrilled by this weekend's results. All of my picks, even the ones I didn't have ~~much~~ okay, any stock in (San Diego), came through. I even stopped reading my book for 2 agonizing days because I knew once I picked it up, I wouldn't be able to put it down until it was done, thus not getting any sleep and being exhausted for the games. The 10am Sunday start time is bad enough. Thank God for the hour of DVR playback or I would have missed the start of the Chargers-Colts game.

On a sidenote, can I just say how glad I am to be back in the States? That means a lot coming from me because I love to travel and I always thought I'd move abroad after college and never look back. Well, I did move abroad and as wonderful an experience as it was, I ended up looking back and coming back. I was bitching and moaning for awhile there after I came back, but I can finally wholeheartedly say there's no place like home. This time last year, I was on my cell with my cousin at 3am Paris time as she held the phone up to her TV for the last 20 minutes of the Pats-Chargers game. 20 minutes at I don't even remember how many euros per minute. At least the Pats won that game though. The following week when they lost at Indy...Tom Brady and Co. owe me money for that call. And, like Gisele, I would like to be paid in euros.

Back to the games. I love how the Pats and Packers are sitting pretty and relatively unscathed as the Chargers and Giants played their minds and bodies out. And the damage the two victorious road teams left in their wake: a sobbing T.O., a despondent Romo, a possibly out-of-a-job Phillips, a moded Tiki.

T.O.'s really upset because he couldn't find his lip gloss before the interview.

Peyton doesn't seem as hard-pressed anymore - in the postgame, I mean. He's still as annoyingly prepared and competitive as ever on the field, but a loss like this doesn't seem like it's going to gnaw at him as much. No more Dan Marino comparisons for him. Now he's being compared to Little Brother. I liked Eli's response when some reporter asked if it felt good to win when Peyton lost. Eli just looked at him in disgust and said, "Next question."

At the request of my cousin - the same one who held the phone up to the TV on countless occasions - NBA's Finest will be NFL heavy for the next 3 weeks. Actually, she wants it to be NFL heavy all the time because "then [she] would read it more." Sigh. I guess the NBA really isn't what it once was. And truth be told, the potential Packers-Patriots matchup is too exciting to ignore. So welcome to NBA and NFL's Finest!

Photo Source: Getty Images, AP Photo

500 Splendid Suns

2008-01-11T06:52:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOD. I'm halfway through A Thousand Splendid Suns right now and it's amazing. I started it at 3am and haven't been able to put it down. I'm desperately trying to pace myself so I don't finish it too quickly, but damn, it's good.

Speaking of reading, I just got the ESPN mag with Dwyane Wade on the cover. In addition to "Acting. Producing. Modeling. Clothing line. All that. Restaurants." D-Wade is learning a word a week. Newly added to his verbal repertoire: immaculate, cohorts, and lethargic. Once he learns defenestrate, he'll be ready for the SATs. Defenestrate: what Heat fans are doing to their ridiculously overpriced tickets.

The Real Reason My Computer Screen Cracked

2008-01-08T23:59:00.000-08:00

Oh, JaMarcus. I especially loved the "Bama Boy" chain he had with the giant, diamond-studded elephant head on it. I'm assuming "Bama" doesn't mean Obama since Barack is a Democrat and thus not represented by the elephant. (Although it would be cool if someone got a Obama Boy chain with a huge donkey head encrusted with diamonds on it. Then they could officially be called an ass.) I guess it refers to Alabama, but I didn't realize elephants roamed around Mobile.

Photo Source: Getty Images

Where My Dog At

2008-01-08T23:57:00.000-08:00

So about a month ago, my Mom calls me up and is like, "Hey, do you want a dog???" My answer was an emphatic Hell NO! followed by more hell no's since my mother doesn't always listen to what I say the first time around. After the fifth no, I thought the message got through.

The next day, she calls again and is like, "Are you sure??? It's a poodle!" Again, I reiterated, "No, Mom! No dogs!! I don't need to be cleaning up after some little, yappy poodle." She said, "It's 7-years-old and already trained!" "Well," I told her, "I don't need to be looking after an old, yappy dog either!"

Words falling on deaf ears. Two days later, she brought the dog home. Ungroomed. Apparently, one of her clients was going abroad for the holidays for at least a month so she agreed to take the dog for the duration. Now I don't hate dogs, I just don't actively like them. (Or so I thought.) The first few days with the dog, Jenny, I washed my hands each time after I touched her. When she jumped on my bed and sat on my pillow, I freaked out and washed all my sheets. Did I mention she was ungroomed and a little smelly and I'm a slight germaphobe? When I told my friends about the dog, they thought it was hilarious but were outraged that the dog was named Jenny. Apparently, there's an unwritten rule that you don't give dogs real names, or so said the owners of Stinky and Otto. I was like, "Whatever, it's not even my dog."

A week later, my Mom tells me she's going away for the weekend so I need to watch the dog. Well, as my cousin said, my small heart grew three sizes that weekend. The dog has separation anxiety and can't be left alone, so she ended up sticking by my side for 72 hours. She even slept with me in my bed. After that, no more washing my hands every 2 minutes or washing my sheets. I'm such a girl - after sleeping with someone, it's I love you! So yeah, I took her to the groomer and got her a new outfit so she's all spiffy now. I've also renamed her, according to the Angelina rules.

Now I'm showing off the newest member of my family, Bubble. Isn't she cuuuuuuuute??? She's the sweetest little thing, too. We're totally bonded. When I was carrying my friend's baby, she cried until I put the baby down and held her instead. She even fell asleep on my shoulder like a baby!

So this is my plan for keeping Bubble. One - put a microchip in her with my name and address, so if she's taken away, I can pull an Iggy and call the police and say she's mine. Two - dye her black so if and when the abandoner/previous owner comes back, I can just be like, "What are you talking about? This is my dog!" Three - let the dog choose. I have full confidence she'll come to me. Hopefully, it won't come to all that. If I know my mother, she probably already agreed to keep the dog and said it was only temporary to placate me. We'll see.

Starting the New Year Off With A Bang

2008-01-08T21:08:00.000-08:00

Literally.

I'm already over '08. Behold my once beautiful Mac. I wish I could say something cool like this happened in the heat of battle during the Jags-Steelers game or the Spurs-Warriors game, where I got so excited that the remote flew out of my hand. But no. The Spurs-Warriors game was on in the background, but this travesty happened because I was playing with my new dog and forgot that I left my tank of a camera on the bed, so when I pulled the blanket over my head (you know, to play peek-a-boo), the camera went flying and hit my laptop dead-on. The $300 camera, fine. The nearly $3000 laptop that I carted all over Europe without even a scratch, well, you can see for yourself. I can't even bring myself to call Mac to see how much it's gonna cost to fix because I know it's going to be something insane. I didn't even like dogs before this one. And technically, I'm not even the owner of the dog...yet. Had this happened a month ago to anybody else, I would have said, "This is what happens when you play freakin' peek-a-boo with an animal and treat it like it's a person!" But now, broken laptop and all, I love my dog and am willing to go to Iggy-like lengths to keep her. (More on that later.)

So yeah, an ignominious start to the new year. At least the Spurs and the Warriors provided a little distraction after THE HIT occurred, although after OT, I went right back to being catatonic. But if anybody's interested in an indestructible camera, get the Canon PowerShot SD450 (Digital Elph series). Hell, I'll give you mine. I can't even look at it right now. Anyway, hope you had a Happy New Year!

Jerry Sloan Mad at Gordan Giricek; Kyle Korver Punished

2007-12-29T18:56:00.000-08:00

In the buildup to Pats-Giants, I completely missed the news that Kyle Korver was traded to the Utah Jazz for Gordan Giricek, Jerry Sloan's latest whipping boy. Giricek was the one that acted up yet Kyle is the one being banished to Utah. I guess the strategy of trading away the team's most popular players didn't end with Billy King. Poor Philly. Poor Kyle.

Roger Goodell: Not Such a Grinch After All

2007-12-29T14:56:00.000-08:00

The NFL called a brief moratorium on their war with the cable networks and are allowing us mere mortals to watch the Pats go for 16-0. Normally, I'm against congressional oversight of sports, but this time, I'm glad someone stepped in. Seriously, two multi-billion dollar entities squabbling over dollars. Jesus.

I know I'm in the minority here, but I want to see the "Denver Patriots" go 16-0. More specifically, I want Brady to demolish Peyton's TD record. Screw Peyton and his insufferable commercials! I can't think of a more annoying athlete, except Vince Carter and Derek Fisher.

Anyway, enjoy the game.

Wishing You a G.O. Christmas

2007-12-24T23:07:00.000-08:00

This is the Christmas card I would have sent had any of my friends actually known who Greg Oden was. My best friend is trying to learn, though, and even watched a "Texas Spurs" game. Even more shocking, she's agreed to watch the "Denver Patriots" play the Giants this Saturday. One of my cousins, who just moved to Pennsylvania, is a bit better, though, and said she'd try to go to "a Pittsburgh 76ers game." Sigh. And therein lies the reason I started this blog, which I realize I haven't written in forever, but I will be better in the new year.

Anyway, Merry Christmas!! Eat, drink...I would say don't drink and drive, but if you do, you'll only go to jail for 82 minutes anyway, so whatever. JUST KIDDING!!! Calm down. Seriously though, have a wonderful holiday. Stay warm. Special shout-out to the Heat, who have to endure the indignity of spending the day in Cleveland instead of Miami. I guess it really is Lebron's world.

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-24T03:01:00.000-08:00

Vegas, Baby

2007-09-21T15:01:00.000-07:00

In Vegas for my brother's birthday weekend. Apparently, not even cracking his head at 1am last night and having to get it stapled shut is going to stop him from going. Will explain upon my return. Have a nice weekend.

----------------
Now playing: Yannick Noah - Dans Et Sur Mes Bras
via FoxyTunes

Yao-Nash Charity Game

2007-09-19T06:38:00.001-07:00

We get another treat today. NBA TV is going to air the Yao Ming-Steve Nash charity game that took place in Beijing on September 14th. It will be on at 8pm EST/5pm PST. NBA players who participated in the game include Carmelo Anthony, Baron Davis, Leandro Barbosa, and Yi Jianlian.

Photo Source: NBAE

Charles Barkley on MNF

2007-09-19T06:09:00.000-07:00

Did anyone else notice the Chuckster in the booth with Mike Tirico, Jaws, and Tony Kornheiser during the Redskins-Eagles game Monday night? I turned on the game to check the score during the second half, but switched to Prison Break before Charles said anything. He better not be abandoning TNT for MNF!

V-NYT Day

2007-09-19T05:41:00.000-07:00

So for the past 2 years, I've waged a silent war against The New York Times online because they started charging for access to articles. I've read Maureen Dowd's columns since high school and the prospect of suddenly paying $2 per column was, to me, absolutely ridiculous. It's bad enough they charge $5 for the Sunday Times, there was no way in hell I was going to pay some ridiculous TimesSelect fee. However, I still needed my Maureen Dowd-Paul Krugman fix so I basically bribed people for their Lexis-Nexis passwords and then emailed myself the articles I wanted.

Well, today the New York Times has officially ended TimesSelect. Op-Ed, News, and all the other columns are now available as they should be - free of charge. This is also good for sports fans because Harvey Araton's columns are now available as well. We can finally read the columns Henry links to in full. Incidentally, today's Harvey Araton column is about the role Bill Russell plays as mentor to incoming rookies. Joakim Noah gets the conversation rolling by asking straight up if "[Russell] felt underappreciated while accomplishing all that he did in racially polarized Boston — 11 N.B.A. championships in 13 remarkable years — at the dawn of and during the civil rights era." An interesting read, as most everything involving Bill Russell is.

So yay! Release your inner nerd and enjoy V-NYT Day.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

2007-09-13T03:07:00.000-07:00

So what have I been doing since I last posted (rather, what has been totally distracting me from posting)? Watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the funniest show since Arrested Development. My brother told me I absolutely had to watch this show, but considering his last recommendation was Ninja Warrior, I was a bit leery. But after he reminded me (less bitterly this time) that he knows all the lyrics to Rent and Ragtime - the result of being at the mercy of an older sister with a car - I gave it a try and now I'm totally addicted in a crackhead kind of way. The season premiere is tonight at 10, but you can also watch an exclusive pre-season episode on their MySpace.

This clip is from "The Gang Gives Back" (Season 2, Episode 6).

PS. I've noticed I tend to get along best with people who have similar taste in shows as me. I don't know whether that's due to vanity or bitchiness, but either way, here's a list of current shows I like. In no particular order:

Prison Break!

I was at a party in France and this guy, who was trying to act all cool, announced that Wentworth Miller was gay. My response was, "Speak for yourself and your little scarf, Frenchie!" Trying to ruin my Wentworth Miller crush is not a way to get on my good side. Nor is wearing a scarf indoors.

Heroes

I love Nathan, but this stupid Heroes character test told me I was Sylar. Whatever! Just because I would key some douchebag's car who deserved it....I'm really not Sylar.

24, minus seasons 2 and 3
Curb Your Enthusiasm

It's back! Yay! With Vivica Fox. Nay.

Real Time with Bill Maher

If you ever go to a taping, sit on the benches along the wall. They get to go in first.

The Office
The Wire
Scrubs
Family Guy
The Daily Show and Colbert Report
Ugly Betty
Lost

Photo Source: FX

Shaq and Shaunie: Unhappily Ever After

2007-09-05T03:08:00.001-07:00

One of the most popular NBA power couples has filed for divorce. More accurately, Shaq filed for divorce from Shaunie on Tuesday. According to the Miami Herald,

''The marriage between the parties is irretrievably broken." [Shaq's petition for divorce] further claimed that Shaunie has been ''secretive about her assets . . . particularly with respect to certain properties owned or titled in either [her] name alone or in other entities.'' He wants the court to order Shaunie to give a ''correct accounting of all money, funds, stocks, bonds, and other securities (including bearer securities)'' that she came into during the marriage.

You can read the rest of the article HERE. Shaq and Shaunie have four kids together and one each from a previous relationship. The last appearance they made together was at the ESPYs.

I'm as sad as I can be for a couple I've never met and don't really know. Although, Shaq is one of those people who inspires familiarity even without having personally met him. Shaq and Shaunie were definitely one of my favorite NBA couples. Best of luck to them both.

Photo Source: Social Eyes

On a Brighter Big Yellow Note

2007-09-03T23:36:00.000-07:00

My love/unhealthy dependence on post-its is pretty evident. (If you don't believe me, click here, here, here, here, or here.) Well, I came across this cool article in The Post about people who collect post-its, grocery lists, and the like.

Bill Keaggy, the founder of Grocerylists.org, was leaving a grocery store one day when a sort of “silly serendipity” struck: he found a grocery list on a yellow Post-it note. The list itself was nothing special, but much like Raviv, Keaggy found himself fixating on the person it belonged to.
“It was so ordinary - and that’s exactly why it was so great,” he says. “I like the little things in life that people don’t pay attention to. But it’s details like these that make up the minutes of our lives.”
He was particularly struck by the honesty of grocery lists. They aren’t meant to be seen by anyone else, even though the contents of the grocery carts end up on a conveyor belt in plain view of everyone.
“One of my favorites was one that had obviously been written by a wife to her husband,” he says. “She wrote, ‘Coke, bread, milk, If you buy more rice I’ll punch you.’ And I just thought that was so great. There’s a life behind each list.”
Among all the Webcams and reality TV and MySpace pages and Match.com, whose slogan is “It’s OK to look,” there is something quaint and endearing about this voyeuristic fascination with the written word. It’s old-school nosiness of the small-town, front-porch variety.

You can read the rest of the article HERE. Hope you enjoy my quaint post-its along with my scrapes and bruises.

Disturbing...

2007-09-03T23:28:00.000-07:00

After reading about the upcoming charity game in China organized by Yao Ming and Steve Nash (which sounds totally amazing and wonderful, by the way), I tried to find a picture of a logo or something pertaining to the event.

Instead, I came across the picture on the left. For some reason, I find it totally unsettling and disturbing. (And I like Steven Klein!) It looks like it was taken by a pedophile, one that likes really big boys. Eeek!

Sorry for sharing. I'm also someone who finds the need to show people my scrapes and bruises after I fall.

Source

2007-09-03T17:45:00.000-07:00

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

FIBA Americas Team Photos

2007-09-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

Now that the FIBA Americas tournament is over, I thought I'd do a proper send off with some team photos. I love team photos. They remind me of class pictures from elementary school when someone inevitably ends up being caught mid-sneeze or picking his nose. For the most part, the teams photographed quite nicely. Here are some of the ones that stood out.

(Click to enlarge)

Perhaps I'm a little biased, but I feel Team USA photographed the best. It has nothing to do with looks, but more with the ability to get a group of 16 people to look straight and not blink at the same time. That's how you know whether a group of individuals can truly work as a team.

Additionally, I think the US and Canada had the best uniforms. They were simple and streamlined with the team name and number prominently displayed. Nothing fancy or difficult to read.

Argentina. They had the funniest picture by far. Chester the Molester in the front row looks like he's about to attack a ball boy as Luis Scola looks on in shock. Carlos Delfino looks like he wants to share more than his leg with his neighbor.

My one point of contention with Argentina is their ~~flopping~~ uniforms. The colors are great, the font is great, but where is the team name on that uniform? When Shaq left for Miami, I was talking to my cousin (a diehard Laker fan) and she started attacking him. I was like, "What the hell? You LOVE Shaq! You call him Shaq Daddy!!" And she responded simply with, "It's not the name on the back but the name on the front that matters." I think Team Visa should consider that before Beijing next year. Their fans came out in full force though. Face paint, flags, and bullhorns - they were a sight to behold.

Honorable mentions to Mexico and the Virgin Islands, two of my favorite teams to watch in the tournament.

Photo Source: FIBA Americas

Hey Big Spender

2007-09-03T16:52:00.000-07:00

According to TMZ, Kobe dropped $21,000 at Blush, a new club at the Wynn, on Friday night. This wasn't a display of magnanimity, but rather a good old-fashioned pissing contest between Kobe and poker player Antonio Esfandiari. It all started when Esfandiari paid for two bottles of Cristal. What nerve! TMZ reports,

"Kobe wasn't about to be shown up by some puny little card player -- and kicked in for five bottles. Antonio, who's used to upping the ante, then switched his order to ten! Kobe ended the competition when he purchased an astounding 15 bottles -- and then left the club!"

No wonder Esfandiari is called The Magician. He magically made $35,000 disappear. It's moments like these that make me really appreciate Micky Arison. Despite his net worth being worth more than the salaries of all the players in the League combined, his flashiest adornment is his tan...and maybe the 2006 NBA Championship ring. Just goes to show that you can't buy taste.

Photo Source: TMZ

All Roads Lead to China

2007-09-02T14:17:00.001-07:00

Your last chance to see this version of Team USA together. On the Argentinian side, watch for Luis Scola, #4. He looks like an ugly woman. I miss Manu.

Photo Source: Beijing 2008

Yao Ming: The Face of Love

2007-09-01T13:59:00.000-07:00

Yao standing in front of the Chinese character for love.

This is what we call the honeymoon phase. Too cute.

Photo Source: Getty Images

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

2007-09-01T13:32:00.001-07:00

But sometimes, all you need is one word said in repetition.

Larry Craig (Republican, Idaho) resigned from the Senate today after news of his arrest in a Minnesota airport sex sting was made public. Craig allegedly solicited sex from an undercover police officer in the men's bathroom. Good luck in Idaho, Larry. But rest assured, Boise is only 640 miles from San Francisco. I even got you directions.

View Larger Map

Craig also hired Billy Martin, Michael Vick's lawyer, to pursue his legal options. Well isn't Billy Martin versatile. From dogfighting to cockfighting. His parents must be so proud.

Photo Source: Metropolitan Airports Commission Police Department/Handout/Reuters

Team USA vs Puerto Rico

2007-09-01T12:53:00.000-07:00

Rematch!

Win or go to another qualifying tournament next year. I'm thinking win.

Photo Source: FIBA Americas

And On The 10th Day, They Rested

2007-08-31T17:08:00.001-07:00

And probably partied a bit. It's Vegas, baby.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Breaking News at Mexico vs Venezuela

2007-08-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

The rim has fallen down! Nick Collison trying to take credit. Leo Rautins complaining about the extra warm up time for Mexico and Venezuela.

Update: The rim is back up. Horacio Llamas is testing its tensile strength as the crowd of tens looks on with bated breath. It has survived the Llamas test.

More bad news. The rim is not to regulation height. It's a half inch too short. Current time: 1:48pm. "Crowd" looks even more bored than usual. Team USA's 9pm start time may be further delayed.

1:55pm - Audience officially asleep. No, seriously. The one girl they keep showing in the stands is sleeping. Rick Kamla and partner trying to do their best to keep us entertained. FYI Kamla's wife does not like that he's not more of a handyman. Mercifully, NBA TV has decided to run the Amare Stoudemire halftime feature from last night's game.

1:59pm - Looks like the game may actually start. Another clip of the rim coming down. A portly hand with a white wristband is shown pulling at the net moments before the fall. Horacio may have been involved! Kamla just referred to this whole situation as "Rimgate." Hehe.

2pm - Tip off.

Team USA vs Argentina

2007-08-30T02:20:00.000-07:00

MIDNIGHT EST!! Those of you on the East Coast who will be watching this, why? Just kidding. This is the last game of the second round. Tomorrow may be your last chance to see Horacio and co. Since the US and Argentina have the top two spots, the battle for 3, 4, and 5 and a spot in the Olympic qualifier next year is on between Canada, Brazil, Puerto Rico, and Uruguay. If both Puerto Rico and Uruguay win, it's going to be a 4-way tie.

Here's the schedule for tomorrow:

1:30pm - Mexico vs Venezuela on NBA TV
4pm - Brazil vs Uruguay on NBA TV and FSN
6:30pm - Puerto vs Canada on NBA TV
9pm - USA vs Argentina on ESPN2

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Why Lebron Played Extra Special Tonight

2007-08-30T02:07:00.000-07:00

In tonight's game against Uruguay, Lebron scored 26 points, making all 11 of his shots in the process. While some may attribute this to his sterling work ethic - Lebron would never mail in a game - the more likely reason was the presence of two people in the crowd of ~~thousands~~ maybe 2,000. Okay 1,000.

Jay Z and Beyonce watched Team USA beat Uruguay 118-79. As a tribute, Lebron threw up the roc, something he hadn't been doing (thankfully) as much during the tournament.

I just don't get the point of the whole roc thing. First of all, it's a Pilates move. I can never remember the names of all the moves, so I just give them my own names, such as "Jesus H" and "no way in hell." Anyway, there's one exercise on the reformer - I think the original name is shaving or shave to the head or something - where you make a triangle with your hands on your forehead and then extend your arms at a 45 degree angle. When my Pilates instructor first showed me, I just called it the roc to make it easier. Finally, she was like, "Why do you keep calling it that?" So I explained to her that it's an asinine thing Jay Z does that he gets all his followers to do, too. She then asked me why, to which I responded I don't know. So I'll ask this time, why? What's the point of throwing up the roc? And what makes it any different from Doug Christie's hand signals to Jackie? They're both meaningless and insipid and worst of all, unoriginal. It makes the headbop look inspired.

Okay, back to the game. It was close there for a hot second. Carmelo sat out because of his heel. Amare continues to shoot 3's and discovers yet another way to piss Shaun Marion off. Tyson Chandler got some playing time. Despite being down 30, the entire Uruguayan bench stood up and cheered when one of their players pulled down a rebound over 3 USA players. Did I mention the guy was 5'9?

This was the closest game in that it was the longest Team USA had gone without the lead. Tomorrow's game vs Argentina should be even better.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Who's the Fairest of Them All?

2007-08-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

50-point victories aside, you think the boys are having fun in Vegas?

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Air Kendall

2007-08-29T15:17:00.001-07:00

I couldn't find video of Levon Kendall in Air Bud, so this will have to do for now. I'm still looking for video of pre-Nolan Horacio.

Canada vs Mexico!

2007-08-29T12:31:00.000-07:00

Watch Horacio NOW! If you wait, more than likely he'll have already been taken out of the game, so watch now!

Update:

Llamas just scored. The announcer mentioned he did this despite his "gravity problem."
Levon Kendall is looking good. And he's playing well too.
Kendall was a child actor???
Yup, he has an IMDB page. He was in Air Bud as "Additional Basketball Player."
Leo Rautins looks like he has a black eye. Not surprising. He's like the Mark Cuban of FIBA Americas. The officials must love him.

What's Stronger Than Oak?

2007-08-29T02:25:00.000-07:00

Not me, not you, and not Charles Barkley.

Charley Oakley was on PTI yesterday looking fit and scaring the crap out of everybody. I will never question his physical ability again. His mental health, maybe, but his physical ability never.

Here are some of the highlights from his interview:

"If somebody call me, I'm ready to go at any time."
When Mike Wilbon referred to Charles Barkley's quote about old guys thinking about coming back - People forget why these guys retired in the first place is because they weren't good anymore. - the Oak got a gleam in his eye and responded with, "He talk more now, he ain't said nothing when he played the game...He couldn't come back, right now. He's about 450. When he see me, we'll talk about that personally me and him. When he hears this interview, he'll know. When I see him, he gonna go the other way."
About what he can bring to a team: "I can bring a lot to a team. Just my presence. I didn't win a championship but I've been to the Finals. I've been around great players who played the game. (Cue video of him with Michael Jordan.) Great coaches. I can bring a lot of influence. And that's what a lot of teams need - detail. You know, like a car wash. Manicure." Then he said something about a flower bed. I think he was still talking about a car wash.
"I can at least make 28 of the 30 teams."
Then, Tony got to the real possible reason of Oak's sudden desire to come back - he's writing a book. When Tony asked if Oak's return was because of his book, Oak responded, "Mmm, it's gonna be my whole career. I'm missing a couple chapters. I think Barkley just took one. If I don't come back, I'm gonna finish the book soon."
Back to Barkley, Oak said he'd give him a car wash, but won't clean out his car because of all the donut boxes in the back.
Of Reggie Miller: "He's a pioneer to the game. He's a class act, but he dress like Pee Wee Herman." (Cue photo of Reggie in a skinny gray suit.)
Finally, Tony and Mike asked Oak to assess his chances of actually playing in the NBA next season. Oak gave it a "6 or 7. You never know."

If Oak comes back, who do you think he would slap first? More so than Orlando, I think Dallas needs him. Finally, Avery would have a player as tough as he is. And we might finally see Mark Cuban get slapped, especially if he wears his Dancing with the Stars costume to a game. Yeah, we need Oak back in the League.

Watch Horacio!

2007-08-28T02:43:00.000-07:00

Also watch for Levon Kendall of Canada, who is the spitting image of Tiago Splitter. Levon's so pretty I keep waiting for Billy King to draft him on the spot. Otherwise, Levon better run if Horacio gets hungry.

Update: Oops! Mexico vs Canada is not til Wednesday. Today (Tuesday), Mexico plays Brazil at 5:30pm on NBA TV. Canada is playing Argentina at 3pm on NBA TV and FSN. My bad. Here's the new post-it.

Photo Source: FIBA Americas

Round Two: Team USA vs Puerto Rico

2007-08-28T02:39:00.001-07:00

Close(r) Call for Team USA

2007-08-27T23:45:00.000-07:00

Team USA beat Mexico 127-100. It's the closest margin of victory thus far for the Americans. An impressive victory nonetheless, that is, until you see who anchored, literally, Team Mexico. To your right is the starting center for Mexico, Horacio Llamas. According to Wikipedia, he's "the best center Mexico has ever produced." To me, he's more of a (Kings era) Vlade Divac / (any era) Eddy Curry hybrid. At least we can take comfort in knowing that Argentina, the only other undefeated team, only beat Mexico by 21 points.

You gotta give him style points though. Look at him rockin the two-toned sweatband, the black tights, and the white knee socks. Less (we see) is definitely more (to our benefit).

Update: Lang Whitaker describes Horacio as having " the body of John Goodman and the style sense of Turtle from 'Entourage.'" (I don't watch Entourage, but I can only assume a 'Turtle' isn't very attractive.) Also, those aren't Dwyane Wade-style tights, but rather kneepads. Oh Horacio.

I'm just going to copy and paste some of Lang's other observations about Horacio here because they're hilarious, but to read them in full, click HERE.

On a lot plays, Llamas just ends up standing still as everyone runs past him in either direction.
Lamas takes a dribble to his right, then tries to go behind the back with a dribble. This confuses his own body so much that he ends up falling over onto his butt and turning it over. Nolan Richardson takes him out.
USA lobs it inside to Howard and Llamas just grabs him. If a chair had magically appeared on the court at that moment, Llamas would have immediately taken a seat. The man is completely exhausted.
Llamas!! I think he just polished off a pizza and large order of nachos while on the bench.
Kobe drives and Llamas swats the shot! That’s what a rested Llamas brings to the game.
After 90 seconds, Llamas is removed from the game, totally gassed.

Photo Source: FIBA Americas

And I Thought I Had Bad Taste in Men

2007-08-27T19:46:00.001-07:00

During the Bengals-Falcons game, Joey ~~Harrington~~ ~~Heisman~~ Harrington told Michelle Tafoya that Falcons owner Arthur Blank told him he believed in him. Oh Arthur. If he was a woman, he would have been taken to the cleaners by every Kevin Federline wannabe out there.

Speaking of the Falcons:

It's not forgive and forget, but forgive. And hope for the best.

Manolo Cintron Van Gundy

2007-08-27T19:17:00.000-07:00

He's saying Pat Riley tried to push him out, too.

Leandro: Still Lookin' For His Balls

2007-08-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

Halftime in the Brazil-Puerto Rico game and the Brazilians are down 28-39. The game's not being televised but you can watch a live feed through NBA.com. Right now, I think Leandro is 1 for 9. C'mon Leandro!!

In an earlier televised game, Canada eked out a win against Uruguay. For some reason, Canada kept prolonging the game by needlessly fouling when they were the team up by 6 with less than a minute remaining. Umm, good job, Canada?

Update:

4:37 left in the 3rd quarter, Brazil down 39-52.
Leandro actually has 12 points.
Puerto Rico's coach, Manolo Cintron, looks like the Puerto Rican Stan Van Gundy.

Round Two: Team USA vs Mexico

2007-08-27T17:11:00.001-07:00

Nolan Richardson vs. Coach Krzyzewski

Coach K lost to Richardson in '94, but I have a feeling he's gonna win this time. Handily.

Team USA vs Mexico
Tonight at 8pm
ESPN2

Photo Source: FIBA Americas

Happy Belated Birthday, Michael Redd!

2007-08-26T23:51:00.001-07:00

Team USA's premier 3-point shooter turned 28 yesterday. His knees turned 50. I always feel bad for NBA players when I see them swathed in ice after the game, or when I see the Chuckster hobble around TNT's studio, but then I remember they get a bajillion dollars to soften the blow. That plus the immense pleasure I get from watching them on the court makes it all worth it.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Aww Leandro!

2007-08-26T23:37:00.000-07:00

How can you not love Leandrinho?

Tayshaun's baby-faced Brazilian counterpart, Leandro Barbosa (left), who has been carrying the load for his team, was held to just 4 points tonight. Poor Leandro. Following the loss, he said,

"I knew that [Kobe] was going to come up and defense me and guard me like he did and all I was trying to do was get the ball, but I didn't have many balls in my hand. But that's OK. It's about tomorrow now, let's forget about this."

Hopefully, little Leandro is able to get more balls in his hand tomorrow against Puerto Rico.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Tayshaun Noooooo!

2007-08-26T19:34:00.001-07:00

Another reason for Pistons fans to hate Spurs fans: Tayshaun Prince sprained his ankle in the first quarter after landing on the foot of future Spur/current Brazilian Tiago Splitter. In the postgame press conference, Coach Krzyzewski (Damn! I almost did it without looking this time!) said he expected Tayshaun to be out at least 2 days. Hopefully, that's all the time it takes for Tayshaun's ankle to heal. The Brazilians, man, you gotta watch out for them. First Andy Rautins, now Tayshaun.

In honor of Tayshaun (and Andy - gotta love the Canadians), here's a song, courtesy of the J. Peterman crew: Get well, get well soon, we wish you to get well!

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Game 4: Team USA vs Brazil

2007-08-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

Look who's waiting for you, Leandro!

Tonight at 6pm PST (early!):
Team USA vs Brazil
ESPN2

Update: Actually, it's NOT starting at 6pm because of a WNBA game. Sorry! Seriously, are you kidding me?

Update #2: Okay, the score is 8-0 so we haven't missed much, but just as I hate to miss the previews before movies, I don't like missing the beginnings of games!

Update #3: The crowd is chanting "Kobe." Is it too late to switch back to the WNBA game?

Update #4: :)

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Game 3: Team USA vs Canada

2007-08-25T12:00:00.000-07:00

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Happy 29th Birthday, Kobe

2007-08-23T23:58:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, Kobe!

I suppose for 2 minutes even I can wish Kobe a happy birthday. Plus Coach K, I mean Krzyzewski, said so.

Sidenote: It may be time for Mike Redd to consider going the Donovan McNabb route. Bald is sexy! Unless you're a Hasselbeck, in which case, it's just deserved.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Team USA vs Virgin Islands

2007-08-23T22:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, maybe this is what my post-it should have looked like:

Despite the score (123-59), I was impressed by the Virgin Islands squad. With 38 seconds left in the game and down 64 points, the ball went out underneath the US basket and it looked to be off Tyson Chandler but it was called USA's ball. Two Virgin Islands players went up to the ref to argue the call and then they continued to play for the remaining 38 seconds. I don't know what their mentality was, but it seemed to be don't lose by 64 when you can lose by 62. Basically, play til the very end. Is it any wonder Tim Duncan and Raja Bell are the way they are? Much respect to the Virgin Islands team. As long as they keep playing, I'll keep watching.

FIBA Americas: Day 2, Game 2

2007-08-23T15:19:00.000-07:00

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

American Gladiators is Back!

2007-08-23T14:30:00.001-07:00

The show that inspired repressed athletes and repressed homosexuals everywhere is making a comeback! American Gladiators will make a return to NBC as a mid-season replacement this season. Woo hoo! Break out the red, white, and blue spandex! I'd rather take a Nitro-lookalike over My Name is Earl or backwards Prison Break everyday of the week.

Source: Variety via DListed

Thou Shalt Not Take Sheed's Name in Vain

2007-08-22T23:31:00.000-07:00

USA vs Venezuela

2007-08-22T20:01:00.000-07:00

Oh fuck. Bill Walton's the announcer?!?!?!

Wow, ESPN Classic, 11pm EST start time and Bill Walton. Team USA's really getting the royal treatment here.